Advice requested
 

Hi - I post mostly on the friends and family forum. I'm married right now to an alcoholic and have four children. I'm beginning the process of getting my head out of the sand and dealing with the reality of my life. I read over here a lot.

I recently read 'It Will Never Happen to Me!' Children of Alcoholics: As Youngsters - Adolescents - Adults by Claudia Black. I read that to try and get a better understanding as a mother but I guess I did admit to myself that my mother was an alcoholic. Still haven't said it out loud to anyone - and may not. She died many years ago. I've always considered my childhood a pretty good one but I do see how some of my dysfunctional ways of dealing with my life today are probably related to my childhood. Anyway....on to the question/point of this post ;)

My heart was also breaking for my cousin's three kids. All girls, aged 17-23. They all grew up (well, youngest is still there) with two alcoholic parents. I know they have had it rough (and if I think it from what little I know the reality must be so painful). I've considered buying them each a book and just sending it to them with a little note explaining that I sort of understand and I want them to have it to read. Is that a bad idea from your perspective? I think I'm a little codie (ha!) and I'm not exactly sure I can draw a good line between reaching out and minding my own business. If it is an OK idea, what book would you recommend?

Thumper,

Bless you for wanting to help others through the healing process too.

You may want to live with that thought for a while (a few days/weeks), and really think it through from all sides..."play the tape all the way through" as they say, and think about all of the possible outcomes. Are you in frequent contact with your cousin's kids? Are you very close?

That said......there's an awful lot of freedom to be found in addressing the roots of one's own dysfunction. You're more than welcome to explore your own healing in this safe space. We've all been there, and can offer - at the very least - a sounding board to explore your own feelings, right, wrong, or neither.

Big hugs,
GL

I know what you mean. I'm not sure it is the right thing, which is why I posted about it.

I am more close to one then the others. I'll probably either send her something or just talk to her about my experience just a little next time I see her. The other two I no longer see in person so I'm no longer as close to them as I was when they were younger. I'm more unsure of those two. I'm taking your advice and doing nothing right now.

I did feel very 'different' as a young adult. Like I was a little bit broken and didn't know why. I just can't figure out how I would have felt about something like that if it had been given to me. I'll think on it some more ;)