Need guidance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1
Need guidance
Hello everyone. I am new to this site. Not sure why I never thought of looking for a site like this sooner. In any case, my father is a heroin and alcohol addict. He lives with me in my home(pays rent) however as much as I need contribution towards my monthly mortgage I peace more. I am a single woman who at one time could afford this house but due to layoff I no longer can without father's assistance.
In any case, he recently checked himself in for rehab and has since returned. He has been exhibiting behaviors which make me feel that he is doing something. Such as: falling asleep while eating-food ending up on his face. Well today, actually a mere one hour ago, I found him sitting on a chair in front of the refrigerator with door open. I look at him and in his pocket is a needle/syringe. He tells me "I was going to throw it out" but my heart and sense tells me he's friggin lying yet again. I want him gone!!!! I am tired of living this way. I feel so explosive right now and dont want to get my brothers involved but feel that I need too. They are younger than I. I am at the point that I dont care if I lose this house, I will not have him living with me like this anymore. I need my space and if I end up homeless, honestly, I dont care.
I dont even want him in this house one more day, but feel bad because he is a sick man (physically) and where will he go? Do I wait for him to get his monthly retirement stipen (he is a retiree) then ask him to leave once he has money to go find another place, or do I just ask him to leave now. Tomorrow is my birthday and I do not want to see his face at all. I already told him to go to his room and leave me alone.
Any suggestions are appreciated and at the very least, thank you for listening to me!
In any case, he recently checked himself in for rehab and has since returned. He has been exhibiting behaviors which make me feel that he is doing something. Such as: falling asleep while eating-food ending up on his face. Well today, actually a mere one hour ago, I found him sitting on a chair in front of the refrigerator with door open. I look at him and in his pocket is a needle/syringe. He tells me "I was going to throw it out" but my heart and sense tells me he's friggin lying yet again. I want him gone!!!! I am tired of living this way. I feel so explosive right now and dont want to get my brothers involved but feel that I need too. They are younger than I. I am at the point that I dont care if I lose this house, I will not have him living with me like this anymore. I need my space and if I end up homeless, honestly, I dont care.
I dont even want him in this house one more day, but feel bad because he is a sick man (physically) and where will he go? Do I wait for him to get his monthly retirement stipen (he is a retiree) then ask him to leave once he has money to go find another place, or do I just ask him to leave now. Tomorrow is my birthday and I do not want to see his face at all. I already told him to go to his room and leave me alone.
Any suggestions are appreciated and at the very least, thank you for listening to me!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Joyce,
No one can truly know what kind of advice to give, but I would stick my neck out and offer this. You do not need your FATHER's rent to make it -- you need SOMEONE's rent. Tons of people are taking in roommates and boarders to make ends meet. They're also moving out of two-bedroom places and into one-bedroom places, or moving into a share rental with another woman.
My point is that you may need extra income, but it doesn't have to come from him. You should follow your heart and if you're able, I'd personally give him 30 days notice (like a job or a rental) and tell him he has to find somewhere else. If you can stand it. But that's just me. There are social services for people like him, and perhaps you can help him find them **IF** it'll speed up his departure.
Living with an active, delusional addict/alcoholic in denial will mess with your head worse than anything. You know he's using again, and that's just not a good situation for you. I understand perfectly and would feel the same way.
Strength,
GL
P.S. Birthday hug to you.......try to do something special for yourself. There is a way through this, and you will find it.
No one can truly know what kind of advice to give, but I would stick my neck out and offer this. You do not need your FATHER's rent to make it -- you need SOMEONE's rent. Tons of people are taking in roommates and boarders to make ends meet. They're also moving out of two-bedroom places and into one-bedroom places, or moving into a share rental with another woman.
My point is that you may need extra income, but it doesn't have to come from him. You should follow your heart and if you're able, I'd personally give him 30 days notice (like a job or a rental) and tell him he has to find somewhere else. If you can stand it. But that's just me. There are social services for people like him, and perhaps you can help him find them **IF** it'll speed up his departure.
Living with an active, delusional addict/alcoholic in denial will mess with your head worse than anything. You know he's using again, and that's just not a good situation for you. I understand perfectly and would feel the same way.
Strength,
GL
P.S. Birthday hug to you.......try to do something special for yourself. There is a way through this, and you will find it.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You are not your father's keeper and you don't need to enable him with a place to live.
You can tell him that this will not go on under your roof.
The chaos will make you sick.
I like the idea stated above about getting a room mate
Craigs List is a great online source to advertise for a room mate.
You can tell him that this will not go on under your roof.
The chaos will make you sick.
I like the idea stated above about getting a room mate
Craigs List is a great online source to advertise for a room mate.
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