my daughter is angry

Old 01-26-2010, 06:30 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 52
my daughter is angry

My daughter is having dreams in which she's fighting, the sheets are torn off the bed each morning and the other night she scratched up her hands somehow while she was asleep. When she discussed it with me I told her it sounds like she's angry and all of the feelings she's been stuffing inside herself for years are starting to surface. She said that her best friend concurred. (Always nice when mom's wisdom is reinforced by the pre-teen friend. )

Last night we started reading "Alateen: Hope for children of alcoholics". I'm adding the words addiction and drugs. We also started their One day at a time book. I'm lucky in that she's talking to me about her feelings although she gets upset if I point out ways her behavior can change in regard to the situation. But I think for the most part she's listening and thinking about it. And we've made a lot of progress... I think. She still has to live with and learn to accept the fact that my exah is inconsistent and may or may not show up...that at this point she is more mature and able to make better decisions than he is. And that her little brother is confused and she's the person he's running to when things don't make sense and he needs advice.

Any other resources or advice from folks who've lived the life my kids are living?
Thanks!
starrynite is offline  
Old 01-26-2010, 07:18 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Starry, sounds like you're doing the right things: helping her identify her feelings, giving her outside resources, keeping the lines of communication open. Have you ever seen a counselor with her? Does she do any sports or activities in or out of school that may allow her to vent her aggressions? Motion can be really helpful - wii fit, punching a bag, martial arts, anything like that. In my 20's, I finally took up racquetball (after being a non-sporting type all my life) and it helped me pound two decades of anger and frustration into a little blue ball...poor little things LOL.......I was always so relieved and so exhausted when I was done!
GiveLove is offline  
Old 02-02-2010, 06:09 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 52
Give, I think you may be right. Last night she was mad at me over something that was misinterpreted. I could hear her outside crying and slamming her basketball around. Let her have a few minutes and then went out to talk to her. Seems that sports may be her outlet.

She's been in counseling before but doesn't talk much. The counselor and I finally agreed that it was wasting time and money. I've asked if she wants to go back but she says she'd rather talk to me.

I'm not sure if the alateen book is helping or scaring her. There's just a huge lack of materials for children who deal with these issues.
starrynite is offline  
Old 02-02-2010, 10:22 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
dothi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Originally Posted by starrynite View Post
She still has to live with and learn to accept the fact that my exah is inconsistent and may or may not show up...that at this point she is more mature and able to make better decisions than he is. And that her little brother is confused and she's the person he's running to when things don't make sense and he needs advice.
First, you are doing very well in providing her with many options for support. Your daughter is very lucky that way.

But unfortunately, your daughter is still dealing with the world of adult responsibility that she's had to embrace now that she's more grown up than dad. Her brother depending on her rather than dad also puts adult pressure on her. This is all putting A LOT on your daughter's mind - where is her break from it? Maybe that's why the counselling isn't working for her right now. She can always go back later if she feels the need arise.

The problem is already acknowledged, there is no more denial, so what about time or activities to get a break from thinking about the shi**y alcoholism business. Like GiveLove suggested, sports or something physically involved can be very mentally soothing. As a young adult I'm still processing a lot of anger over alcoholism in my family, and physical activity has been a great outlet for it
dothi is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:43 AM.