lostbutterfly

My youngest daughter (she is six) - her father is an alcoholic, married to another alcoholic (we split up a few years ago).

He is basically in the process of drinking himself to death (he is 36). He has alcoholic neuropathy and is just about able to still walk short distances but needs a wheelchair for anything like going down the shops.

His optic nerve is affected, so his sight is going. He is in various stages of drunkeness when she sees him.

She still wants to see him, but we only go over for a couple of hours once a week at most.

What I'd like to know, in your experience with your alcoholic parents, how much should I tell her now and in the future, and is there anyway I can help her as she watches her father deteriorate.

PurpleWilder

This would be a good opportunity to consult with a child psychologist. Every child is different, so it is hard to know what to say. One kid would understand while another would freak out.

Maybe right now, just say that he is very sick. And he is - from alcoholism. But you may want to consider coming clean when she is older due to the fact that alcoholism seems to have a genetic component. Not that alcoholism will be her fate for sure, but she may be predisposed to it. It may be useful to her to know that she needs to be careful.

There is a program called Rainbows that is offered by many churches and community organizations. They offer "excellent, state of the art intervention and prevention curricula for children and adolescents who are experiencing a divorce, death, or other painful transition in their family". My kids went through it twice to help them get through my divorce from a verbally, financially, emotionally abusive husband. It really helped them a lot. And I don't recall that it cost anything. They loved it.

Hope this helps.

Faerie

LB,

I have no advice for you, but know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.

Much love, as always,

Faerie xx

DesertEyes

Al-anon has programs for children. Here in Vegas there's a very strong al-ateen group, and in the bigger cities there is al-atot. If they don't have it available in your part of the worl, just get on the al-anon website and they'll send you all the materials so you can start one.

Mike

takincareome

That's a tough one. I agree a child psychologist wouldn't be a bad idea, and also alateen, too. I don't know how much she already knows as far as his drinking, I think that's the key. Prayers to you and your daughter.

lostbutterfly

Thank you for your answers. At the moment, I tell her daddy is just sick. He is still quite a laugh and she has a good time, but I keep it in small doses.

As far as her becoming an alcoholic, she's got it on boths side going back a few generations - that's the ones we know about. I'm a recovering alkie/addict myself and hope to stay that way.

I suppose I should be more understanding of his inability to stop drinking but it just makes me angry. I just want to protect my daughter from being hurt by it.