Thinking out loud
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Thinking out loud
At the risk of sounding like I am blaming let me ramble for a moment.
I have said my mother was unavailable and I have said she was a doormat. I realize I have choices and I always have but if I had had some firm direction maybe I wouldn't have ventured into alcohol and drugs. There I said it.
I would go out with my friends and call home from my girlfriends house and "tell" my mom I was spending the night. She would say fine. That left it wide open for me to not come home stoned. This friend had a mom as high as we were, on presription drugs, so she never even knew I was there. Only once did my mom say "no" and I was apalled! She came and got me and I was so high even she could see it. I never recall even having a curfew.
When I was 16 and 17 my parents were getting divorced and that is when my partying began. I saw it then as being independent and that I was lucky to not have the controlling parents of most of my friends. But now I am not so sure. I kind of got left in the dust because they had their own problems.
Hugs,
JT
I have said my mother was unavailable and I have said she was a doormat. I realize I have choices and I always have but if I had had some firm direction maybe I wouldn't have ventured into alcohol and drugs. There I said it.
I would go out with my friends and call home from my girlfriends house and "tell" my mom I was spending the night. She would say fine. That left it wide open for me to not come home stoned. This friend had a mom as high as we were, on presription drugs, so she never even knew I was there. Only once did my mom say "no" and I was apalled! She came and got me and I was so high even she could see it. I never recall even having a curfew.
When I was 16 and 17 my parents were getting divorced and that is when my partying began. I saw it then as being independent and that I was lucky to not have the controlling parents of most of my friends. But now I am not so sure. I kind of got left in the dust because they had their own problems.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 34
Thanks for your thoughts. I didn't feel that you were blaming anyone. I feel it is important to acknowlege the things that brought us to where we are.
I, too, feel that I was not parented as a teenager. I was the youngest child, and my older sister had become a drug addict and left home. My parents let me run wild, with no curfew, coming home drunk & high, or staying out all night.
I believe these things helped create me as an Anon. It does me no good to blame them, but the knowlege can help heal me.
In addition, I believe that this knowlege will help me be a better parent. I see my children as a bright spot in my recovery.
Cat
I, too, feel that I was not parented as a teenager. I was the youngest child, and my older sister had become a drug addict and left home. My parents let me run wild, with no curfew, coming home drunk & high, or staying out all night.
I believe these things helped create me as an Anon. It does me no good to blame them, but the knowlege can help heal me.
In addition, I believe that this knowlege will help me be a better parent. I see my children as a bright spot in my recovery.
Cat
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
I was parented - my parents were very overprotective, which can be as bad as not parenting enough!
I remember one incident. (This, by the way, was not an instance of them being overprotective.) I was 19 and home for summer break from college. I went out with some friends one night and got really REALLY drunk. I came home around 5:00 AM. My dad was furious, which of course he had every right to be. But the thing was - I was stinking drunk!!!! I mean, I'm sure the neighbors could smell the liquor on me! But my dad? He didn't even notice!!! So I guess in that instance it was good for me that he, the alkie, confronted me instead of mom....
(I just felt like telling that story - it really has no bearing on anything!!!
)
I remember one incident. (This, by the way, was not an instance of them being overprotective.) I was 19 and home for summer break from college. I went out with some friends one night and got really REALLY drunk. I came home around 5:00 AM. My dad was furious, which of course he had every right to be. But the thing was - I was stinking drunk!!!! I mean, I'm sure the neighbors could smell the liquor on me! But my dad? He didn't even notice!!! So I guess in that instance it was good for me that he, the alkie, confronted me instead of mom....
(I just felt like telling that story - it really has no bearing on anything!!!
)
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