Living with an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 5
Living with an alcoholic.
Hi. I'm new here and it looks like a great area to be in.
I've just broken out of a relationship with an alcoholic with whom it seemed almost impossible to live when the booze was in play. It didn't take a lot - maybe 6 to 8 cans of beer, although I have found vodka stashed away - but I had to constantly walk on eggshells after it. Logic, memory & reasonableness went out of the window, although when sober, you couldn't meet a nicer or more loving person.
I also have two friends - a couple - who are both alcoholics and they make life Hell for each other.
Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on the subject of living with an alcoholic?
I've just broken out of a relationship with an alcoholic with whom it seemed almost impossible to live when the booze was in play. It didn't take a lot - maybe 6 to 8 cans of beer, although I have found vodka stashed away - but I had to constantly walk on eggshells after it. Logic, memory & reasonableness went out of the window, although when sober, you couldn't meet a nicer or more loving person.
I also have two friends - a couple - who are both alcoholics and they make life Hell for each other.
Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on the subject of living with an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Hey Filly, welcome to SR!
Take some time to read the stickies at the top of the forum, and browse through people's posts. Some may relate, some may not. Often reading other people's stories conveys strength that just can't be put into a neat one-liner of advice.
In the meantime, could you elaborate of what kind of advice you are looking for? Your question is pretty broad.
Take some time to read the stickies at the top of the forum, and browse through people's posts. Some may relate, some may not. Often reading other people's stories conveys strength that just can't be put into a neat one-liner of advice.
In the meantime, could you elaborate of what kind of advice you are looking for? Your question is pretty broad.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
As an adult child of alcoholics, I found myself in relationships with abusers of different substances. It caused so much physical, mental, and spiritual stress in my life that I became very sick and stayed in various stages of sickness and unhappiness for a couple of decades.
It takes courage to break free from that and I really congratulate you. Their "good side" is the fantasy that keeps us there for so long, amid all the chaos, lies, and everything else that comes with it. Also, for me, being with alcoholics was what I was used to, and felt "normal." It's sad, and the loss of his "potential" is sad, but the big picture was that the relationships were killing me and I couldn't see it. No romantic fantasy is worth that.
Together, all of us here are redefining "normal" for ourselves and trying to take it up a notch to true happiness. Welcome!!!
It takes courage to break free from that and I really congratulate you. Their "good side" is the fantasy that keeps us there for so long, amid all the chaos, lies, and everything else that comes with it. Also, for me, being with alcoholics was what I was used to, and felt "normal." It's sad, and the loss of his "potential" is sad, but the big picture was that the relationships were killing me and I couldn't see it. No romantic fantasy is worth that.
Together, all of us here are redefining "normal" for ourselves and trying to take it up a notch to true happiness. Welcome!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 5
Thanks guys.
Hey, Givelove, I get the point about the "loss of his potential". My partner was/is gifted to the point of being unique in some ways but booze just led to malfunction. A lovely person aswell, without the booze - special; with the booze, just ordinary at best, but often a real pain.
I just had a long think, and figured: 25% of the time this relationship is fantastic, but 75% of the time it's crap. In money terms I wouldn't spend 75 to get just 25 back, so why should I pay that kind of price emotionally? It's just too high a cost for the return.
Giving it that kind of balance was the clincher.
I'm crashing at an old mate's place at the moment. It's not ideal, but it's freedom and it's a start.
Hey, Givelove, I get the point about the "loss of his potential". My partner was/is gifted to the point of being unique in some ways but booze just led to malfunction. A lovely person aswell, without the booze - special; with the booze, just ordinary at best, but often a real pain.
I just had a long think, and figured: 25% of the time this relationship is fantastic, but 75% of the time it's crap. In money terms I wouldn't spend 75 to get just 25 back, so why should I pay that kind of price emotionally? It's just too high a cost for the return.
Giving it that kind of balance was the clincher.
I'm crashing at an old mate's place at the moment. It's not ideal, but it's freedom and it's a start.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
For me, living with an active alcoholic is out of the question. I would be as insane as them.
I have seen terrible things happen in my own home because of living with an A.
People get murdered, beat up, children suffer so much.
I had to leave to gain some peace and tranqulity. The first day I was out, I felt like I had stepped into another persons body. The one I had lived in so long was worn out, stressed to the max and downright fed up. The new me felt better, more energy and less stressed out.
I could never go back to something like that again. Of course, this is only MY opinion. Others live with their A's and make it work. I can't.
I have seen terrible things happen in my own home because of living with an A.
People get murdered, beat up, children suffer so much.
I had to leave to gain some peace and tranqulity. The first day I was out, I felt like I had stepped into another persons body. The one I had lived in so long was worn out, stressed to the max and downright fed up. The new me felt better, more energy and less stressed out.
I could never go back to something like that again. Of course, this is only MY opinion. Others live with their A's and make it work. I can't.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Filly1 
Hi. I'm new here and it looks like a great area to be in.
I've just broken out of a relationship with an alcoholic with whom it seemed almost impossible to live when the booze was in play. It didn't take a lot - maybe 6 to 8 cans of beer, although I have found vodka stashed away - but I had to constantly walk on eggshells after it. Logic, memory & reasonableness went out of the window, although when sober, you couldn't meet a nicer or more loving person.
I also have two friends - a couple - who are both alcoholics and they make life Hell for each other.
Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on the subject of living with an alcoholic?
I've just broken out of a relationship with an alcoholic with whom it seemed almost impossible to live when the booze was in play. It didn't take a lot - maybe 6 to 8 cans of beer, although I have found vodka stashed away - but I had to constantly walk on eggshells after it. Logic, memory & reasonableness went out of the window, although when sober, you couldn't meet a nicer or more loving person.
I also have two friends - a couple - who are both alcoholics and they make life Hell for each other.
Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on the subject of living with an alcoholic?
I have too much unfinished business with my own to take care of.
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