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Old 10-24-2009, 04:32 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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New here

I was so happy to find a place where there is support for us ACOA's. Let me begin with some background information.

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. I am 22 years old and my dad was drinking from the time i was born. I am an only child, so there are no brothers or sisters to lean on. My parents social group were all heavy drinkers, so his problem was not noticed at first. My dad was also verbally and physically abusive towards my mom. I am really lucky that he was never physically abusive towards me, although when i got older and sick of him when he was drinking, he became verbally abusive towards me. He finally realised he had a problem when he would binge drink for days and not go to work etc. He is self-employed, so luckily we never had to worry about him loosing his job.

My mom has admitted he was drinking before she married him. I think that because she knew he would earn well, she overlooked a lot of it. During his years of drinking and abuse she never left him, even though i begged her to several times. Once she even told me she didn't leave because of me! At the time i felt terrible, but as i got older, i realised what a horrible thing that is to say to your child. Social status was more important to my mom than anything else. So much so, that i was told never to talk about our problems to anyone. My mom also knew that if my dad ever tried to hit her when he was drunk, she would scream for me and i would run and put myself between my dad and her because he would never hit me. She knew i would always save her.

When i was in my teens, i started acting out a lot. I kept asking to see a psychologist and my parents brushed it off because, "what could possibly be wrong, we have a big house and nice cars etc", until things got so bad they finally let me see a psycologist. Over the years, whenever i have the need to see my psycologist, my parents think its something else causing the problem. It could never be them, even though when they came to a few initial sessions with me, the psycologist explained what they were doing wrong.

When i was 19, my dad finally managed to stop drinking. He has been sober for almost 3 years. The unfortunate thing is he still acts like a lunatic a lot of them time. When he first stopped drinking, i was really skeptical, because he had stopped before for a few months before starting again. Then he started doing the controlling father thing for a while, which just pissed me off because he was a part-time father for 19 years and suddenly he gets sober and wants to begin parenting! My parents still argue quite a bit, and they always try and draw me in to listening to who is right and wrong - which they should realise is wrong! The other thing is my dad now helps to rehabilitate alcoholics and drug addicts. That is a fantastic thing, but he doesnt tell anyone that he is a recovering addict himself and he judges every person who has more than a few drinks. My dad is very intelligent but unfortunately that also means that he thinks no one is as intelligent as him. I am quite sure that he has a bit of a god complex mixed in with a very controlling personality.

Both my parents think the only way to behave is like them. For example, today my dad 'advised' me today that i should attend more functions with them, because thats how i would meet the 'right' type of guy. (i didnt feel like going with them to a supper at their friends house). What the hell? I am only 22! Which 22 year old goes out with their parents and their parents friends? My parents are both very clingy :ghug3 and judgemental. I was dating a guy that they didnt like, even though he treated me like a princess, because he wasn't a doctor or lawyer etc. What makes them think they have the right to tell me about what kind of relationships i should have when they have no respect for eachother and cant have a conversation about anything other than the superficial. Unfortunately i have not yet graduated, so i am stuck living at home with this madness. Thank god i found this website. (last part was a bit of a rant - much needed).
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Old 10-24-2009, 04:36 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Living in sobriety
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
welcome!! I am glad you found this website too. You will find many friends here.
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