Veritas27

Hi....

As I'm sure most of you will immediately realize, I'm new here. I don't typically join web forums, communities, or anything of the like...however, I've also never been 'diagnosed' at any point in my life, either.

My newest therapist shared the phrase "Adult Child of an Alcoholic" with me in my first visit, this past week. It sounded pretty fitting to me, when she laid it out on the table.

Since then, I've taken time to read up on the 'condition' as I haven't found any other word for it...(Please don't take it offensively)...And was further amazed by how accurately this new phrase fit me.

Anyhow, this is mostly a "Hello"...Though I'm not sure if I'm supposed to do that here...

I've read a few of the posts in this forum prior to this, and I found the advice and the wisdom to be gripping, so I've decided to see what I could offer, and learn in this community.

So...Hi.

peaceteach

Hi V,

This is such a great place. I have learned so much and found excellent support. I am a child of an alcoholic, was married to one for 28 years, and have a son who has addictions as well. But enough about me

I just wanted to mention that the "stickies" at the top of this page hold great readings also. And if you are experiencing relationship problems with an alcoholic, the "Friends and Families of Alcoholics" forum is really active as well.

It's great that you are being proactive in finding out all you can about this condition. I find that knowing I am not alone is such a relief.

GingerM

Welcome to the forum, and to this next stage in your life. Figuring out how our parents alcoholism affected us, and deciding what, if anything, we want to change about ourselves once we've come to accept ourselves, can be a very convoluted labrynthian challenge. Feel free to share as much or as little as you'd like.

Many here are fairly new to the process, some of us have been working on our issues for decades. All of us will be able to understand in a way that non-ACoA people can't.

~Gin

DesertEyes

Hey there Veritas, and welcome to this wonderful corner of the web

I've never called it a "condition", this ACoA thing. To me it is an _injury_. It was done _to_ me against my will. I can, however, heal from it. Ok, so if the weather is cold and damp I get an ache way down deep inside, but that's true of any deep and serious injury. Feel free to toss any questions you may have, and issues you'd like clarified, or just chat a little about you. We're a pretty laid back and free-flowing bunch

Welcome again

Mike

GiveLove

Hey Veritas, welcome,
I always felt the same way about support groups, and 'conditions', and things like that. It felt uncomfortable to me. But the same thing happened to me: I was seeing a counselor who introduced me to the common behaviors of people raised by alcoholics, and it was an eye-opener.

It was a little like taking the cover off a big electrical panel: Suddenly, I could see where all the little automatic (bad) reactions to certain things had come from, could see my own faulty and damaged wiring. And better yet, I could see enough to start rewiring myself, better this time.

So it's been really helpful to me, though I too was reluctant. It's almost like we ACOAs share notes on how to un-do the damage, plug ourselves back in right

I hope you enjoy being here. I know I do.

GL

lizw

I only joined this site yesterday and have been reading through the posts.

I'm a member of AA and Al Anon. My parents aren't alcoholics (probably would've been more peaceful if they were!) But both my parents parents are/were. Myself and my two sisters have been or are in abusive realtionships but I was the only one to become alcoholic.

I've also gone through phases of being a tad fanatical about 'spiritual' matters. I.e. A few years ago I had this obession with reading certain meditation books about recovery EVERY morning. It wasn't 1 or 2. I had like 10 of them piled up and if I didn't read them I knew something bad was going to happen to me. This was pre alanon days.

I out of any relationship for 7 or 8 months and I can see why I got into sick ones. It's like I've used the drama of them to avoid all my painful childhood memories surfacing. I've also sought professional help outside of 'the rooms' because I felt I needed too. At times it feels or has felt unbearable but my sponsor tells me it will pass and then it does. I assume at some point the whole process will stop, or ease but at the same time I'd still choose this kinda pain to being in another abusive relationship, so it's okay.

I think the other thing I've started to see quite clearly in my life is that if someone isn't abusing me in one way or another, I'm abusing myself and dishing it out to others.

I look forward to reading everyones posts.