Detaching With Love...Definition?
 

Just wondering how everyone defines detaching. I know some still stay in contact with their alcoholic, and only talk/interact on sober days. Some completely cut their alcoholic out and never speak to them again. I know there are many different ideas about detachment, and I was just wondering what everyone thought here...and what seems to work.

For me, detachment means treating them as if they were a stranger I met in a grocery store. I still interact, and do so with as much dignity as I would give any other human I met casually, but...

But I also always have an exit strategy at hand, whether it's caller ID for phone calls, or "someplace I have to be" for dinners or a distraction like going to see a show where you don't really interact much at all.

And I don't get involved in their issues. If I hear any griping from one about the other, I now have a pat reply of "wow, sounds like that bothers you, maybe you should talk to (other party) about it".

I've found tools that allow me to continue to be involved with them, without getting sucked into the mess.

That being said, there was a point in time where I was ready to go full on "no contact" because things had become entirely too unhealthy for me. If such a situation were to arise again, I would have no qualms doing that. After all, I only get one shot at life, and I'd rather not spend it being miserable about a problem that really isn't even mine.

Hey there Ahimsa :)

I see detaching as what happens _after_ i have established my boundaries. It is the _result_ of having determined what my needs are, what I won't allow in my life, and how I take action to maintain those boundaries.

Detachment happens little by little for me. Each time I set a better boundary, each time I learn a little more about taking care of my needs, I become more detached from the harmful behavior of other people.

Mike :)

Can I change my answer to "What Mike said"? ;)

For me...
Detachment means I do not have my 2 alcoholicaddicts
in my home. I am willing to do contact on neutral
space but actually prefer phone calls.

Also..I never believe a single thing they say.

I started dealing with the addicted them
when they were 17/18. Ten years later
is when I got to my detachment point.

That's when I turned them over to Gods care.
Here we are many years later..as far as I know
they are still in and out of addiction.
I have found recovery and sanity.

Blessings