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Mixed emotions

Old 03-23-2008, 07:00 PM
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Mixed emotions

So I went to visit my Mom today in the hospital. She has taken a turn for the worse, was having trouble breathing and they put her on a ventilator, she was fighting it so they drugged her, she wasn't conscious when I visited her today. I've pretty much ignored her over the years, not sure I ever forgave her for the way she raised us, turned responsibility for her care over to my sisters, compared to them she treated my brother and I likes princes, as I found out over the years. Felt like weeping today. I know part of the reason I've been avoiding her is the anger, part the fact that she's been fairly heavily medicated over the years and just isn't much company. I guess it was unexpected.
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Old 03-23-2008, 07:48 PM
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sailorjohn, I understand that feeling. My mother was a horrible mean hateful alcoholic. She quit drinking 30 years ago. But, she never apologized even tho she has been an "old timer" in AA for all this time. She still has very strange behavior, trys to make me responsible for her, and dumps daily doses of guilt trips on me.

I love her. I always will. I know she made many mistakes and continues to do so. But, it will never change the fact that she is my mother. She won't be with me forever. She's 75.

I have learned how to deal with her 99% of the time. The rest of the time, I come here and let it all out.
It isn't easy for me either. I have been very messed up all my life because of what I learned from her. It took alanon, SR and some good people to show me life didn't have to be like this any more, and a willingness on my part not to play the victim any longer.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Hold our hands here at SR. This is such a great place to get it out on the table and deal with what ever it is that needs work.

I pray for your peace today. That you will find calm in your spirit and love in your heart.
WW
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Old 03-24-2008, 06:54 AM
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I have no words to make your burden any lighter to carry, I just want you to know that I'm listening and I'm wishing you peace.
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