Selina

My mom was in the hospital last week because she overdosed on Ambien and Flexiril. It's part of her new plan to continue her addiction without dying from it. She's overdosed 3 times on very serious narcotics (duragesic patch cut in half, oxycontin, vicodin) in the last three years and required emergency room care. Since then she's resolved to switch to "lighter" drugs to avoid death. It's only accelerated the problem, she's had three ambien overdoses since October.

My brothers called me to tell me that she is in the hospital.
I haven't talked to her in over a year. She hasn't seen her grandchildren in over a year. After the oxycontin overdose, I told her to quit or we were through. She went to NA for 8 months and then went back to using. I let it slide and told her that she could not use around my kids. She then used around my kids, to show me that I couldn't tell her what to do. I walked.

She is killing herself, but I don't feel that sad about it. Somewhere, somehow I got to "done." I don't want to see her suffer, but I don't want to be around her anymore. My life is happier without her.

My mother's brother tore into me last weekend about what a terrible person I am because I am not taking care of my mother. The rest of my family will not talk to me. I am sad about that. It's not about forgiving her or not forgiving her. It's about the constant chaos that surrounds her. I can't live with it anymore. I won't have my children around it.

I'm not really sure why I'm here. Maybe just to talk to people who understand while I wait for her to OD and die.

wicked

I do understand this, and I admire your ability to stand your ground against the furious family members. You must follow your boundaries and keep your children safe. My father went to a 6 month rehab, got out, and cabbed it right onto base to the class VI store (liquor store) He was in the hospital again soon with a fatal case of cirrhosis.

Well, you will find many kind and generous people who have been where you are, and share their experience strength and hope with you. I am glad you found this place.

Beth

tromboneliness

This is the tough part -- family members who don't get it. They don't understand that you can't force her to give up drugs. I mean, geezus, don't they think that if there were a way, you'd be doing it?

I have a bit of this with my sister, the family people-pleaser/enabler/worrier, and my Dad the alcoholic (90), who is basically dying of old age, but who also is -- for the first time -- really showing some effects from alcohol. My sister gets all wound up because I/we/someone is not doing enough to fix my Dad's problem. I keep telling her, explaining the Al-Anon stuff, sending her the ACoA Big Book, etc., to get her to understand that (a) there is no way to make my Dad give up booze, if he wants to drink booze, and that (b) hey, it's his right to drink, if he wants to.

Anyhow, I don't have any advice for you -- that's not really what we do too much of, around here -- but ya, you're in good company....

T

dothi

IME family that blames you for abandoning the addict instead of helping the addict themselves are usually trying to alleviate their own guilt/denial. Don't buy into it. As wicked said, maintain your boundaries. Sacrificing your sanity and the well-being of your children is not worth it for someone who is actively choosing to hurt themselves. Nothing healthy, sane, or rational about it. Period.

I don't have kids, but I have made the same decision as you regarding my alcoholic father (who still smokes after lung cancer). He is also killing himself - 65+ old man, trying to drink like he's 16 years old every chance he gets. It's a slow, slow suicide, and it's SELFISH. It's hurting the people around him, and yet he still chooses to feed his addictions. The only way I can protect myself is to place myself too far to be actively hurt by his ongoing behavior.

Quote:

It's about the constant chaos that surrounds her. I can't live with it anymore. I won't have my children around it.

Don't. Your mother's brother can play addiction roulette with his own kids all he wants. You keep doing what you're doing.