Overreacting to Stupid Situations
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Overreacting to Stupid Situations
I can't tell everyone how grateful I am for all the comments I receive when I write all of my random posts here. I mean, sometimes I just get so confused and I can't figure things out (like right now) so I come here and get the best advice. It's a great outlet for me.
Anyway, my confusion/problem/whatever-you-want-to-call it, has nothing to do with my parents, but by the behavior I've probably learned from them. I'll explain...
I'm in Germany right now for three weeks and so far it's going really well. I get along really well with some of the other American students here with me, and we've also been hanging around some German "buddies" that we've met through Uni, and it's great. I've been having more fun than I have in a very long time. I found out that one of the German buddies had invited 2 people over to watch a movie, saying that he just wanted a small crowd. I had too much homework and couldn't have gone anyway, but at first I was really offended. I thought I was really starting to get along with this German guy, as much as the other two invited.
1.) I know how ridiculous this sounds and how much I'm over-blowing this whole thing. I always blow things WAY out of proportion
2.) It really hurt me at first (the whole rejection thing... which probably isn't even very real here)
3.) After 30 min or so when I thought back on the subject, I felt nothing. I realized that I became completely numb to the whole situation. That's when I became confused and starting wondering if "normal" healthy people would react in this way.
I honestly don't feel much anymore and that's confusing for me. I really don't know how to feel... correctly! I mean, should I allow myself to feel this rejection, imagined or not, and feel like crap? Or is it more healthy to be numb to it? I obviously instinctively chose the latter, but it's so confusing for me. I'm finding that I have a really huge fear of rejection. I realize that the next time I see these people I'm going to "know" that they don't want to be around me, and although I'll act as always, I will never allow myself to believe we could be friends; I will never trust them. I feel betrayed over such a ridiculous situation and I realize how stupid it is logically. And yet I know this is how I'm reacting.
Anyway, my confusion/problem/whatever-you-want-to-call it, has nothing to do with my parents, but by the behavior I've probably learned from them. I'll explain...
I'm in Germany right now for three weeks and so far it's going really well. I get along really well with some of the other American students here with me, and we've also been hanging around some German "buddies" that we've met through Uni, and it's great. I've been having more fun than I have in a very long time. I found out that one of the German buddies had invited 2 people over to watch a movie, saying that he just wanted a small crowd. I had too much homework and couldn't have gone anyway, but at first I was really offended. I thought I was really starting to get along with this German guy, as much as the other two invited.
1.) I know how ridiculous this sounds and how much I'm over-blowing this whole thing. I always blow things WAY out of proportion
2.) It really hurt me at first (the whole rejection thing... which probably isn't even very real here)
3.) After 30 min or so when I thought back on the subject, I felt nothing. I realized that I became completely numb to the whole situation. That's when I became confused and starting wondering if "normal" healthy people would react in this way.
I honestly don't feel much anymore and that's confusing for me. I really don't know how to feel... correctly! I mean, should I allow myself to feel this rejection, imagined or not, and feel like crap? Or is it more healthy to be numb to it? I obviously instinctively chose the latter, but it's so confusing for me. I'm finding that I have a really huge fear of rejection. I realize that the next time I see these people I'm going to "know" that they don't want to be around me, and although I'll act as always, I will never allow myself to believe we could be friends; I will never trust them. I feel betrayed over such a ridiculous situation and I realize how stupid it is logically. And yet I know this is how I'm reacting.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Flint MI
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Oh My............. first it is a deep breath........your second step should be is why am I over thinking this........are you attracted to him? Did you really want to go and used your homework as an excuse to stay? Maybe he picked up on some vibe from you.............as for normal?!?! Honey what ever when ever you feel something it is normal..........good luck and I pray you enjoy your stay I loved it over there!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Pamm
PS make sure you take a river tour on one of the house boats ( thats what we call them here in the us forgot what they are called there!)
Love and hugs,
Pamm
PS make sure you take a river tour on one of the house boats ( thats what we call them here in the us forgot what they are called there!)
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Oh I'm not at all attracted to this guy. However, it's always fun to hang around with he and his friends, really with everyone who went tonight. I really did have 4 hours of homework to do tonight, so if invited, I wouldn't have gone. It was just that... I wasn't invited.
I'm not really concerned about the situation itself (like I said, I'm pretty much completely numb to it now), but by my initial reaction to it, the numbness, and the likely future coming from this situation.
Has anyone had experiences like this? I'm thinking that this comes from what I've learned from my parents--trust and get burned. It just really worries me that, after something so small and after only knowing these people for a week, I already know that I will never allow myself to trust them as friends. I don't think there's anyone in the world that I trust to be honest. It's situations like this that show me how much I need to work on.
I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering if this sounds remotely familiar to anyone else.
I'm not really concerned about the situation itself (like I said, I'm pretty much completely numb to it now), but by my initial reaction to it, the numbness, and the likely future coming from this situation.
Has anyone had experiences like this? I'm thinking that this comes from what I've learned from my parents--trust and get burned. It just really worries me that, after something so small and after only knowing these people for a week, I already know that I will never allow myself to trust them as friends. I don't think there's anyone in the world that I trust to be honest. It's situations like this that show me how much I need to work on.
I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering if this sounds remotely familiar to anyone else.
Last edited by dolce7dolore; 07-26-2009 at 04:16 PM.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
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This was so amazing for me to read because in all of the recovery I've done situations like this still screw me up. I could have been reading a day in my life by reading your post. I'm not saying this happens every day to this magnitude, but I relate!
It's helpful for me to try to do a reality check from the get-go, but I still struggle with the rejection feeling.
It's helpful for me to try to do a reality check from the get-go, but I still struggle with the rejection feeling.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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wow, this feels close to how i felt in my recent post "trust". for me i have to work out what is stemming from the present issue and what about it is stirring up unresolved hurts from the past and then try to separate them so i dont kill someone for stepping on my toes or accidentally bumping into me. :S
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Join Date: Mar 2009
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Remember, we codepedents compare our insides to other people's outsides. We tend to think "Oh, God, they must hate us. Why wasn't I invited? They must not like me....etc, etc." It could just have been:
his apartment was too small
he was embarassed to show it to a female - maybe messy
doesn't like a lot of people over; doesn't like crowds
maybe the movie was, uhhhh.....more of a guy movie
and he would have been embarassed to have you over
could have been tons of other things too that have absolutely nothing to do with you. And it probably didn't. Please don't dwell on it too much.
his apartment was too small
he was embarassed to show it to a female - maybe messy
doesn't like a lot of people over; doesn't like crowds
maybe the movie was, uhhhh.....more of a guy movie
and he would have been embarassed to have you overcould have been tons of other things too that have absolutely nothing to do with you. And it probably didn't. Please don't dwell on it too much.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
Oh I absolutely do the same thing. I don't know if I would call it "numb"; but I pretend like I don't care. I realize now that because of that others perceive me as cold and aloof. My defense mechanism to make it hurt less when I am not invited, is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, I don't know how to stop it, either.
To thine own self be true
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by dolce7dolore 
I can't tell everyone how grateful I am for all the comments I receive when I write all of my random posts here. I mean, sometimes I just get so confused and I can't figure things out (like right now) so I come here and get the best advice. It's a great outlet for me.
Anyway, my confusion/problem/whatever-you-want-to-call it, has nothing to do with my parents, but by the behavior I've probably learned from them. I'll explain...
I'm in Germany right now for three weeks and so far it's going really well. I get along really well with some of the other American students here with me, and we've also been hanging around some German "buddies" that we've met through Uni, and it's great. I've been having more fun than I have in a very long time. I found out that one of the German buddies had invited 2 people over to watch a movie, saying that he just wanted a small crowd. I had too much homework and couldn't have gone anyway, but at first I was really offended. I thought I was really starting to get along with this German guy, as much as the other two invited.
1.) I know how ridiculous this sounds and how much I'm over-blowing this whole thing. I always blow things WAY out of proportion
2.) It really hurt me at first (the whole rejection thing... which probably isn't even very real here)
3.) After 30 min or so when I thought back on the subject, I felt nothing. I realized that I became completely numb to the whole situation. That's when I became confused and starting wondering if "normal" healthy people would react in this way.
I honestly don't feel much anymore and that's confusing for me. I really don't know how to feel... correctly! I mean, should I allow myself to feel this rejection, imagined or not, and feel like crap? Or is it more healthy to be numb to it? I obviously instinctively chose the latter, but it's so confusing for me. I'm finding that I have a really huge fear of rejection. I realize that the next time I see these people I'm going to "know" that they don't want to be around me, and although I'll act as always, I will never allow myself to believe we could be friends; I will never trust them. I feel betrayed over such a ridiculous situation and I realize how stupid it is logically. And yet I know this is how I'm reacting.
Anyway, my confusion/problem/whatever-you-want-to-call it, has nothing to do with my parents, but by the behavior I've probably learned from them. I'll explain...
I'm in Germany right now for three weeks and so far it's going really well. I get along really well with some of the other American students here with me, and we've also been hanging around some German "buddies" that we've met through Uni, and it's great. I've been having more fun than I have in a very long time. I found out that one of the German buddies had invited 2 people over to watch a movie, saying that he just wanted a small crowd. I had too much homework and couldn't have gone anyway, but at first I was really offended. I thought I was really starting to get along with this German guy, as much as the other two invited.
1.) I know how ridiculous this sounds and how much I'm over-blowing this whole thing. I always blow things WAY out of proportion
2.) It really hurt me at first (the whole rejection thing... which probably isn't even very real here)
3.) After 30 min or so when I thought back on the subject, I felt nothing. I realized that I became completely numb to the whole situation. That's when I became confused and starting wondering if "normal" healthy people would react in this way.
I honestly don't feel much anymore and that's confusing for me. I really don't know how to feel... correctly! I mean, should I allow myself to feel this rejection, imagined or not, and feel like crap? Or is it more healthy to be numb to it? I obviously instinctively chose the latter, but it's so confusing for me. I'm finding that I have a really huge fear of rejection. I realize that the next time I see these people I'm going to "know" that they don't want to be around me, and although I'll act as always, I will never allow myself to believe we could be friends; I will never trust them. I feel betrayed over such a ridiculous situation and I realize how stupid it is logically. And yet I know this is how I'm reacting.
My father is an alcoholic. I will be 30 yrs old in September, and I didn't realize how his alcoholism had affected me until my mid - late 20's. I have overreacted to many things, and I still do, but many times it was justified. I also have let little things bother me more than I should have. I also, have a huge fear of rejection.
I understand what you are saying here. I would be offended about the idea of it. Why invite 2 other pple and not me? Small crowd? Is one other person really going to matter?
With this, I would feel annoyed about it, but I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Just brush it off. I don't think you're overreacting. It was rude. If, on the other hand you called the guy cursing him out, well then yeah, that's overreacting
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Back East
Posts: 704
Dolce,
I don't have any answers, but want you to know that I feel the same way at times. Invisible. Yesterday, I was at a bowling tournament, and... just hangin' out before things got started... was amazed when people said hello, how ya doin', etc. I expect to be invisible, I feel invisible, and I think I'm a cipher -- not even a blip in the screen. (And I'm a scratch bowler -- when I get it dialed in, I can kick the cr*p out of some people... yet I expect them to look right through me, as if I weren't there and were completely worthless. Weird. That's what this whole thing can do to ya.)
But yeah, I'd say just proceed as planned -- go hang with your German friends and just keep at it. Maybe the guy intended to slight you, maybe he didn't -- most likely the latter... and in any case, it's in the "things we cannot change" category....
T
I don't have any answers, but want you to know that I feel the same way at times. Invisible. Yesterday, I was at a bowling tournament, and... just hangin' out before things got started... was amazed when people said hello, how ya doin', etc. I expect to be invisible, I feel invisible, and I think I'm a cipher -- not even a blip in the screen. (And I'm a scratch bowler -- when I get it dialed in, I can kick the cr*p out of some people... yet I expect them to look right through me, as if I weren't there and were completely worthless. Weird. That's what this whole thing can do to ya.)
But yeah, I'd say just proceed as planned -- go hang with your German friends and just keep at it. Maybe the guy intended to slight you, maybe he didn't -- most likely the latter... and in any case, it's in the "things we cannot change" category....
T
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Thanks for all of the comments--they've all been really helpful. I've honestly gotten over this particular situation quite easily... it's just annoying how rejected I can feel over something that has nothing to do with ME and when it's with random people I don't even know well. It was a very stupid situation as I found out later and there was really no reason for me to act the way I did.
It's great to hear that other people are the same way. I really did feel so freakin' odd when I first wrote this post... thinking that no one would know what I was going on about. I'm just glad that for once I recognized that this could be something to do with my upbringing rather than going to the default, "there must be something wrong with me." Thanks so much everyone.
It's great to hear that other people are the same way. I really did feel so freakin' odd when I first wrote this post... thinking that no one would know what I was going on about. I'm just glad that for once I recognized that this could be something to do with my upbringing rather than going to the default, "there must be something wrong with me." Thanks so much everyone.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Michigan
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Originally Posted by dolce7dolore
It's great to hear that other people are the same way. I really did feel so freakin' odd when I first wrote this post... thinking that no one would know what I was going on about. I'm just glad that for once I recognized that this could be something to do with my upbringing rather than going to the default, "there must be something wrong with me." Thanks so much everyone.
My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years and it wasn't until year 6 or 7 that we figured out a welcome invite system for me (he'd just assume, I'd assume he didn't want me...). He'd assume, I'd assume, I'd be passive-aggressive, he thought I was a crazy b**h, more assumptions.
Little by little he is learning my hidden rules (don't feel, don't talk about it...) and helping me to overcome them when I myself am missing them.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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I read your post and it seems exactly like my whole year at school (over now, yay summer!!!)
My problem is that happened, I assumed, maybe overreacted, felt rejected; then decided to verify my assumptions:
time and time again, people actually didn't want to be around me, and they didn't even know the reason (so it's not something I didn't notice like "I'm rude")
then when people said they wanted to hang out ("we're so sorry for hurting your feelings", they continued acting as if I didn't exist; never looking me in the eye or asking direct questions.
I tried to numb myself, and it worked so well I have trouble being around my cousin and my sister
Now I'm changing schools, so I gotta re-learn how to act around people without the assumption that I am a loser that no one will notice or care about
sure, you could be overreacting, but here it isn't abnormal
My problem is that happened, I assumed, maybe overreacted, felt rejected; then decided to verify my assumptions:
time and time again, people actually didn't want to be around me, and they didn't even know the reason (so it's not something I didn't notice like "I'm rude")
then when people said they wanted to hang out ("we're so sorry for hurting your feelings", they continued acting as if I didn't exist; never looking me in the eye or asking direct questions.
I tried to numb myself, and it worked so well I have trouble being around my cousin and my sister
Now I'm changing schools, so I gotta re-learn how to act around people without the assumption that I am a loser that no one will notice or care about
sure, you could be overreacting, but here it isn't abnormal
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