dad's angel

hi guys, i havent been here in a little while. I have to share w/you all, i read a book, not really re: co-dependency; But is was a wonderful book. Tuesdays w/Morrie There is a part of the book that states sometimes you may not see the trust, but close your eyes and let go....you'll feel it. And i do, w/god.

alot has happened, i feel so much better. I have been able to let go my father, cry out my heart, and re-adjust my thinking w/o soo much fog. Unfortunately, my relationship, now has become a "doubt" in and of itself. I have been dating someone that does remind me of my father, lately we have had conversations re: our future, marriage? ring? He gives me no answers, except that he doesnt need a piece of paper and that a promise before god, is a crock of s,,,,,; Well since God, has helped me, and given me the strenght to get through soo much.. Last week, i was quiet because i felt jealousy coming over me, he wouldnt stop nagging me, then finally said, i wasnt worth it.

strange, it hurt, but the ride home, i became more and more numb, jeezz... "daddy?" He grabbed my hand and apologize, but nothing will take that away from my heart or mind. He hurt me cuz he knows i love him, and never wanted to see him go. Though were still together, i have some codepen. books to get at at home... i sadly think that an ending is coming soon. Then again, maybe a new beginning...

Tonight i will be attending a wedding rehersal, not of my own, hehe... only a bridesmaid never a bride. The people there all know and respected my father, are all informed of what has happened to my family. I'm scared to see the way they look at me, how they react. I want to be strong, and shrug it off. I pray that god gives me the strenght to get through tongight and sat. at the reception. Please pray for me. I only am asking for strengtth.

JT

Angel,

You are not the reason for your families issues...that belongs to them. You are not the cause of your boyfriends insensivity either. What he said was mean an manipulative and it sounds like you see that. Don't let your doubts leave your mind. If nothing else store them away for a time in the future when you can go "AHA I was right!"

If I have learned one thing in my ...uhum....29 years I have learned to trust my intuition. Many many times I have blown off my own feeling only to discover when it was too late that I was right along. I believe now that my HP communicates to me through intuition and I listen.

About that rehearsal? Put on you best outfit, stand tall and be proud. You are a thoughtful intuitive young lady who is growing stronger every day.

Besides...someone told me once that pople don't think about us as much as we think they do. They are too wrapped up in themselves. I believe them.

Hugs,
JT

corvettte_angel

From one Ångel to another...

Take a deep breath and just pause for awhile and try to gather together your thoughts. Take the time to think about what you really want, but tonight at the rehearsal think about the bride. Try to focus on making everything special for her and then pick up your problems after you have had a little time to "de-stress." If look at things in a different light, it all might be a little clearer. Go ahead and trust God too, he won't ever let you down and he is with you through it all. Just wear a smile tonight and if anyone starts asking questions, politely change the subject to the wedding or something along those lines. Something like, "Everything is fine, what do you think of the colors the bride has chosen?" Don't worry, things never go as badly as you think they will, well not usually I'll pray that you have the strength to handle all of this.
Love you bunches.

--Ångel

dad's angel

thanks guys, i will try, thats good way to distract the conversation... "everything is fine, look at .... what do you think of ..." (great!, know i better remember this) i have a really pretty dress to wear, i will wear a smile too, thank you.
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as far as my b.f. yes that was a mean and manipulative thing, wasn't it.

There is another book: Emotional Blackmail, i dont have the book here but if interested i'll copy down the author.

Thanks guys, i really appreciate it. I will check in tommorow. Love you all.

lyn_blossom78

A couple of years ago, my marriage counsellor recommended I read the book "The verbally abusive spouse". I was shocked at what was considered to be verbally abusive. I didn't know that 22 years ago, before I was even married--that my husband to be was verbally abusive. Verbally abusive sounded ssssoooooo bad, when put in those terms. I wish now, I had heard of that book back in my teens. Being raised by an alcoholic, verbally abusive father--I didn't recognize that it was wrong to be treated that way.

A couple of things I've always told my children. 1 - you are not married until you are married :p so, whatever commitments you may have with him, or whatever memories, etc., does not mean you HAVE to marry him, if you realize things are not "right" 2 - make a list of what you really want in a husband, and if the guy doesn't measure up in all those areas--don't date him. and 3 - You can fall in love with anyone, so make sure you only date a man you would want to marry (one that's meets the requirements on your list).

I really wish I'd had a mother to tell me these things.

Hugs,
Lyn

dad's angel

you guys, last night was a blast! At first i was really apprehensive, but once my cousins got me dancing around, i havent smiled or laughed so much in soooo long.

a few people asked "how i was doing" and when i said just fine. I had a few friends i have grown up w/and from church say, "no really, how are you." and i looked them dead in the eyes, and said "i'm fine really" and smiled "thank you for asking".

They seemed to be satisfied w/the answer and no talk re: my father came up again. Quite a few people commented on how pretty i looked. (me pretty, yah right, my b.f. never says that)

I also was in everyone's love connection to be hooked up w/his really really hot guy. but i dont know anything about him. But he was everywhere i went, i'll see him at the wedding. {problem} I seen him drinking a drink. (why does that turn me off to the point i almost decided i didnt want to talk to him) My cousins (males) are friends w/him, and all work out together. and are totally trying to hook me w/him. So maybe. I dont know.

i felt loved last night, i felt pretty, i was happy. I didnt think of my b.f. til i left, and when i got home, he had left me a message he was at a friends house "friend" that only drinks/smokes, so i'm sure he was pretty toxed last night.

Why does it bother me. Why couldnt he just stay home! Like i would have, oh thats cuz i have no friends! And i feel guilty all the time if i'm visiting anyone, i have no one to visit but him. And if i'm not w/him i have responsiblities to take care of. He has called 3x today from work, (surprised he made it ) saying he misses me and cant wait t see me tonight. I dont know if i will. But i'm going to ride this one out. I am starting to wonder if this other guy might make me feel somethign inside, and less insecurities.

i also met this one guy, a while back, only spoke a few times: this is why i dont like to chance my present relationship, this other guy seems so great, then in our second conversation tells me he likes girls that "wear pink undies" whats up w/that. turn off! Is there somehting wrong w/me?

JT

Angel,

It sounds like you have lot's of friends! And maybe the hot guy only drinks at social events....it IS possible.

I am glad you had fun! The people who ask about you care...it can be a nice feeling. They know you might be having a tough time. But it is you who can choose who to confide in.

Hugs,
JT