My mother died
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 109
I see that this post is quite old, but I'll reply anyway. The OPs post is so moving and well written, thank you for sharing your grief here.
Four years ago, my alcoholic brother died alone in his apartment, which was a filthy, disgusting hoard. He had long ago distanced himself from the rest of the family (alcoholic parents). None of us had seen him in years, and no one had been in his apartment for at least two years; we had no knowledge of his living conditions.
My brother was morbidly obese, not attractive, alcoholic, would take any drug given to him, and although formerly fairly successful, had been unemployed (terminated partly because of alcoholism and slovenliness) for over two years. His friends all told me the same thing: He knew he was dying and he didn't care. The stories they told me about his alcohol abuse and lack of self care were jaw dropping and disgusting. He was also an incredibly cynical, pessimistic man, to the point of being unpleasant to be around and frequently offensive to others with his attitude. He described himself to me in an email once as an "old, fat, bald mouth breather."
When he passed, a friend suggested looking at the world through his eyes. When I did so, I realized he had lost hope entirely for any kind of a good life. Life looked hopeless with no prospects of love or (his definition of) success in his future. He was unable to believe in himself enough to change, and who was going to love him that way? Who was going to hire him that way? No one.
To respond to GingerM's suggestion, I also suggest EMDR therapy. It does force you to pinpoint focus on your emotions, but it is incredibly relieving at the end and can make a huge difference in your feelings and attitude.
I learned a lot from my brother's death. One of the more valuable lessons was about ensuring that you keep your life ENRICHED. Don't ever let yourself lose hope and faith that the world is a good place.
Four years ago, my alcoholic brother died alone in his apartment, which was a filthy, disgusting hoard. He had long ago distanced himself from the rest of the family (alcoholic parents). None of us had seen him in years, and no one had been in his apartment for at least two years; we had no knowledge of his living conditions.
My brother was morbidly obese, not attractive, alcoholic, would take any drug given to him, and although formerly fairly successful, had been unemployed (terminated partly because of alcoholism and slovenliness) for over two years. His friends all told me the same thing: He knew he was dying and he didn't care. The stories they told me about his alcohol abuse and lack of self care were jaw dropping and disgusting. He was also an incredibly cynical, pessimistic man, to the point of being unpleasant to be around and frequently offensive to others with his attitude. He described himself to me in an email once as an "old, fat, bald mouth breather."
When he passed, a friend suggested looking at the world through his eyes. When I did so, I realized he had lost hope entirely for any kind of a good life. Life looked hopeless with no prospects of love or (his definition of) success in his future. He was unable to believe in himself enough to change, and who was going to love him that way? Who was going to hire him that way? No one.
To respond to GingerM's suggestion, I also suggest EMDR therapy. It does force you to pinpoint focus on your emotions, but it is incredibly relieving at the end and can make a huge difference in your feelings and attitude.
I learned a lot from my brother's death. One of the more valuable lessons was about ensuring that you keep your life ENRICHED. Don't ever let yourself lose hope and faith that the world is a good place.
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