Serenab

Hi - I've just joined this forum and am very glad to have somewhere that people may understand how I'm feeling. I'm in a state of panic today but I will try and make this as brief as possible. I am the only child of a single parent alcoholic. To say life was tough growing up is an understatment. I left home at 16 ( i'm 40 now) and have not had a relationship with my alcoholic mother since then. I have built a good life and have two kids ( 10 & 13) I have tried to make their childhoods happy safe and secure, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of that. I split from their dad a long time ago and 6 years ago I fell in love with my partner. She has lived with us since in a home we bought together. about 3 years ago I began to think she had a drink problem - following 3 years of her denial, manipulation and blaming my upbringing for the problems her drinking was causing us she has now realised she is an alcoholic and took the huge step of going into residential rehab. I am very proud of her for this and she is doing well there. I, on the other hand am falling apart. It has only really hit home that I have an alcoholic back in my life and that terrifies me. I also have huge guilt around my kids - although I have managed to protect them form her drinking for the most part - I am angry and guilty that I have doen to them exactly what I thought I would never do - have them live with an alcoholic. I am supporting my partner in rehab and she is doing really well but I just cant seem to stop crying for the last few days. My way of dealing with my mothers alcoholism was to get away from her as soon as I could - then I put all that stuff i was feeling to the back of my mind and got on with my life - this has brought it all back up in my face. I'm panicking. A lot.

cymbal

(((((hugs)))))

Welcome!

Just breathe.....

Deep breath in.......exhale.....

Repeat....

You are going to be just fine!!!

I really understand the anxiety.

Please think of your children.

They need you to be present.

I have done many things for my children that I wouldn't do for myself. I know you can too.

Praying for you and your children!

f2f meetings really help too. The stickies too at the top!!!

mrsck09

I buried my growing up in the dysfunctional alcholic family. I moved out asap, I got married to someone who I never expected to have to deal with addiction again and well he ended up becoming a herion addict! So all my childhood crap that I supressed and ran away from opened up like a can of worms and i got so misserable with anxity, guitly feelings, ect. THEY ONLY THING THAT helped me get through this now is alnon. it helps me with dealing with addict spouse and all the skeletons in my own closet from my upbringin. I got a sponsor and started to work on my recovery. I also found god . without that i would probabily be on medication or severly

mrsck09

(my son hit the button sorry) or more depressed . I also have little kids so I am doing this to stop this dysfunctional cycle thats continued on for years, years. lots of help on SR if you cannot find meeting support . take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself.

coffeedrinker

i happen to like myself pretty well.

i have some crummy qualities, but i have some wonderful ones as well. i believe i am the person i am today because of, not depsite all of my experiences to date. that includes growing up with a severely depressed, and alcoholic mother, and an (to a large degree) absentee father.

i hope that brings you some solace.

the good news is that you will all (or should i say "can" all) learn so much from this! embrace your own recovery, give your children the tools that will help them along, and you may be very pleasantly surprised down the road.