Advice on Dating an ACOA Woman
 

I've been dating a wonderful woman for about 5 months and we just recently realized that the problme we are having are due to her be an ACOA. I want to be there for her but its so difficult when she pushes and pulls all the time..I would love some advice on what i can do to deal with the feelings i have especially when she pushes away.

Have you considered counseling for yourself to help you through the tumultuous feelings you're going through? A counselor can talk with you about the dynamic of the individual situations you're going through, get into detail we can't here, and recommend specific remedies and actions that might help you find common ground. A counselor might also help you get to the root of why, when someone (ACOA or not) pushes you away, you don't just move on, but continue to engage in the push-pull drama even though it hurts you. Just a thought....I know it was very helpful to me.

evolvingjp-I just wanted to say that it's great that you are there for your partner because I know how tough it can be dating an ACOA (I'm a nightmare!lol).

I think Givelove's idea is a very good one and also you could try reading Loving an Adult Child of an Alcocholic by Douglas and Deborah Bey.

I can't speak for your partner, but when I push my boyfriend away it isn't anything to do with him, really, it's because I learned early on that trusting someone led to pain and rejection. It was very difficult for him, but I think he realises now that it doesn't mean I don't love him.

I wish I had some magic words that could make it ok for you and your partner, but unfortunately it takes time and lots of love and patience. But it CAN be done, there are lots of people on here that are proof that ACOA's can have long, happy, healthy relationships!

Lots of luck to you both x