isolating rut
 

I have had an awful past 2yrs. Probably, the 2 worst years of my adult life. I realize I had what I consider a *slip* in my al-anon/acoa program.

I wouldn't trade these past 2yrs for anything because the got me honest again and back into the program.

My husband and I made a bad/ignorant decision 2yrs ago. We decided it was o.k. to join his dads company/work. We had been living across the country, in peaceful bliss for the past 4yrs. So we moved back to our home/region of the country so my H could work with his dad and brother as a partner of sorts.

The ignorant part is 1. that we thought these dysfunctional/toxic people
had changed.
2. I thought I was *recovered* and could handle
anything if I set boundaries.

Boundaries are good and boundaries are great, but boundaries don't work on crazy people. (Thank you Melody Beattie---32 Weeks of Concious Contact
Melody: "Crazy people make you crazy"...period...)

Well, my husband and I, and our serenity and our marriage were/are *roadkill* on the crazy superhighway.

Those relatives have since moved far away....happily ignorant of our condition and of their craziness. Left us with all sorts of loose ends to tie up having to do with their move, selling their vehicle, the now defunct buisness, blah, blah, bleech.

I am back in recovery and trying to figure out what the hell just happened to us! Like a survivor of a tornado.

The good thing is hubby sees them for what they are now, after what he has suffered the past 2yrs, whereas, before, he was in denial. Leaving him with all these loose ends was my hubbies bottom, I think. We have eliminated them and their toxic influence from our lives..We don't even talk to them on the phone. Yay Us!

Soooooo, my problem is physical exercise! lol

I tend to isolate after horrible experiences like this, a pattern with me, as do so many acoa's.

I read something a beloved member of this board said today that exercise clears the mind...I love that idea and I need that! Thank you!

I struggle with in what way to exercise...I have videos...they get boring after a week. I love to hike and the outdoors..hard to do in a subdivision.

I see my need to exercise...Sick of myself and this isolating rut. It has been almost 3 months since the toxic relatives have left.

My street is a shortcut to a superWM/shopping. Very busy with people speeding. I go to the park but run into conflict with my isolating nature at the moment. No bad experiences, just me.

My son doesn't have this problem because he has many friends in the neighborhood and they are all VERY active. Thank God!

Any ideas? How do you break out of an isolating rut? Am I being too hard or soft on myself? I know I am confused on this matter. Any advice, anything words at all, I treasure what you all have to say.

Thank you,

Growing

How do acoa's get their exercise?

Growing, I too do much better when I get exercise. I used to walk/jog with the dog. But the dog I have now has very short legs so it's not much exercise. I joined an all woman gym. Because I tend to be quiet I used to go and put headphones on. People tend to leave you alone when you have on headphones. When I got comfortable I took them off, and started going to classes and talking to the people I had been smiling and saying good morning too. Hope you find your place exercise does help clear the mind.
learning how

Hi Growing,

When I was exactly where you are, a while back, I personally found the nearest recreation center (public, as opposed to more expensive "athletic club" which I couldn't afford) and looked through their spring catalog. They had neat little short-term classes in things like rock climbing, outdoor aerobics (!), racquetball, pilates, vortexercise (in a vortex loop in a pool) and other stuff I'd never explored. Scared to death, isolated for years, I held my breath, picked one and signed up online.

And who did I meet in that class? (I believe it was tai chi at that point) A bunch of other women my age who had ALSO been isolating themselves. Oh, a few extroverts too, but mostly people who looked every bit as nervous as I did!!! It was hilarious.

I also walk, a lot. Sometimes, on meetup.com, you can find groups that get together to hike, take Sunday morning walks, take their dogs to play together, go to galleries and plays, etc. If there isn't a group, perhaps you could start one! In the Sunday paper there are sometimes listings of volunteer activities that sound fun to me: cleaning up a certain park or trail, planting trees, behind the scenes at the science museum, etc. A lot of public libraries will have information on physically active events coming up (ask). Stores that sell running shoes or athletic gear will often have brochures or information on groups that revolve around one kind of physical endeavor or another...

Mostly, just explore anything that keeps your feet and body moving and gets you out in contact with other people struggling to do the same. It doesn't have to be "exercise" even...as long as it gets you out in the air and moving. The only prerequisites are a) you must find it FUN, and b) did I mention you must find it fun???? :)

That's how this ACoA stays active, anyway. Always a struggle, but it's something that makes the rest of life so much easier. I'm still slightly bulkier than I'd like, but my heart is stronger, my head clearer, and I'm finally meeting people I like and respect, because they too are trying.

Good luck, Growing!!!

GL

Thank you GL and LH!

You have given me great ideas! Most of the suggestions never crossed my mind, and some you have suggested, I thought of, buy in the back of my mind said, "Is it right for an acoa?".

Wow...I am starting to get excited about it...I knew the cheaper public athletic center was a good bet...or the all womens gym...I have *always* wanted to volunteer!...I love the library, but never thought of checking out the activities--great idea! Each time I considered something, that doubting voice would nag me.

It helps me so much to know that fellow acoa's have tried these suggestions. So now, when that voice says, "Is it right for *messed up me*?" I can say, "Fellow acoas have tried it and succeeded!"....Very powerful! Its acoa approved!

You are so right....Acoa's won't exercise if it is not FUN! I should more appropriately focus on the fun-factor....hmmmmmmm

I haven't got such good advice from anyone I know..

I just needed that extra push, from my acoa family, to know that you guys are doing it, in so many creative ways...

Please keep the ideas coming!

Growing --

These ideas work for anyone, I think. Thanks for starting an insightful thread.

As someone who worked as a librarian in the local public library for four years, consider even asking if your public library needs any volunteers. We would have a huge variety of people who would come in and help with different tasks. It was great for the library and people who love books are wonderful to have around. And, if a little independent time is wanted, many of the tasks we had our volunteers do were single person jobs - things like reading the shelves to make sure the books were in order, etc. You're not isolated, but you can wait until you are comfortable before deciding to interact with others.

Just one more thought to add.

I'm going to go walking myself.

UM