How would you handle this?
Meg
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 22
How would you handle this?
My alcoholic mom and I live together but I am not living WITH her. The distinction being we each pay half of everything- more of a roommate situation.
With that said, my mom was laid off in March and has not found a job to date. She is very well educated, always performs well in her jobs and at work is ALWAYS sober. She has been on several interviews but has not been hired yet. She suffers from depression and the 6 months of unemployment have sent her into a tailspin of drinking and sleeping.
Due to the unemployment, she has recently run out of money. I paid half of her rent in August and all of it in September. After a recent drinking episode, I told her I would no longer help her with bills but honestly when I think about that it isn't possible. If all of rent doesn't get paid, I am in trouble as well.
Ideas, thoughts, etc? I am actually buying a place of my own within the next 6 months but until then I am not sure how to handle this...
With that said, my mom was laid off in March and has not found a job to date. She is very well educated, always performs well in her jobs and at work is ALWAYS sober. She has been on several interviews but has not been hired yet. She suffers from depression and the 6 months of unemployment have sent her into a tailspin of drinking and sleeping.
Due to the unemployment, she has recently run out of money. I paid half of her rent in August and all of it in September. After a recent drinking episode, I told her I would no longer help her with bills but honestly when I think about that it isn't possible. If all of rent doesn't get paid, I am in trouble as well.
Ideas, thoughts, etc? I am actually buying a place of my own within the next 6 months but until then I am not sure how to handle this...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there mcerra,
That's a tough one you got there. If I may suggest you separate it into two separate issues.
1- Her drinking. She's not going to get a job if she's drunk and asleep. Ever.
2- The rent. If she were _not_ your mom, but just a roomate, what would you do?
I think a great place to find out how to deal with a relative who's addicted to alcohol is right next door in the Friends and Family forum.
http://soberrecovery.com/forums/frie...ly-alcoholics/
Browse thru the "sticky" post at the top, read some of the posts, then ask the experts how they would deal with a similar situation. While you're doing that, a few meetings of al-anon might be helpful too. They did me worlds of good.
Mike
That's a tough one you got there. If I may suggest you separate it into two separate issues.
1- Her drinking. She's not going to get a job if she's drunk and asleep. Ever.
2- The rent. If she were _not_ your mom, but just a roomate, what would you do?
I think a great place to find out how to deal with a relative who's addicted to alcohol is right next door in the Friends and Family forum.
http://soberrecovery.com/forums/frie...ly-alcoholics/
Browse thru the "sticky" post at the top, read some of the posts, then ask the experts how they would deal with a similar situation. While you're doing that, a few meetings of al-anon might be helpful too. They did me worlds of good.
Mike
Is A Girl
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Staffs, England
Posts: 143
i dont know how it works in the USA but can she not get some kind of benefits/support from the government until she finds a job?
if not then you may have to just be tough on her, make it impossible for her NOT to push for a job.
my mum did this with me (i live at home) and she'd spend maybe an hour a night online and print out job vacancy details and she would MAKE me call them, or send a cv. just sit in front of me til i did it. at first it was a battle, but we got into a routine of it and hey presto, i now have a job.
the best of luck
Love,
Moose x
if not then you may have to just be tough on her, make it impossible for her NOT to push for a job.
my mum did this with me (i live at home) and she'd spend maybe an hour a night online and print out job vacancy details and she would MAKE me call them, or send a cv. just sit in front of me til i did it. at first it was a battle, but we got into a routine of it and hey presto, i now have a job.
the best of luck
Love,
Moose x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
If you know you're buying a new place in 6 months, then (and this is horrid advice to give) I would do my best to wait it out, then tell her she is not moving into your new house.
As for how to grin and bear it, if it is financially possible for you to do so, then at least that problem is solved. If it is not possible, do you have other siblings who can help you out? Failing that, it is possible to see about getting out of your lease early?
In terms of personal boundaries, I have had to spend months with my mother before here I had to treat her as though she didn't exist - it was the only way to protect my sanity (I've done this with roommates as well). It's not the best solution, but it worked for me when I knew there was an end in sight.
I wish you much luck and strength. Sorry I don't have anything better to offer.
As for how to grin and bear it, if it is financially possible for you to do so, then at least that problem is solved. If it is not possible, do you have other siblings who can help you out? Failing that, it is possible to see about getting out of your lease early?
In terms of personal boundaries, I have had to spend months with my mother before here I had to treat her as though she didn't exist - it was the only way to protect my sanity (I've done this with roommates as well). It's not the best solution, but it worked for me when I knew there was an end in sight.
I wish you much luck and strength. Sorry I don't have anything better to offer.
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