Is there hope?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 7
Is there hope?
Is there hope for a happy ending?
That's the question my mom keeps asking me. I've been sharing the amazing advice and support I've received here and it's been a huge help to her. After leaving my alcoholic father she's been going through the stages of guilt, anger, hurt feelings, etc.
She keeps asking me if there's any hope for this ending right. If he'll ever get better. If she'll be able to survive this and be happy.
I know she'll survive this, because she has the support of her kids and parents. But I'm not sure about my dad. He has no one else except for his wife and kids and I think we've all had to pull back from him at this point in order to save our own sanity. He has his own practice with my mom as the only employee (acting as an assistant, receptionist, manager, and everything else). My mom told him that she won't go back to work but would be willing to train any replacements. But he can't work as long as he's drinking and even then I'm not sure if he has the drive. It's a vicious circle - he has to work for money so he becomes sober but then, once he has money, he spends it on alcohol and get's drunk. I worry that he won't be able to pull himself out of this.
So my questions to all the great voices on this board is: is there hope that things will turn around? Has anyone gone through the worst and then seen things turn around for the better?
That's the question my mom keeps asking me. I've been sharing the amazing advice and support I've received here and it's been a huge help to her. After leaving my alcoholic father she's been going through the stages of guilt, anger, hurt feelings, etc.
She keeps asking me if there's any hope for this ending right. If he'll ever get better. If she'll be able to survive this and be happy.
I know she'll survive this, because she has the support of her kids and parents. But I'm not sure about my dad. He has no one else except for his wife and kids and I think we've all had to pull back from him at this point in order to save our own sanity. He has his own practice with my mom as the only employee (acting as an assistant, receptionist, manager, and everything else). My mom told him that she won't go back to work but would be willing to train any replacements. But he can't work as long as he's drinking and even then I'm not sure if he has the drive. It's a vicious circle - he has to work for money so he becomes sober but then, once he has money, he spends it on alcohol and get's drunk. I worry that he won't be able to pull himself out of this.
So my questions to all the great voices on this board is: is there hope that things will turn around? Has anyone gone through the worst and then seen things turn around for the better?
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Yes, there is hope for your father's recovery. How far are you and your family willing to go?
There are non punitive voluntary recovery programs for licensed health care professionals. Medical/Dental societies in many states manage and administer these programs (NOT, repeat, NOT the state board of dentistry - they have voluntary recovery programs also, but stakes get high...).
If he were referred to them, it would be confidential. It would in all likelihood involve a rehab stay, outpatient aftercare and monitoring. Ramifications of this would be a permanent medical record of alcohol dependency and the need to perhaps, report this to insurance companies, 3rd party payors, etc... Costs of the rehab and monitoring would be his (health insurance, if he has it, may cover some or all of the rehab...). But if he is not working steady, if he gets into recovery, and he works more and more efficiently, it will pay for itself.
The Good News... The success rate of these programs is VERY high. Probably because the stakes are so high. I think the success rate is two to three times average, maybe more.
These programs, I believe, accept referrals from families. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE research this thoroughly if you are even remotely considering such a bold move. If you feel he is practicing impaired, you may doing the public a good service. And, as I said, they work.
It is voluntary so your dad might refuse and I don't know what could happen if it came to that....
PM me if you want...
There are non punitive voluntary recovery programs for licensed health care professionals. Medical/Dental societies in many states manage and administer these programs (NOT, repeat, NOT the state board of dentistry - they have voluntary recovery programs also, but stakes get high...).
If he were referred to them, it would be confidential. It would in all likelihood involve a rehab stay, outpatient aftercare and monitoring. Ramifications of this would be a permanent medical record of alcohol dependency and the need to perhaps, report this to insurance companies, 3rd party payors, etc... Costs of the rehab and monitoring would be his (health insurance, if he has it, may cover some or all of the rehab...). But if he is not working steady, if he gets into recovery, and he works more and more efficiently, it will pay for itself.
The Good News... The success rate of these programs is VERY high. Probably because the stakes are so high. I think the success rate is two to three times average, maybe more.
These programs, I believe, accept referrals from families. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE research this thoroughly if you are even remotely considering such a bold move. If you feel he is practicing impaired, you may doing the public a good service. And, as I said, they work.
It is voluntary so your dad might refuse and I don't know what could happen if it came to that....
PM me if you want...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: California
Posts: 7
Dear Cubile,
Thank you for your post. I didn't know about the programs for medical professionals and am going to look into it as you suggested.
I think the biggest step that needs to be taken is on my dad's part - he needs to want to get better and right now, he isn't at that point but rather pointing blame at everyone else. I don't think he's even ready to admit he's an alcoholic. He won't even admit to the drinking. It isn't until we sit down and confront him that he'll "admit" to it and then say the same thing he says all the time. So until he understands that the first step to recovery is admitting, we won't be able to push forward.
So, when he's ready to look for help, I will definitely suggest your recommendation.
Thank you again and Happy New Year!
Thank you for your post. I didn't know about the programs for medical professionals and am going to look into it as you suggested.
I think the biggest step that needs to be taken is on my dad's part - he needs to want to get better and right now, he isn't at that point but rather pointing blame at everyone else. I don't think he's even ready to admit he's an alcoholic. He won't even admit to the drinking. It isn't until we sit down and confront him that he'll "admit" to it and then say the same thing he says all the time. So until he understands that the first step to recovery is admitting, we won't be able to push forward.
So, when he's ready to look for help, I will definitely suggest your recommendation.
Thank you again and Happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there nise, and welcome to our little corner of recovery.
Yes, there is hope. People recover from addiction all the time. People from all walks of life, from all professions, and at any "stage" of their disease. As far as medical professionals, one of my docs is active in recovery, has 20yrs clean and sober and is doing great.
The best way for your Mom to see for herself what hope there is would be to attend a few meetings of al-anon. There are thousands of meetings all over California every day, and they are completely anonymous. Once she has found one or two meetings that she is comfortable at she can gather up a few "alanoids" and attend a "speaker" meeting of AA. At those meetings she will hear the stories of people who have recovered, and see first hand that there is hope.
Welcome again
Mike
Originally Posted by nise 
...So my questions to all the great voices on this board is: is there hope that things will turn around? Has anyone gone through the worst and then seen things turn around for the better?
The best way for your Mom to see for herself what hope there is would be to attend a few meetings of al-anon. There are thousands of meetings all over California every day, and they are completely anonymous. Once she has found one or two meetings that she is comfortable at she can gather up a few "alanoids" and attend a "speaker" meeting of AA. At those meetings she will hear the stories of people who have recovered, and see first hand that there is hope.
Welcome again
Mike
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