lostnfound1961

Recently a friend I work with and used to go to church with told me her ex-boyfriend who I also went to church with was having issues with his drinking. For some silly reason I asked for his number thinking I could help him out. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I called him yesterday and we talked for about an hour and all was fine. He was sober and it was like old times. He told me he wanted to talk some more but had erronds to run and to call him back later.

Today I called him and he was tanked or on something. He was all spacy and couldn't think or remember what you just said. He wanted me to keep talking to him but I think he was going in and out on me. I asked him if he had been drinking and he said NO! (right) We may have talked for about twenty minutes before I had to hang up.

Today.... He asked me if I wanted to smooch (kiss). When I mentioned I had gained weight since he had last seen me, he asked if it was in my boobs. He kept asking if I liked talking to him and saying how much he liked me and how cute I was. Then he started in on how smart I was. Oh you are so smart. You are soooooo smart. Do you know how smart you are? you are soooooo smart.

I could take no more. I realized I was stupid to call him in the first place. I was not happy but not freaking out tell he started saying the stuff about being smart. He has no idea if I am smart. as a matter of fact, I dropped out of school in the 10th grade.

My gut was getting all tied up in knots and I wanted to cry. I wanted off that call and NOW! See when I was 5-10 my mom used to go get drunk a lot and come home crying and screaming about killing her self and I was the only one of the kids that would try to calm her down. My dad would be at work and my oldest sister was never there. The other sister was just pissed and my mentaly ******** brother most likely was afraid of getting his again. So because I was so afraid she would hurt her self, I was the one who put her to bed and cried with her and told her jokes to calm her down and she would then start telling me all the things I was. Smart, pretty, outgoing, funny....all the stuff she never said sober. All the stuff I could not stand to hear anyone say to me most of my life because it made me feel sick and bad. I felt like only a drunk person would be dumb enough to beleive those things about me. I felt like I was nothing and had nothing to offer. I was unlovable and usless.

So today this man who used to be sober and treated me with respect, this man who is now a drunk tells me I am soooooo smart and I am 5 years old again and felt sick from the inside out.

D

guiab

This may sound hard to believe, but the fact that you see what they are doing - the manipulation - and your emotional reactions is NOT to be manipulated is a good thing.
My emotions still go in lots of different directions in response to triggers, which are mostly upset people or any sort of shortcoming on my part that could be imaging by another human. But my responses are not going into paralysis and resentment as they used to.
I have a HP, and the HP and the recovery process is on my side.

It sure has hell does not feel good, but I know the bad feelings are part of the recovery process.
I ask myself, what is my part in this? To whom am I responsible in this situation?
Those comments are not an evaluation of you, translated from 'addict-omics' its says "Hello _____, please enable me". Another term for this is quacking - as in if it talks like an addict ('quack') it is an addict. The next time you hear those slurred psuedo-compliments, just imagine a big duck is sitting on his head.
Quack, quack, quack - waddle waddle.
And before you burst out laughing, turn and walk away.