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Old 05-18-2015, 02:10 PM
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I went NC with my mom two weeks ago. Around mother's day the doubt over my choice crept in. I think the holiday just opened up a very raw wound for me, so while I felt like I personally did not need to have a relationship with her, it was pretty selfish of me to deny her one when she is dying. But I stayed steady with NC despite the doubts and guilt. I found out my mom was admitted to the hospital last week, which really almost broke my conviction for NC. I was very emotional all weekend, bouncing between wanting to call her for HER and wanting to stay NC for me. Then spoke to my sister today and she informed me my AM admitted to drinking again right after she got out of the hospital. That moment drove it home so clearly for me - I made the right choice! Something akin to relief washed over me. Yes it's upsetting she is drinking again; she is literally dying so even that one drink is death for her - but also I always knew that despite her dying, that doesn't mean I have to condone what she does. She doesn't get a free pass to keep screwing up and have me going along for the ride.

I'm still working out this NC thing and if I want to be kept in the loop on my mom's situation. Realistically it will get harder to be told about her deterioration, so I think I need to stop the flow of information there. But I'm just feeling a small victory towards working on my mental and emotional well-being. I'm choosing to move forward despite what she does and it's a big leap from where I was last month.
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Old 05-18-2015, 03:46 PM
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Thanks for sharing. I'm NC with two siblings and their wives. I don't have much contact with my father, who is actively drinking daily. I used to occasionally visit their home and would ask my mother, "will there be any one else there?" and when she said, "no," my wife and I would visit. We would play some board games, have some food, spend time with her and go home. I might visit my Dad sitting in his living room watching tv, with his plastic cup of liquor in hand. He says next to nothing and yet will get upset when I leave. Weird... I haven't visited in a year or so when my Mother got really upset with my usual question before visiting her house. She challenged my NC with my siblings saying "why does it matter" - "because there are certain individuals I do not wish to see" - "who cares?" "I care" ...etc, etc.. Because of that, my wife and I don't feel comfortable visiting my mother and father's home. My mother's wish to fix things or put things under the rug...well...pushed me away. Because I don't participate in the under the rug stuff.

(P.S. - Since I'm not visiting my parent's home, I don't see my father. My mother will come to lunch with me, but my father rarely leaves the home. Such is the disease in shackling the person suffering. My father didn't even show up for the counseling session with my siblings and mom.)

Now, I don't hear from my father. My mother complained to me and I said that he has hands to pick up a phone, write an email, and a mouth to talk when I visit. I've sent him an e-mail and he didn't respond. Relationships are a two-way street. If it's just me reaching out all the time...without response...isn't that just me having a relationship on my own?? Why would I continue to try and involve the other person?
It's really weird.

The best to you and I'm so sorry you are seeing (or even hearing) a loved one suffering from the disease. It's heartbreaking.
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Old 05-18-2015, 03:52 PM
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It's all so very sad and confusing. You are doing the best you can with a really awful situation.

Hugs and prayers for you.
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