takincareome

I was reading a dieting site recently and it talked about trigger foods -- those foods that you LOVE that send you into an eating frenzy. Potato chips, chocolate. Anyway. Yes, I'm going somewhere with this.

I started thinking about Trigger People. By this, I mean people in my life who bring out the worst in me. And they aren't all in my family. I'm actually getting (dare I say it) sort of decent about dealing with my nutty family. I don't do as well with others sometimes.

Case in point. I have a coworker that I really don't like. She is one of those people that if you ran 5 miles, she ran 10. If you baked a dozen cookies, she baked 2 dozen. She's better than you in every way, and she's not ashamed to let you know it. Even better, she won't even let you know it directly. She'll indirectly skewer you and you're left thinking, wait, WTF just happened? She also can't get along with anybody, because she's one of those people who confuses "businesslike" with "bitchy."

But I see through her, mainly because we're so much alike in some ways. She is just as insecure as I am sometimes. She just deals with it differently. I am of the "too nice" ACOA school, or at least I have been in the past (I'm still nice; just not too nice. Or trying not to be, anyhoo). She masks it by trying to appear superior and imperious.

I really sort of feel sorry for her, but I have to be careful around her. Being the ACOA that I am, I can fall into a trap easily around her and next thing I know I'm babbling away, trying to win her over. Because even though I don't like her, I want her to like ME. Because that's how crazy my thinking can get.

Anyway, she is a Trigger Person. I have to be extra careful to hold her at arm's length; not run after her to get her approval; and watch my responses. I'm as nice to her as I know how to be, but you know what I mean.

Do any of you find that you have Trigger People in your lives (outside your family, who are of course the best trigger folks)? Do you think that these people get to you because of any shared characteristics? What are some of the ways that you deal with them? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

takincareome

Hm. So I guess it's just me then.
Did that even make sense?

Iwanttoheal

Nope, not just you hun and it made perfect sense.

I've been having a peruse about this (there's a big word, tee hee).

Needy people are my trigger people. I seem to have this great big beacon flashing above my head - "Come dump all your emotional cr*p here". And when my knees are buckling under the weight, I don't say no more, I say hang on, let me make some more room, there you go, now tell me everything"

Yep, a good, old unhealthy codependent, that was me because, guess what, i'm learning to make changes, I'm learning to say NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

readyforhelp

takincareome,

You're making complete sense. And, I love Iwanttoheal's analogy of the flashing beacon and making more room for someone else's stuff.

I believe that when we can't stand someone it is usually a reflection in ourselves for some sort of necessary healing/lesson to be learned on our part. Of course, the one-upper gets on a lot of people nerves, I think. We have one in my work group. I now think it's funny to listen to her as she one-ups EVERY SINGLE THING in EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION. It justs places a giant sign above her head stating, "Insecure one here."

Not sure if this helps, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, my friend, and you do make sense.

takincareome

Thanks guys.

You're right, IWTH, we're learning how *not* to do those behaviors. Yay us!
Readyforhelp, I think that's a good lesson for me to remember: When I can't stand someone, perhaps that means they are there to teach us something. I find it's much easier to look at people as "teachers" rather than "enemies" of a sort. Although it takes practice!