Please Any Help Would Be Appreciated
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Northern,NJ
Posts: 2
Please Any Help Would Be Appreciated
OK so I'm new here and i really dont know how this works, but i'm just gonna tell my story.
My father and I used to be very very close. We used to do everything together. We used to go camping all the time, he used to love the outdoors. Well so my dad drinks a lot. He goes to work comes home and drinks. The worst part is that he tries to hide it from me as if I'm a 4 year old. A few months ago he started drinking A LOT and my parents almost got a divorce over it. And then my mom told me that that was my dad's 3rd time falling to alcoholism. Its just so hard to deal with all this because I just want my father back.
please help me
My father and I used to be very very close. We used to do everything together. We used to go camping all the time, he used to love the outdoors. Well so my dad drinks a lot. He goes to work comes home and drinks. The worst part is that he tries to hide it from me as if I'm a 4 year old. A few months ago he started drinking A LOT and my parents almost got a divorce over it. And then my mom told me that that was my dad's 3rd time falling to alcoholism. Its just so hard to deal with all this because I just want my father back.
please help me
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I don't usually post in this section Bob but I saw an unanswered post and thought I would read it. I am an alkie myself but I can see what you are going through.
Why don't you talk to your dad and tell him what you are thinking and how you feel. I am sure that he loves you and wants to be there for you but the alcohol has control over him.
You may be the link that he needs to beat his addiction.
It sounds like he has tried and slipped a few times and this is not unusual.
Suggest he comes here and reads and joins this forum. We help each other get better so we can be the fathers and mothers we want to be.
Good luck and be strong and help him. He sounds like he wants to be the father you want him to be.
Why don't you talk to your dad and tell him what you are thinking and how you feel. I am sure that he loves you and wants to be there for you but the alcohol has control over him.
You may be the link that he needs to beat his addiction.
It sounds like he has tried and slipped a few times and this is not unusual.
Suggest he comes here and reads and joins this forum. We help each other get better so we can be the fathers and mothers we want to be.
Good luck and be strong and help him. He sounds like he wants to be the father you want him to be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello bobbarker, and pleased to "meet" you 
Welcome to SoberRecovery. I'm sorry to hear that your father's drinking is causing you and your family so much trouble. My father used to drink too, so I know a little of what you are talking about.
My first suggestion is that you learn all you can about alcoholism. You can start right here by reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and over in this other forum
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's a lot of material there, too much to read in just one day. So while you're going thru it, check out this other website
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
and see if you can find a meeting that is convenient to you. They have tons of great books and literature, and real live people that can answer your questions from their own experience. After you have found a meeting, or two, that you are comfortable with you might want to see if your mother would go to one with you. It sounds like she could use a little help too.
welcome again, I'm glad you found us.
Mike
Welcome to SoberRecovery. I'm sorry to hear that your father's drinking is causing you and your family so much trouble. My father used to drink too, so I know a little of what you are talking about.
My first suggestion is that you learn all you can about alcoholism. You can start right here by reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and over in this other forum
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's a lot of material there, too much to read in just one day. So while you're going thru it, check out this other website
How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico
and see if you can find a meeting that is convenient to you. They have tons of great books and literature, and real live people that can answer your questions from their own experience. After you have found a meeting, or two, that you are comfortable with you might want to see if your mother would go to one with you. It sounds like she could use a little help too.
welcome again, I'm glad you found us.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Hey bobbarker, just wanted to say that you are not alone. Have you tried talking to your dad? Let him know you're aware of his drinking. Let him know that you don't feel like he's your dad anymore - that he becomes someone else when alcohol is involved. Your dad needs a good wake-up call to realize that his drinking is affecting his family. Otherwise he will keep believing that it's not *really* a problem.
This is very hard, because it's not your job to confront your dad. Just thinking about it probably feels very wrong and awkward. You may even feel guilty for hurting your dad by telling him he's acting wrong. Just remember this: you deserve a real dad, and drinking is robbing you of that.
Take some time and read the other posts on this forum. You're not alone in what you're going through. Do post back, elaborate (would help to know if you're a son or daughter, and whether you're in middle or high school), and feel free to keep talking with us. Many of us here know just how hard it is to realize your parent has a problem with alcohol, let alone talk to them about it.
This is very hard, because it's not your job to confront your dad. Just thinking about it probably feels very wrong and awkward. You may even feel guilty for hurting your dad by telling him he's acting wrong. Just remember this: you deserve a real dad, and drinking is robbing you of that.
Take some time and read the other posts on this forum. You're not alone in what you're going through. Do post back, elaborate (would help to know if you're a son or daughter, and whether you're in middle or high school), and feel free to keep talking with us. Many of us here know just how hard it is to realize your parent has a problem with alcohol, let alone talk to them about it.
AKA 'grewupinabarn'
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 471
Hi bobbarker
Welcome to the forum. Dothi and Desert Eyes have the right suggestions. It is awkward to confront your dad about his drinking. He is trying to hide it, and somehow alcoholics always believe that they are successfully hiding the drink, so you are revealing a 'family secret', even though at this point it it a very large elephant in a not-very-large room. It is not your role to help keep that secret or hide that elephant - tell him you know, that it hurts you to see him destroy himself.
However, this won't make him stop drinking. You are laying it out that you won't help him keep drinking by ignoring the obvious and that you care for him. As you read about alcoholism, you will note that there are NO suggestions for ways to make them stop drinking. No intervention in the world will make stop an addiction to alcohol if they don't decide on their own to stop. It may seem strange, but the best message to send is "Your addiction and what it does to the dad I love is so awful that I have to set up barriers to keep it from making me insane."
Keep posting and tell us how it is going.
Welcome to the forum. Dothi and Desert Eyes have the right suggestions. It is awkward to confront your dad about his drinking. He is trying to hide it, and somehow alcoholics always believe that they are successfully hiding the drink, so you are revealing a 'family secret', even though at this point it it a very large elephant in a not-very-large room. It is not your role to help keep that secret or hide that elephant - tell him you know, that it hurts you to see him destroy himself.
However, this won't make him stop drinking. You are laying it out that you won't help him keep drinking by ignoring the obvious and that you care for him. As you read about alcoholism, you will note that there are NO suggestions for ways to make them stop drinking. No intervention in the world will make stop an addiction to alcohol if they don't decide on their own to stop. It may seem strange, but the best message to send is "Your addiction and what it does to the dad I love is so awful that I have to set up barriers to keep it from making me insane."
Keep posting and tell us how it is going.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Hey bobb. Funny. My youngest brother is about your age, and also contends with an AF. He's the silent type of son, and when AF's drinking and behavior spins out of control he just closes up and stops talking. He's the family clown; the guy who's never serious and always cracking jokes. I always thought he grew up okay until I started reading up on ACoAs. It doesn't affect everyone the same. Depending on your gender, the alcoholic parent's gender, and possibly your birthing order, there can be dramatic differences in how people are affected. That's why it's so hard to recognize in ACOAs, because we're all responding in what looks to be differently. But the underlying cause is all the same - we are all acting (and reacting) in ways to deal with the stress alcohol creates in our lives.
Understanding what role you play may help you in figuring out how best to cope with your father's drinking (especially the kind of stress is it putting on you now). I have just started a new thread about the roles we play in alcoholic families. Feel free to check it out!
Understanding what role you play may help you in figuring out how best to cope with your father's drinking (especially the kind of stress is it putting on you now). I have just started a new thread about the roles we play in alcoholic families. Feel free to check it out!
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