Early Recovery from co-dependance
 

Hi im fairly new to recovery. I ended up hitting my emotional bottom last year, after years of trying to 'help' others and taking on their problems etc,(I know now this was my way of trying to control my enviroment) I ended up having a breakdown and hit the wine in a big way for 2 weeks. It was the best thing that could have happened to me as it pushed me into recovery and putting the focus back on myself.

I suffer from depression and whilst the meds keep me at a level im feeling alot of self-pity just now and feel really tired all the time and my body aches, just cant seem to get anything done really as its so much effort, not sure if this is in part due to having depression or could it be early recovery and im grieving for what has happened in my past? Im not sure.

I go to alanon twice a week, CoDa once a week and ive just started going to church which really helps as I wasn't brought up to believe in a faith.

I always feel different to others, especially my friends who seem so together, I guess I compare my insides to other peoples' outsides.

I just came out of a relationship in dec that wasnt healthy, and I feel so lonely and incomplete but I know for my own sake I have to stay single and focus on my recovery but its so hard.

Sorry, self-pity again, I just need to know that it does get easier I need some hope that I can and will get better if I keep atit because right now everything just feels so slow and I feel like im constantly working on my recovery, always reading, journally, on here etc

Thanks

I'm reminded that we have dark days so that the good ones are that much better. It takes years to heal and I really believe that it kind of oozes out of us because if it all came at once we couldn't handle it. Sounds like you're doing a lot of things that you NEED to do for recovery. Anything you can do for yourself that's just fun? A hot bath? An afternoon spent exactly the way you want to?

Thanks Starrynite

Yeah I think I might be expecting too much of myself, ive became totally immersed in doing recovery work and trying to get better, I need to lighten up and have some fun :c031:

And im going to the doctor tomorrow to see if I can get my meds changed so that i'll start feeling more energergetic, hopefully


:tyou

Hi Kirsty,

I remember when I was in early recovery, somebody asked me to write down a list of a hundred things that I loved doing just for me. I couldn't even name five.

But I kept that list, and as things occurred to me, I wrote them down. I finally did get to a hundred eventually. Took me a while LOL

They didn't have to be big things, like flying to exotic places. They could also be little stuff, like a hot soak in a vanilla-scented bubble bath, or those ten minutes of delicious reading I can fit in right before I fall asleep, or eating a single perfect strawberry.

This was the first step at really getting to know myself finally. And I learned that I wasn't so bad as I'd always tried to convince myself :)

What do YOU love?

Aww thanks Give Love!

I know what you mean when I thought about your question my mind just went blank..

I'm beginning to like living on my own and feeling comfortable with it and the silence, and because im on my own I can dance about listening to my favourite music with no-one watching :) I love reading especially books on recovery so im always increasing my self-awareness and I love reading autobiographies too.

Hmm think i'll have to start working on that list, it's true isnt it, recovery CAN be fun!!

:c029:

It may be helpful to you to remind yourself that you ARE incomplete, but that no one aside from yourself can complete you. No one else knows what's inside your head, and even if you describe it to them, they still won't have a complete picture because they will understand what you're saying based on their own experiences (it's taken my husband years to realize that he will never fully comprehend my family - he may understand them well enough to predict their behavior, but he can't truly understand them).

When you can complete yourself, you'll find that you make very good company.

When I first started recovery ('97??) someone once innocently asked me "If you met yourself at a party, would you like yourself?" My answer then was an emphatic No. Now? Now I think I'd get along quite nicely with myself. After that question was asked, I started digging a little deeper into *why* I wouldn't like myself and working on those things that would make me not want to associate with myself.

So working on you gains the net result that you won't feel lonely because you'll have yourself for pleasant company, and also you won't feel incomplete because you will be completing those aspects of yourself that make you unhappy with yourself.

Glad to hear you're going to see your doc. Meds at the wrong levels, in my experience, can often be worse than no meds at all.

Wow, seeing my own words staring back at me was a tad uncomfortable.. does that make sense??

Thanks so much for your reply and insight, you're right and I do have alot of work to do on myself. If I met myself at a party I probably wouldn't like myself because I would be so nervous, shy and withdrawn I would make ME feel uncomfortable so that definitely gives me an idea on what I need to work on. Yet when im with my close friends and siblings I DO like the me that I am because I can feel free and comfortable being who I really am, and not have to worry about what they think of me, so can just enjoy being in their company. I wish I could be like this with others, in the workplace and aqauintances etc.

Kirsty - I know that feeling very well -- shy nervous and uncomfortable. It seems I can only be myself with my children; and I love that "ME", she rocks -- she is funny, interesting, and self-confident!! Been wondering myself lately how I can coax that girl out so others can get to know her.... Made a big step last night going to a church social activity, alone, where I didn't know anyone. Normally I would be too scared to walk into a room of people I didn't know and socialize. But, I did it!! Baby steps. I've been in therapy and al-anon for two years, and I feel like that was a huge breakthrough for me.

Wow Nowinsituation thats not baby steps that a HUGE big step especially if like me you suffer from social anxiety and always need the security of my close friends when going out, heck sometimes im terrified just going into a place to meet my friends! So you going somewhere on your own where you didnt know anyone is massive!

It's funny isnt it, how we DO like ourselves when we're with others we trust, it's just trying to let the real us out in public...

It means alot that you can identify and I find what you did on your own the other night inspiring, well done!