I am new here
hippy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 492
I am new here
Hi,
this is causing me an incredible amount of guilt to write this.
I am an adult child of parents with drinking probs. I am 36 and bear the emotional scars of being brought up by two wonderful people who at times drank too much. My mother is still alive and very much part of my life. I know she drinks daily but hides it from me. I do not ask her anymore. My father is dead and he died of bowel cancer leading to secondary liver cancer. I have always worried whether his binge drinking contributed to his death.
I wouldn't know where to start apart from this as guilt is a huge deal here but I do hope that I get to know some of you better.
I may have probs of my own to address too...I am not sure....but all things in good time eh?
Hippy
this is causing me an incredible amount of guilt to write this.
I am an adult child of parents with drinking probs. I am 36 and bear the emotional scars of being brought up by two wonderful people who at times drank too much. My mother is still alive and very much part of my life. I know she drinks daily but hides it from me. I do not ask her anymore. My father is dead and he died of bowel cancer leading to secondary liver cancer. I have always worried whether his binge drinking contributed to his death.
I wouldn't know where to start apart from this as guilt is a huge deal here but I do hope that I get to know some of you better.
I may have probs of my own to address too...I am not sure....but all things in good time eh?
Hippy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hi hippy,
So glad you found us. This is a very nice, supportive bunch of people.
It's a good place to slowly work through all of those thoughts that are hurting us....for example, where does this guilt come from for all of us? We did not cause our parents to drink, we cannot control their drinking, we can't cure it's effects....and darn it, these are people who were grownups when we met them, fully responsible for their own actions. So why do we carry the burden of guilt?
As you said, all things in their time
Welcome here
Hugs,
GiveLove
So glad you found us. This is a very nice, supportive bunch of people.
It's a good place to slowly work through all of those thoughts that are hurting us....for example, where does this guilt come from for all of us? We did not cause our parents to drink, we cannot control their drinking, we can't cure it's effects....and darn it, these are people who were grownups when we met them, fully responsible for their own actions. So why do we carry the burden of guilt?
As you said, all things in their time
Welcome here
Hugs,
GiveLove
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Welcome Hippy. I know you're new to this and you're just testing the waters. It's a very scarey place to be. The first time I went to see a counselor about my Adult Children of Alcoholic (ACoA) issues, I was terrified, sweating and shaking uncontrollably. I think I would have been less afraid if I was being assaulted physically.
A good place to start getting your feet wet is by reading the stickies at the top of this forum, particularly the 13 common characteristics of ACoAs. It helps a lot to know you're not crazy, you're not alone, and your "dirty little secrets" aren't so secret. It's easier to let go of the guilt/fear of admitting the problems when you know so very many other people have the same problems and will know what you mean when you say you feel guilty for posting.
I do know what you mean. I felt guilty every time I said anything about my parents being alcoholics at first. I don't feel guilty anymore. My parents were and still are alcoholics. I grew up in a toxic alcoholic environment. While my parents may choose to live in denial (or be incapable of living in reality), I choose to live in reality, and I choose to acknowledge that my past and my present relationships with my parents are true parts of that reality.
A good place to start getting your feet wet is by reading the stickies at the top of this forum, particularly the 13 common characteristics of ACoAs. It helps a lot to know you're not crazy, you're not alone, and your "dirty little secrets" aren't so secret. It's easier to let go of the guilt/fear of admitting the problems when you know so very many other people have the same problems and will know what you mean when you say you feel guilty for posting.
I do know what you mean. I felt guilty every time I said anything about my parents being alcoholics at first. I don't feel guilty anymore. My parents were and still are alcoholics. I grew up in a toxic alcoholic environment. While my parents may choose to live in denial (or be incapable of living in reality), I choose to live in reality, and I choose to acknowledge that my past and my present relationships with my parents are true parts of that reality.
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