New
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1
New
Hi,
new here. I'm an ACOA of an AF with codependant mother. Im 27.
I've been doing okay in my recovery (went to see a therapist for a while where I learned a lot about the disease). However, I find that I'm going thru another rough patch..
History: AF has been a functional A all my life. Never physical but verbally abusive. I went to university but it got worse. I hated coming home to visit or during the summer. I finally moved out for good after university for my own sanity. I took a job hours away and moved closer to my bf's family (I basically adopted them). I barely speak to my parents, or even to my two brothers.
I feel sorry for my parents but at the same time I'm angry with them. In the last 6 years, my mom was diagnosed with rheumatoid artritis, pulmonary fibrosis (she can't breathe properly, can't even have a shower without being exhausted), and recently has developed a heart complication. Her health is grim, but the rest of the family is in denial of the severity and it makes me angry.
I have tried to offer resources for her health, but she ended up getting sick again and had to be hospitalized for 3 weeks with a stint in ICU. I think she is depressed but she says she's fine. I called the other night and my AF was hammered. She basically took care of him for 35 years, and now she can't take care of herself. My dad's like "I'll do this and that..." but it never happens.
I know it will never change, and I hate putting those expectations on them because it only makes me more angry and disappointed. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I have never told them how I feel because "there is no problem". I don't see how confronting them will make me feel any better. I don't know what to do...
I feel like the next phone call I get will be of someone having a stroke or possiby dying. Everyone else's denial is driving me crazy
thanks for letting me rant
new here. I'm an ACOA of an AF with codependant mother. Im 27.
I've been doing okay in my recovery (went to see a therapist for a while where I learned a lot about the disease). However, I find that I'm going thru another rough patch..
History: AF has been a functional A all my life. Never physical but verbally abusive. I went to university but it got worse. I hated coming home to visit or during the summer. I finally moved out for good after university for my own sanity. I took a job hours away and moved closer to my bf's family (I basically adopted them). I barely speak to my parents, or even to my two brothers.
I feel sorry for my parents but at the same time I'm angry with them. In the last 6 years, my mom was diagnosed with rheumatoid artritis, pulmonary fibrosis (she can't breathe properly, can't even have a shower without being exhausted), and recently has developed a heart complication. Her health is grim, but the rest of the family is in denial of the severity and it makes me angry.
I have tried to offer resources for her health, but she ended up getting sick again and had to be hospitalized for 3 weeks with a stint in ICU. I think she is depressed but she says she's fine. I called the other night and my AF was hammered. She basically took care of him for 35 years, and now she can't take care of herself. My dad's like "I'll do this and that..." but it never happens.
I know it will never change, and I hate putting those expectations on them because it only makes me more angry and disappointed. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I have never told them how I feel because "there is no problem". I don't see how confronting them will make me feel any better. I don't know what to do...
I feel like the next phone call I get will be of someone having a stroke or possiby dying. Everyone else's denial is driving me crazy
thanks for letting me rant
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 197
Hi drake78
For me, in my family of origin denial allowed the crazy dysfunction to continue. There was never any problem so there was nothing for anyone to take responsibility for and effect changes. This allowed the dysfunctional status quo to continue and continue and continue...
Would your Mother be entitled to any form of at-home social care? Bring the elephant out of the living room - have it recorded that your father is incapable of providing the care she needs.
Thinking of you, IWTHxxx
For me, in my family of origin denial allowed the crazy dysfunction to continue. There was never any problem so there was nothing for anyone to take responsibility for and effect changes. This allowed the dysfunctional status quo to continue and continue and continue...
Would your Mother be entitled to any form of at-home social care? Bring the elephant out of the living room - have it recorded that your father is incapable of providing the care she needs.
Thinking of you, IWTHxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
