BabeGirl

I'm not a child of an Alcoholic... well not that I know of but I fit your 13 characteristics and some other ppl in the depression/bipolar said I should come here and talk to ya'll. I do know Alcoholism runs on both sides of family soo. I'm just lost! I don't know where to go to me able to talk to ppl about my nut case mom who should be the one in therapy not me! Do I belong here? My family is drug addicts mainly. No one in Nar-Anon really ever answers me.

Paulie

Hi and welcome.

You belong anywhere you want to me. I am not a child of an alcohalic either, but it runs in my family and I am a addict in recovery. I belong here to.

This is a great place for support and friendship. So kick back, put your feet up and lets get to know each other.

JT

Being the child of an alcoholic is not the only way you can become...separate. You say you have addicts in your family? Same thing.

It is difficult being raised in a family where you do not feel safe and nurtured. Are you safe?

Hugs,
JT

Morning Glory

I don't think alcoholism played a large part in my family's dysfunction, but dysfunctional is dysfunctional no matter where it comes from.

ACOA is also for adult children of dysfunctional families.

BabeGirl

Thank you all! I'm not always sure I am safe... my boyfriend makes me feel safer then my family... though he is a recovery addict himself. My step-grandfather scares me to death. I hate being around him but I love my grandma. My mom scares me but I've learned to stand up for myself with her and the rest of the ppl in my house hold. As my therapist says " I'm getting my "NO" back" I'm not scared of my brother as of now cause he's in jail... only scared of him when he's using or drinking and gets violant... which is what put him in jail. My dad's side don't like me cause I'm their black sheep... too much like my mom and grandma. Oh well! Well ya know a lil know! Only thing else to say is I got PTSD from the loving care of my mom and brother... and am going to therapy to go get over the abuse and teach myself... I am not stupid!... I have a high school education! First in my family to graduate. Just keep repaeting! I'm not nuts! LoL Ok I am just a lil but the good kinda nuts!

Morning Glory

BabeGirl,

You are not nuts at all, lol. Breaking out of the dysfunctional family system can make us feel a little crazy at times.

You can be proud that you are here working on your recovery.

Congratulations on your high school graduation. That took motivation and self determination.

You've got what it takes to get through all of this.

Hugs,
MG

buttercup198357

babegirl,

i'm a new member here myself, and the one thing that everyone has told me is that you can't fix your family. you should be proud of yourself for your accomplishments. I don't know what area you're from but i found a group in my area called 'addiction help', which also helps ppl w/ dysfunctional families, maybe you should try to find something similiar for yourself check online or check the local newspaper....glad you joined us.

*smile*
butter

BabeGirl

Well I know there is Nar-Anon meets around here and some for Bipolar but I never really looked up other ones. I don't try and change them... I try and run away from them.

JT

Which isn't a bad thing...you can take back the power of choice and walk away. You do not have to participate in dysfunction. You may want to think oif some fun things to do when you walk away.

Go for coffee, the library, grab a book on your way out the door...something that makes you feel calm.

Hugs,
JT

BabeGirl

My poblem is when I try to walk away my mom will follow me. If I try to shut my door she'll stand in the way. She doesn't know how to walk away because everything is her way and I mean EVERYTHING. That's why I am trying so hard to move out without anyone knowing what I'm planning really. I mean my mom knows I want to move out but she thinks I'll never make it and I'll live with her forever. Which in away I think she likes the idea because she likes being able to control me. I wanna be able to hang up on my mom... I can now but then she'll just get off her butt and walk in my room. I pay for my own phoneline and she still wants to know who I'm talking too all the time. I'm 20 years old it's time to move out and stop their bossing. My grandma bosses around my brother's pregnant gf. She'll yell at her and tell her she's stupid if she marries my brother or she does this or that. I'm sick of that stuff. I :x keep everythign hush hush and just do it and then deal with them. LoL

JT

That puts you in a sticky situation...I assume it is her home.

At 20 I doubt you are sitting around home much...are you working? You certainly need to move out so begin by making a plan to accomplish that. Share expenses with a friend if possible...and again...you do not have to participate.

Many of us have learned to fly under the radar for short periods of time while we plan to get away.

Hugs,
JT

BabeGirl

Actually at 20 I am home a lot. I have social phobia from being sheltered by my mom, brother and grandma sooo much that I don't have the best communication skills. I don't like going anywhere by myself b/c if something happens and I'm alone and can't calm myself down during a panic attack everything becomes a mess. I only have a few female friends so and some guy friends so most my time is spent with my family or by myself. I don't drive so that takes out friend stuff. It sucks! That's why I am ready for my bf to come home so he can help me with gettin on the road... a permit is doing me no good. I've already made a promise to myself that I'm going to live on my own for a lil before I get a place with him b/c if he goes back to jail I don't wanna be totally lost. OK I don't wanna come back here! LoL my mom has been nice when it comes to teaching me some stuff. she just won't put anything in my name. SSI made her take her name off my savings account. LoL

countrygirl

You can do this, just take your time, make a plan, keep talking with your therapist, they can help. They can help you live with the situation now and help find a way to get your own independence.

For the future - depending on what you want to do with your life. My family was also difficult. I pretty much "divorced" my family. I never broke off with them but I moved far away and only visited once a year. I didn't stay too long then either and if they got mean, I left right away and stayed away longer. I had to do it. It was hard. I lived without a family mostly but my friends were my family. When I married, I married somebody with a big family and I was part of that one. It might not be your solution but it can be done, if you have to do it.

JT

My family pretty much divorced me... my parents split and my stepdad kicked me out. Friends became my family...like countrygirl said.

I rented a good friends basement for a bit and worked...a series of false starts before I finally had a place of my own. There is nothing like that feeling...this is mine and no one can take it.

Get your counceling and work on your immediate issues with a goal of emancipting yourself. It is so easy to jump into a relationship to get away, but those things have a hard time working out. That doesn't sound like your plan but, boy, when it is front of you it can sound like a way out.

Hugs,
JT