tromboneliness

Dothi's right -- you guys are handling this well.

She'll probably keep at it awhile -- so you'll have to keep your guard up and just act like a broken record (unless you're too young to remember records, in which case, they were these big black discs that made sound with a needle in a groove -- bizarre, no? -- and once in awhile, there would be a scratch in the groove so the needle would skip back and keep repeating... 'way inconvenient, compared to an iPod... but I digress), and say, "We'll come and pick you up when the staff says you're ready to come home," or however you want to phrase that.

The bottom line: obviously, there's still some pretty serious disease/denial going on here. But it's early -- remember, my qualifier's stay at the "spa" lasted almost 5 months! That's unusual, but not unheard of. There's no standard length of time that it takes for treatment to work.

Yet another reason we talk about taking it "one day at a time!"

T

NewBeginnings1598

Thanks Dothi and Tromboneliness. I really appreciate the support. It is getting easier for me to say no because I have finally made the descision that I will not fall for her excuses anymore. The program we designed for her last 6-9 months. All she has done so far is the detox. She has not entered the program yet and that is what we keep telling her. She has not started the program like she promised so there is no way she is all better. Everybody who knows her knows she has a problem. She is the only one who does not know this. When she calls everyday though it is actually easier on us because we know she is ok. I know that when she does not call we will all be worried and that is worse than her calling. We will get through it but it will not be easy.

The sad thing is that if she keeps refusing the program she may very well be homeless. The "spa" we have her at is like a homeless shelter that gives people help with their addiction. She is being treated as a homeless woman right now and will continue to be until she makes the step to join the program. As long as she takes classes during the day, they will guarantee her a bed. If she decides to not take classes she will be on the street. That will be tough on us if she does that but it may very well be what she needs. The only one that knows what her bottom will be is God. I sincerely hope that she joins soon because we are supposed to get a snow storm this weekend and she needs to have that place to sleep at night, but that place will not be her home. (Still don't know why I keep calling that house a home because a home has love) Either way I know that if she never admits she has a problem we still have to stick to our boundaries and I know it will be tough but will get better with each day. There is light at the end of this tunnel, we just have to remind ourselves of that when we hit patches of darkness going through.

NewBeginnings1598

Quick Update. My AM called me today and asked me to bring her some more clothes and a little bit of money to buy a drink with. I did call the place and they said drinks are for sale during the AA meetings for .75. She told me that she loved me and to tell my dad and brother that she loved them too. I said we love you too and we just want the real "you" back so we can be a family and that is why we are not picking you up. She told me she knew and that she could not promise to always be in a good mood when she talked to us. I said I can say the same for us. She said she was moving up a step in the program today or tomorrow and will be a resident. I tried to call the place so they could tell me what that meant (and to make sure she was not lying) and all they will tell me is we can neither confirm nor deny that your mother is here. I said I already know she is there I just got off the phone with her. All I want to know is what does the next step mean. I get so frustrated that they will not tell me what that means. It's hard to not know if she is playing tricks on us or if she is truly starting to see. I will bring the stuff she wanted tonight but because I am so scared that it could be a trick, I am going to drop her stuff at the main building and will not go see her.

Does anyone have any ideas? Does this sound like a trick or is this something genuine for the first time in year???

suki44883

When I was in detox, I was assigned a number and unless the person calling or coming by had that number, they weren't told anything, even whether or not I was there. There is also usually a form for patients to sign that states who is allowed to receive information. If your name isn't listed on that form, they won't tell you anything.

Insulated

I have this new credo....the menu options have changed. You're doing the right thing and it's hard. Your father is enforcing your boundaries and will become a great ally to you.

NewBeginnings1598

Thanks. Sukki, my mom has not been able to sign the paper to release info yet. It's complicated but basically boils down to another few weeks before she does that because she has to become a resident of the county before they let her do that. We took her to a different county than where she lives to be certain that she could not come home easily. I was able to actually get a little information about her a few minutes ago and it was all positive. She is opening up now to the counselors there and while they won't tell me what she is saying (which is fine) they are assuring us that she is making progress. I was still told to not see her or get her if she asks again which I have that part down pat now :-) I am so glad that she decided to join the program because I was very worried about what would happen to her this weekend with the snow storm coming. I did not know if I had the courage to let her stay on the street if there was not a bed for her. I am so excited right now. I keep telling myself to simmer down because this is just beginning and there will probably be some setbacks, but I can't help it. I am estatic!!