Taking your abusive parent to Court.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
thanks, it was with mike lew. he wrote a book called "victims no longer" for male survivors of incest and sexual abuse which has been soo helpful....ive learnt a great deal about the legal system in australia anyway.....what ive learnt as far as i can tell is that where i live:
there are criminal and civil court hearings...i cannot get legal aid for a lawyer except if i am using a defense lawyer....
a criminal court case involves the application of charges and sentencing (including jail time)...this can only be done by the State called the public prosecutor (i think its called the DA in usa for my many american fellows on the site
)
a civil court case involves suing someone and requires a lawyer (no financial aid offered)
if there is a trial therell be a judge and jury, the courtroom is empty except for me and my father and witnesses and i can bring one support person with me....they offered me to give evidence via cctv or around a screen but no. i can face him, thats what my heart tells me though the fear is definitely deep. thats why i know i would have to if a trial came to be...its in gods hands, and a close friend advises me to trust, the universe will bring back on him what he has sown, whatever happens...and wherever my life may lead, im beginning to believe in some part of me, that just because i'm alive is enough reason to get up and keep living...
so still waiting to hear news, contacted a non-government organisation for victim support who do some hassling of the police and the public prosecutor for me to ease my burden, and lean on my Faith a lot!!!! recovery friends have been a god send to keep me from allowing the stinking thinking to mask itself as reality that all is lost. for me, there is something amazing to be said to have friends who believe in gods love, grace and strength being with us, always. lord knows i need to be reminded a lot!
i still hurt that my sister has cut me off and the effects this has had on my family, but there is a strange sense of peace in acknowledging i was ripped off instead of minimising it and finding a silver lining in a raging storm, that my childhood was not lost,,,my childhood was stolen...that my mother has a scar in a brain and more medication because of what he did to her...yes my mother and sister have choices but its more complex than that to me...they are severley affected and damaged by my fathers actions, permanently in some ways. he did this to them. he did this to me. this is just the begnning
but he cannot help me now...therefore he cannot hurt me either....i am no longer under his power and my happiness and precious life can no longer bear anything by wishing things were different, by wishing others would change, much like, once upon a time, i wished a b and c would change - alcoholic or otherwise.
i truly hope sharing all this helps and educates or somethings because i found very little on the whole thing.this is something only God can help me with in all that he is and I gladly offer Him my load. you're prayers must be working because something keeps me lifted and strong. until the, just for today, i'm taking care of myself focusing each day on a weekly self-care goal...this week is my body which means showering, eating, sleeeping, cleaning , keeping my room tidy as possible, just for today im will try.
more will be revealed. peace and love and strength to you all.
there are criminal and civil court hearings...i cannot get legal aid for a lawyer except if i am using a defense lawyer....
a criminal court case involves the application of charges and sentencing (including jail time)...this can only be done by the State called the public prosecutor (i think its called the DA in usa for my many american fellows on the site
)a civil court case involves suing someone and requires a lawyer (no financial aid offered)
if there is a trial therell be a judge and jury, the courtroom is empty except for me and my father and witnesses and i can bring one support person with me....they offered me to give evidence via cctv or around a screen but no. i can face him, thats what my heart tells me though the fear is definitely deep. thats why i know i would have to if a trial came to be...its in gods hands, and a close friend advises me to trust, the universe will bring back on him what he has sown, whatever happens...and wherever my life may lead, im beginning to believe in some part of me, that just because i'm alive is enough reason to get up and keep living...
so still waiting to hear news, contacted a non-government organisation for victim support who do some hassling of the police and the public prosecutor for me to ease my burden, and lean on my Faith a lot!!!! recovery friends have been a god send to keep me from allowing the stinking thinking to mask itself as reality that all is lost. for me, there is something amazing to be said to have friends who believe in gods love, grace and strength being with us, always. lord knows i need to be reminded a lot!
i still hurt that my sister has cut me off and the effects this has had on my family, but there is a strange sense of peace in acknowledging i was ripped off instead of minimising it and finding a silver lining in a raging storm, that my childhood was not lost,,,my childhood was stolen...that my mother has a scar in a brain and more medication because of what he did to her...yes my mother and sister have choices but its more complex than that to me...they are severley affected and damaged by my fathers actions, permanently in some ways. he did this to them. he did this to me. this is just the begnning
but he cannot help me now...therefore he cannot hurt me either....i am no longer under his power and my happiness and precious life can no longer bear anything by wishing things were different, by wishing others would change, much like, once upon a time, i wished a b and c would change - alcoholic or otherwise.
i truly hope sharing all this helps and educates or somethings because i found very little on the whole thing.this is something only God can help me with in all that he is and I gladly offer Him my load. you're prayers must be working because something keeps me lifted and strong. until the, just for today, i'm taking care of myself focusing each day on a weekly self-care goal...this week is my body which means showering, eating, sleeeping, cleaning , keeping my room tidy as possible, just for today im will try.
more will be revealed. peace and love and strength to you all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
Hi all,
REading through your posts with tears on my face. im so thankful for the love and support in facing my truth....the court prosecutor has all the police statements and will talk to mother in the next month or so to decide if there will be a trial or not...it's been ridiculously long process but necessary nonetheless.
"The bruised reed he shall not break, and smoking flax he shall not quench, he shall bring forth judgement unto truth."- Isaiah 42:3 this has given me such strength today. thankyou.
had my birthday dinner last night with a mixture of friends, some from alanon and they had all of me, and i took in all of their love and kindness and i was overwhelmed but i felt like a winner, cos its been the hardest thing because of my past. was relaxed and nice time with good food etc. this morning i find myself feelin ok. but a little bit sad but ok. ok because through this process i know im not alone this time.
and to let go of what was...feel this whole ordeal might be closer to the end, i can at least hope. the truth has set me free regardless what happens next.
Thankyou.
REading through your posts with tears on my face. im so thankful for the love and support in facing my truth....the court prosecutor has all the police statements and will talk to mother in the next month or so to decide if there will be a trial or not...it's been ridiculously long process but necessary nonetheless.
"The bruised reed he shall not break, and smoking flax he shall not quench, he shall bring forth judgement unto truth."- Isaiah 42:3 this has given me such strength today. thankyou.
had my birthday dinner last night with a mixture of friends, some from alanon and they had all of me, and i took in all of their love and kindness and i was overwhelmed but i felt like a winner, cos its been the hardest thing because of my past. was relaxed and nice time with good food etc. this morning i find myself feelin ok. but a little bit sad but ok. ok because through this process i know im not alone this time.
and to let go of what was...feel this whole ordeal might be closer to the end, i can at least hope. the truth has set me free regardless what happens next.
Thankyou.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: norwich, uk
Posts: 80
Hey ((Utopia))
I have read about your situation before, but didn't have the courage to post. Plus I was in my own personal hole.
I cannot believe that this is still going on! I admire your tenacity and courage to seek justice for the loss of your childhood to a man who does not deserve the title *father* never mind *dad*.
I would like to say that you are in my prayers, but I haven't got the hang of random preying outside of church yet. I will say that you are in my thoughts (when my brain works
) and now whenever you update on here I will know.
Alex (Female)
I have read about your situation before, but didn't have the courage to post. Plus I was in my own personal hole.
I cannot believe that this is still going on! I admire your tenacity and courage to seek justice for the loss of your childhood to a man who does not deserve the title *father* never mind *dad*.
I would like to say that you are in my prayers, but I haven't got the hang of random preying outside of church yet. I will say that you are in my thoughts (when my brain works
) and now whenever you update on here I will know.Alex (Female)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there utopia
Happy Birthday !!!! I'm glad you spent it with friends and had a good time.
And congratulations for the courage you have, and for coming thru a stronger better person thru all this hardship. I think that's admirable.
Mike
Happy Birthday !!!! I'm glad you spent it with friends and had a good time.
And congratulations for the courage you have, and for coming thru a stronger better person thru all this hardship. I think that's admirable.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
and to let go of what was...feel this whole ordeal might be closer to the end, i can at least hope. the truth has set me free regardless what happens next.
Thankyou.
Thankyou.
you inspire me too.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
hi,
all. it is over finally. a month or so ago it was put to rest. the police and courts believed me but advised my mothers shaky testimony and lack of other evidence was not enough to prove "without doubt" that he raped me.
i was healed to be beleived by the authorities, rather than mocked as my mother and i were when i was a child, yes child lawyers and psychologists laughing in our face and not believing us...so some healing, plus my father was fined heavily $45000 for some shonky building, so , perhaps my HP sought my justice that way to spare me a court trial....
in hindsight now though, after so many years of grief and struggle i will always have this stain to manage but im free of the battle thanks christ. there is a massive void of space now where the constant battle to speak my truth took place...so ive been getting counselling and keeping up my meetings, just to keep inviting my understanding of God to fill that space and see what's next for my life though the numbness is still a bit big,
ive started doing somethings to get myself moving physically like a movement meditationclass, kicking ass i guess, hard bloody work this life sometimes even though i cant deny the beauty in walking through the fire!
all. it is over finally. a month or so ago it was put to rest. the police and courts believed me but advised my mothers shaky testimony and lack of other evidence was not enough to prove "without doubt" that he raped me.
i was healed to be beleived by the authorities, rather than mocked as my mother and i were when i was a child, yes child lawyers and psychologists laughing in our face and not believing us...so some healing, plus my father was fined heavily $45000 for some shonky building, so , perhaps my HP sought my justice that way to spare me a court trial....
in hindsight now though, after so many years of grief and struggle i will always have this stain to manage but im free of the battle thanks christ. there is a massive void of space now where the constant battle to speak my truth took place...so ive been getting counselling and keeping up my meetings, just to keep inviting my understanding of God to fill that space and see what's next for my life though the numbness is still a bit big,
ive started doing somethings to get myself moving physically like a movement meditationclass, kicking ass i guess, hard bloody work this life sometimes even though i cant deny the beauty in walking through the fire!
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