Should have known better
 

3 1/2 years ago, I found this place and it helped me finally realize that the best way to help my dad was to stop making everything ok for him. To stop fixing his problems and to stop making excuses for him.

For the first time ever, he went into rehab and was there for 6 months.

I came back almost a year ago to tell everyone how much this place helped, and how proud I was of my dad. He had been sober for 3 years and was doing so well. I thought he finally had beaten this.

Today I am back to say I was wrong. I am heartbroken to have found out he is drinking again. I had suspected it for awhile, the signs were there-particualrly his staying away. But today I found out for sure.

I realize that there is nothing I can do. But that doesn't stop the pain. Pain that he is destroying the life he worked so hard for the last 3 years. Pain because I realize he will never be the father I want, or need. Anger at myself, because I should have known better. I should have known.

How should you have known? I mean this in the most light-hearted way, but who put a crystal ball in your head? :)

No offense, but after all the learning we do to lower our expectations for our A-parents to protect ourselves from disappointment, this sounds like a strong recipe for disappointment to me. He was doing everything right. He was showing you with actions that he was taking recovery seriously.

Are you a fool for believing his actions? Absolutely not.

Unfortunately, now you have a better gauge for how serious his alcoholism is. And yes it is a tremendous disappointment. And just as you have before, you'll have to manage your relationship with your dad so that you are not so easily wounded by his decisions or his disease (if you see it this way).

Be easy on yourself ranae, and give yourself time and space to be disappointed and hurt. Letting go of the dream your dad could have been all over again is a hard reality to face, so let yourself grieve. *hug smiley pending forums upgrade ;)*