NMillis

so my mother was a pretty hard drinker, especially as me and my sister became teenagers. She always thought she had a handle on it-- not even an accident that occurred under the influence and which nearly took her life could dissuade her. then, two years ago, she decided to quit. she was sober for about a year and a half, then fell off the wagon last summer (as her marriage finally crumbled). over the holidays I saw her drinking a little, but she seemed to be ok with just a glass or two of wine. now she's moved back to her hometown in the deep south (there is NOTHING but bars and churches in this town!). I'm staying with her for a little while while I recover from some traumas of my own.
and she's got this new dude. he took us out drinking last night. he bought both of us like 3 rounds. his friends are my age--in fact, we all ended up going to a house party together. he's a nice enough man, but he is obviously not a good influence on her recovery. she is 45, newly divorced, and still good-looking. she enjoys the attention she gets and told me she's "jus' havin' some fun" and that it's nothing serious with him.
I know I can't control it, but for pete's sake, I'm staying with her! I am hoping this is a phase. I want her to recover without these stupid distractions. I am trying to detach. of course, I've told her how I feel, but I can't help but worry...

Wascally Wabbit

If only they would listen to us, and do what we want them to do.
Welcome N, I am glad you;re here.
My mom was a full fledged mean and hateful alcoholic. She eventually quit drinking after ruining every single relationship in her life, including her children.
One thing I learned is they will never stop until they want to. NOthing we do, say, act, spend will ever make them want to stop.

read up on some of MIDNIGHTFROST's posts. She has had to deal with a lot with her mother. She is living across the country from her mom, but how she handles it all is inspirational.
Read the sticky notes at the top of this board. They are real eye openers.

The chaos of living with an active alcoholic can be more than we can bear. That's why I am gonna recommend Alanon meetings. You find a place to vent, and you find a way to deal with circumstances that are out of your control.
You also meet people who become your dearest friends that you can call up and talk to.
Keep posting too. I learned an awful lot on these boards.

NMillis

thanks, I have gone to an al-anon meeting, and everyone's stories sound so familiar.. it's just suck a sick cycle. It's just so unfortunate, because she is a brilliant painter and a wonderful woman (until wine passes her lips) and she was doing SO WELL. i really want to tell her to forget the stupid boyfriend, but she would never listen to a young fool like myself. And I feel like a hypocrite. I just turned 21 and the bars are too alluring..

Wascally Wabbit

A good place to start is by stop focusing on your mom and start focusing on how you can make your own life better and more fulfilling. It's hard when you live with the active a, but it can be done. I only wish I had known about alanon when I was young. It would have saved me from a lifetime of misery.
Good luck. Keep coming back!