Advice! Please?

Old 07-01-2007, 08:55 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Jul 2007
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Advice! Please?


Requesting one advice please! I'm 16 yrs old.
Ok My mother, when she drinks she says the most hurtful things to me, she kinda gets violent, she throws stuff, breaks everything and sometimes hurts me.
I try to ignore her. I have thought of leaving the house and not coming back till she relaxes. I've also thought of going to my grandma's house to live with her.
Anyways, she will never drink one cup and stop, she will continue till she passes out or gets violent.
She had a really bad car accident that involved drinking, thank God she survived the accident but she will never learn her lesson.
I'm really really tired of this, i've told her we must go to therapy but she says "Im not an alcoholic!, I Dont drink that much".
I've been feeling not so good, i've been busy studying for the finals and dealing with my own problems and i honestly cant handle my mother screaming horrible things at my ear.
Oh and she always mentions my dad, my dad died of a heart stroke, they were divorced and she blames me about his dead.
Anyways she always figures what to say to hurt me really badly and to make me feel like a tiny little bug.
Ok the thing is, i'm not talking to her, i'm going to finish my exams, study and i'll ignore my mother, i know it sounds stupid but if i dont ignore her i swear im going crazy. I was feeling kinda depressed but now im not depressed anymore and the thing is i want to walk away of everything that makes me feel sad, I'm feeling completely great and i dont want to deal with this sh** anymore. My Family are the worst persons in the world when asking for this kind of help. My Friends... they have helped me through a lot of things. Without them i would be lost, they're always there when i'm feeling sad and i know they will always be there for me with arms wide open but i just cant worry them about this bs.

So is it a good idea if i completely ignore her and just do my stuff ?
I Really need some time without this crap, i cant stand this anymore!

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Old 07-01-2007, 10:00 PM
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Location: LA - Lower Alabama
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I am sorry you have to go through this.

Do you have a camera you could hide and videotape one of her drunken rages? If so please do this and make a couple of copies of the tape. Show her one when she is sober. This has worked with people in the past, and they (at least some of them) will get help.

With the other copy, give one to your Grandmother or a good friend you can trust. You may need this in front of a judge someday if you want to be legally emancipated from your mother.

Let us know how things go.

Whatever you do, never forget how alcohol has done this to your mother, and don't ever get into alcohol and drugs.
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Old 07-01-2007, 10:24 PM
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Does your mother physically hurt you, like hit you or push you or anything like that?
Is there someone you can talk to about this like your teacher or another adult you
can talk to? I'm worried about you.
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Old 07-01-2007, 10:31 PM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Living with your grandma sounds like a fantastic idea. Discuss this with your grandma. For strarters, maybe you can stay with her all summer on a trial basis.
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Old 07-01-2007, 11:29 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
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I hope you can stay with your Grandma. You need to be in a safe environment.
My heart goes out to you. I came from alcoholic parents and my father was a cruel, insane drunk. We feared for our lives all the time. I thought about ending my own life at the age of 15, but I thank God I didn't! It's a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem, that's why!

Please do your best to be strong and if you can possibly go to Alateen meetings, I believe you'll never feel alone or helpless again.

Please keep coming back, okay? We all care about you.

Big hugs,
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Old 07-02-2007, 05:54 AM
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If tuning your mother out is the best way of coping with it right now then go ahead and tune her out.Talk with your friends about it.Most importantly do not believe the lies. You did not cause any of her problems and you certainly was not responsible for your father's death.Check to see if there are any ACoA or Alanon meetings in your area and ask one of your friends to go with you.

Good luck with your studies. If you continue to be brave and positive during this terrible situation you will soon be able to rise above it.
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Old 07-02-2007, 06:21 AM
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Location: Baton Rouge, La.
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No child should ever have to go thru what u r going thru.

Its hard to believe that this disease of alcohilsm is still
kicking butt even after all these yrs.....

See i was born in 58 and went thru the exact same thing
as u r...maybe worse because i was the oldest girl out of
4 siblings....i use to wish i were born a boy just so i wouldnt
have to go thru what ur going thru.....but as i can see....boy
or girl it doesnt matter....alcoholism affects EVERYONE it
comes in contact with.

See for me...i stayed in my physical, verbal, emotional abuse till
i couldnt take it anymore or when i was old enough to leave....
which was 18.

See u r already thinking of a safe haven to run to to protect
urself and yet for me, fear was instilled in me at such and
early age that i was to scared to tell anyone or escape.

See i was taught to keep quiet about what went on behind
the walls of my home....and if i did try to then i knew the
consequences....and for that i surely didnt want to rock the
boat or cause more i lived with the pain trying to
suck it up and stay strong.....yet i was soooo full of fear....until i toughened up and built an iron
wall around myself to protect myself from anyone ever hurting
me again when i finally left....

Then i had huge resentments towards my mom and others
that i thought loved me....

Then eventually i began to numb all the pain ...all the fears...
everything with alcohol....

No i didnt want to become like my mom and prayed i never
would....but...i did become an alcoholic but with help and
faith, and gidance from Above i didnt hurt my own kids....

Both r now 22 and 20 doing exceptionally well in life and school.

I wish i had the right answer for you sweety....i wish you would
never be hurt again.....i wish u nothing but strength and hope
that you will do the next best thing to protect urself....

Remember that alcohol is a DISEASE and it can strike at
any given moment...hurting and destroying anything and
anyone in its path.....its not the persons fault for what they

Once u r filled with the knowledge of this disease ...educate
urself about what it is and what it does...then u r better
prepared to deal with others as well as urself.

Remember this is not ur fault....

My family stepped in and did an intervention on me sending
me to rehab for 28 days.....they did for me what i couldnt
do for myself.....

Today I am truely grateful for that....

My name is Sharon and I am an Alcoholic.

By the Grace of my Higher Power whom I
chose to call God and people here in SR.
I havent had a drink of alcohol since 8-11-90.

Feel free to message me any time little one....
Im here if u need me.
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Old 07-02-2007, 09:53 AM
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Thank you very much everyone for all your support!
I Appreciate it very much! .
I'm also going to focus on what is more important and ignore all those stupid distractions!

Stphn is offline  
Old 07-02-2007, 08:44 PM
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To Life!
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
To focus on yourself is a wise decision right now.
Your studies will take you to places you want to be.
I agree that alateen meetings would be very helpful for you. I've seen kids come out shinning by getting a sponsor and working the steps.

I wish you all the best, and look forward to getting to know you as we both continue to grow in our recovery.

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Old 07-06-2007, 05:06 AM
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Getting out of my own way!
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Location: Looking for a place to turn around
Posts: 257
Go talk to your grandma .....she needs to know...and you need to know that you are not alone....((HUGS))
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