It's working!
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
It's working!
I have posted a few times about my recovering alcoholic mother. 30 years sober!
But, the behaviors remain. The controlling attutide, the horrid guilt trips.
Well, again to day, for the second time in my life, I stood up for my self and refused to accept the guilt trip!
She's wanting to come down to visit so I can sign some papers. I said, come on any time you want, but I have to work straight thru the weekend.
She said, "You are really making it hard on me."
Instead of saying nothing, and allowing myself to become angry with her for trying to make me feel bad, I said, "How am I making it hard on you? Could it be that you're upset because I have to work and can't take off?"
She changed her tune. I put off the guilt trip and made her accountable for her own feelings.
Things may just get better between us if I continue to practice what I have learned here.
But, the behaviors remain. The controlling attutide, the horrid guilt trips.
Well, again to day, for the second time in my life, I stood up for my self and refused to accept the guilt trip!
She's wanting to come down to visit so I can sign some papers. I said, come on any time you want, but I have to work straight thru the weekend.
She said, "You are really making it hard on me."
Instead of saying nothing, and allowing myself to become angry with her for trying to make me feel bad, I said, "How am I making it hard on you? Could it be that you're upset because I have to work and can't take off?"
She changed her tune. I put off the guilt trip and made her accountable for her own feelings.
Things may just get better between us if I continue to practice what I have learned here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: East Coast
Posts: 9
Wow thats awesome!!!! Keep on a going Girl!!! It looks like your life is changing right before your own eyes. Im so proud of you...The more you stand up for yourself the more your self esteem goes up up and away...I hope you have a great day...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Great implementation Wascal! You did exactly what needed to be done - made her accountable for her own feelings rather than allowing her to place the responsibility for her happiness on you.
Isn't it a fantastically liberating experience?
I have a coworker who I call the DramaQueen. Yesterday when I was already half an hour late leaving for lunch (I had an appointment over lunch, so being late was NOT a good thing), she asked me to ask another person to sign something. She does this a LOT. I looked at her and said in a cheerful and polite tone of voice "You can ask her, that's fine," then turned my back on her and walked out the door.
It felt wonderful
Okay, part of it feels a little vindictive, but I think that feeling is my guilt being warped into something sightly different, but it still felt wonderful. And I'll take any progress I can, even if it means I feel slightly vindictive when I stand up for myself. I know that that too shall pass with more experience and that making others take responsibility for their own needs and actions is not actually being vindictive.
Isn't it a fantastically liberating experience?
I have a coworker who I call the DramaQueen. Yesterday when I was already half an hour late leaving for lunch (I had an appointment over lunch, so being late was NOT a good thing), she asked me to ask another person to sign something. She does this a LOT. I looked at her and said in a cheerful and polite tone of voice "You can ask her, that's fine," then turned my back on her and walked out the door.
It felt wonderful
Okay, part of it feels a little vindictive, but I think that feeling is my guilt being warped into something sightly different, but it still felt wonderful. And I'll take any progress I can, even if it means I feel slightly vindictive when I stand up for myself. I know that that too shall pass with more experience and that making others take responsibility for their own needs and actions is not actually being vindictive.
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Thank you phoenix! You're a real sweetheart with such encouraging words.
Ginger, it was what you said in answer to one of my previous posts that was the begining of my standing up for myself. I have to thank you. I took your well thought out advice and it worked.
Ginger, it was what you said in answer to one of my previous posts that was the begining of my standing up for myself. I have to thank you. I took your well thought out advice and it worked.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Heh, you took the advice of several of my therapists and it worked I'm afraid I really can't take credit for it. It's something I still have to work on daily almost, and I'm not completely there yet, I still have twinges of guilt, but I've taken them from deluges to twinges, and that's progress!
I'm afraid I really can't take credit for it. It's something I still have to work on daily almost, and I'm not completely there yet, I still have twinges of guilt, but I've taken them from deluges to twinges, and that's progress!
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