plastics

I graduated a few weeks ago from college so now I live at home and I'm trying to find a job in this horrible job market. I'm realizing how bad I need to get out of this house and live with my boyfriend in an apartment. I was away from my parents all week when I was in school so I never had to experience whatever happened during the week here. Now I'm at home and its just to much. My dad is a drunk and its just so annoying and he will never change. My family has financial issues that my mom never tells my dad about then he finds out obviously and he just goes ballistic. Now, I can understand why he would be mad its not right that she does what she does and then gets me involved by trying to hide mail and stuff. Both of them just don't fix anything or change it just keeps going on and on. My dad has been an alcoholic since I was little, but my family had a lot of happier times back then. When I got to be 12/13 everything went downhill the money thing started and he would get drunk and get mean and angry. I was never abused but he would break stuff and throw stuff, one time he did it outside. Back then it was kind of a once in awhile thing. Now he drinks to much every night almost, The one night he randomly started crying about my grandma who passed on awhile back because he a found a penny of hers she liked. Then the other night he started throwing **** and screaming and he might of even thrown stuff at my mom but I was upstairs but I couldn't deal with it so I ran over my boyfriends house at midnight! I was so embarrassed. My dad is just depressed about everything and he just drinks

I feel like I'm to emotional..I want to be numb to all the bad things but I can't be. How do others deal with their parents? My mom smokes cigarettes and my dad drinks to much and they don't take care of themselves and I can't make them and I just think how they are going to kill themselves and its going to be there fault and to late. I don't drink or smoke because of them. I don't have friends because I don't drink. I hate alcohol and what it does to people. I just don't know what to do in these situations because you can't change these people. The only thing I can think of doing is moving out but its going to take forever to get a job and have enough money. I just hate it.

Starburst

to SR plastics, i am so sorry you have had to live your childhood this way, there are alot of people on this site who can help you and we are here for you. just keep posting, unfortunately there is nothing you can do for them, you have to take care of you, I was also a child of an AD but he died when i was 15, so i didnt really go through all that you are going through, and i also hate alcohol, just keep focused on you, keep looking out for the jobs, they will come. For support perhaps you should seek out a alanon group in your area? there are lots of sticky's on top of threads which you can read, just read and read on all the peoples posts, you have proven yourself to be determined and you will find your way out.

(((HUGS)))

Iwanttoheal

Hiya Plastics and welcome to SR,

So many people on this forum have lived the life you describe. I too remember taking to my heels and fleeing the house in the middle of my Dad's drunken rages - I also remember well the shame of these people being my parents.

You have a lot of insight, yes you cannot make your parents change and behave differently, only they can do that for themselves. What you can do is as Mamm said and look after yourself. Keep searching for that job, keep reading and post here as often as you need.

Take care, IWTHxxx

EveningRose

Welcome to SR, plastics. Is there any chance of getting a volunteer position while you continue your job search? Not only would it get you out of the house, it would help you start networking and meeting people who might either become friends or lead you to a job (or both.)

What are your interests and hobbies? Join a group for those things and you will most likely meet people who might become new friends. There are lots of people out there who don't smoke and drink. Get involved in things, and bit by bit, you'll find them.

guiab

Welcome, plastics.
I would also recommend alanon and volunteering in your area of interest. An added benefit of both is getting you out of the house.
Both of my parents were alcoholics - and you are so very correct that it s####. I get the sense you know that you can't heal them, and that is good, because no A will recover until they WANT to recover. There are no known words, drugs, or circumstances that will change their minds to make that decision.
What you need to do it preserve your own sanity. Ruminating, obsessing and dwelling on the alcoholics' financial situation and health will do nothing to help them and will do a lot to hurt you. In alanon it is called detachment - you can love them and hope they recover, offer them encouragement and understanding. The is no limit to the amount of sanity that can be sacrificed on the alter of hope when it comes to alcoholism.
There are people in their 20's who don't drink to excess every weekend. In retrospect, I have learned that a lot of people had substance-free fun by hiking, rock climbing, birding, attending plays, and, of course, volunteering.

utopia

thanks for the posts, reminder that i didnt cause it, cant cure it, cant control it. im also looking for a job to get some independence, so today i am going to try and remember to pray each night for guidance. i am realising maybe i cant get all things at once, but something is hopefully a step in the right direction , in G O D. is Good Orderley Direction......Lord help