Update on my new job
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
Update on my new job
So I have an update.
My new job is going well. I am going to work every day and doing my best. I already feel myself falling into some negative patterns that I am afraid of tho.
The worst thing is approval seeking behaviors. I notice that I am always needing reassurence that I am doing the right thing or aying the right thing. This is something that I am worried about now.
I also noticed that once I start getting comfterable in a job...my job prefromence
starts slipping. I get burned out quickly - and start doing little things that add up - and make me seem like a bad employee. For example - I will see other people slacking off - so will tell myself it is ok to slack off "a little bit": because that it how the other employee's do it KWIM?? Then something will happen while I happen to be slacking off and I will be punished.
I feel this pressure - to be the best at everything all the time - to learn the qickest -do the best job exc. That runs me out you know. I feel like I will be looked down upon if I am NOT over-exerting myself - then that over-exertion leads to burnout and self sabatoge when I get to a point where I am so over loaded that I can't function anymore.
I don't know how NOT to burn out. I never learned. I need to get into therapy if I have a half of a chance of finding myself in a normal life, fallowing normal NON-DESTRUCTIVE patterns of behavior, and a balanced life style.
My new job is going well. I am going to work every day and doing my best. I already feel myself falling into some negative patterns that I am afraid of tho.
The worst thing is approval seeking behaviors. I notice that I am always needing reassurence that I am doing the right thing or aying the right thing. This is something that I am worried about now.
I also noticed that once I start getting comfterable in a job...my job prefromence
starts slipping. I get burned out quickly - and start doing little things that add up - and make me seem like a bad employee. For example - I will see other people slacking off - so will tell myself it is ok to slack off "a little bit": because that it how the other employee's do it KWIM?? Then something will happen while I happen to be slacking off and I will be punished.
I feel this pressure - to be the best at everything all the time - to learn the qickest -do the best job exc. That runs me out you know. I feel like I will be looked down upon if I am NOT over-exerting myself - then that over-exertion leads to burnout and self sabatoge when I get to a point where I am so over loaded that I can't function anymore.
I don't know how NOT to burn out. I never learned. I need to get into therapy if I have a half of a chance of finding myself in a normal life, fallowing normal NON-DESTRUCTIVE patterns of behavior, and a balanced life style.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: south florida
Posts: 80
i hear you about being burnt out.
I consider myself to be burnt out.
i work though all the time and keep on trucking. for years and years and years the same type of horibly hard work that not many can do. I see coworkers come and go through the years and i hang in there burnt out as hell,but what am i going to do?
Work sucks.
when i hear about those people that win the lotery and go to work th enext day .i want to strangle them ,that is the stupidest thing i ever herd of.
I have off days at work some times i am so run down ,i just can't be the cyclone i am on other days.
WORK SUCKS! it is the way it has allways been. You will here people say that the secret is to find something you love to do.Well i like to build engines. But i do it for a living .And i have to tell you work is work wether you like what you are doing or not it sucks to work hard all the time. But that is what you have to do.Sink or swim.
I think if i was to get a job at something i realy love to do it ,I would be a porn star,
but if you ask them ,they will tell you to. it is just another day on the job. work is work.
You are not alone as far as having problems at work.billions of us feel the same way.I have no end in sight with my job and teh amount of work i have to do.It will never stop.i could work 365 days a year and just never get done.I will have to work until i die i am afraid.That is a big thing to look at.but what am i going to do?
I just want to be stinking rich.i know they say more money more problems .but that is something rich people say.or dreamers.I would love to have those sort of problems.
I do not see a cure for work related stress. i know i will be tortured and stressed out for the rest of my hard working life. I have hands like hammers and arms like ropes, my body is a twisted sore knot. i walk with a limp.i am mean and short and strickt on the job, and sort of that way off the job.
happyness for me on teh job ,is when when i do the job rite and it is finished and the costomer is impressed with my work and pays without fussing.the rest of the time i am a machine.
maybe the secret of not failing at a job,is to just let it beat you into a piece of steel.Just take it,you have no choice but to work or live in the streets homeless.so pick your field of work and do your slaving until you die,and seek emotioal and phisical pleasure and happyness outside of work, because from 8 to 4:30 or 9 to 5 whatever you got your ___ belongs to the man. that is how it is for me anyways.
this is not one of those spiritual huggs and kisses post, but is is my take on the whole work thing and it is my world and how the world had been to me and what works for me.maybe you can take some of what i say and relate to it or use it.
please don't deliet anymore of my post. It is like my tortured life is not good enough to share or like i don;t know what i am talking about when you delite my post.it realy bothers me and it not fair to do on a adults only web site.my thoughts do apply to allot of people and i am a very valid addict with a long history of abbuse.so think about my feeling some times please.
thank you.
I consider myself to be burnt out.
i work though all the time and keep on trucking. for years and years and years the same type of horibly hard work that not many can do. I see coworkers come and go through the years and i hang in there burnt out as hell,but what am i going to do?
Work sucks.
when i hear about those people that win the lotery and go to work th enext day .i want to strangle them ,that is the stupidest thing i ever herd of.
I have off days at work some times i am so run down ,i just can't be the cyclone i am on other days.
WORK SUCKS! it is the way it has allways been. You will here people say that the secret is to find something you love to do.Well i like to build engines. But i do it for a living .And i have to tell you work is work wether you like what you are doing or not it sucks to work hard all the time. But that is what you have to do.Sink or swim.
I think if i was to get a job at something i realy love to do it ,I would be a porn star,
but if you ask them ,they will tell you to. it is just another day on the job. work is work.
You are not alone as far as having problems at work.billions of us feel the same way.I have no end in sight with my job and teh amount of work i have to do.It will never stop.i could work 365 days a year and just never get done.I will have to work until i die i am afraid.That is a big thing to look at.but what am i going to do?
I just want to be stinking rich.i know they say more money more problems .but that is something rich people say.or dreamers.I would love to have those sort of problems.
I do not see a cure for work related stress. i know i will be tortured and stressed out for the rest of my hard working life. I have hands like hammers and arms like ropes, my body is a twisted sore knot. i walk with a limp.i am mean and short and strickt on the job, and sort of that way off the job.
happyness for me on teh job ,is when when i do the job rite and it is finished and the costomer is impressed with my work and pays without fussing.the rest of the time i am a machine.
maybe the secret of not failing at a job,is to just let it beat you into a piece of steel.Just take it,you have no choice but to work or live in the streets homeless.so pick your field of work and do your slaving until you die,and seek emotioal and phisical pleasure and happyness outside of work, because from 8 to 4:30 or 9 to 5 whatever you got your ___ belongs to the man. that is how it is for me anyways.
this is not one of those spiritual huggs and kisses post, but is is my take on the whole work thing and it is my world and how the world had been to me and what works for me.maybe you can take some of what i say and relate to it or use it.
please don't deliet anymore of my post. It is like my tortured life is not good enough to share or like i don;t know what i am talking about when you delite my post.it realy bothers me and it not fair to do on a adults only web site.my thoughts do apply to allot of people and i am a very valid addict with a long history of abbuse.so think about my feeling some times please.
thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 62
Carl thanks for your response. I personally have never deleated any of your posts. I don't even know how to do that on soberrecovery. So I don't know what thats about.
I wasn't saying that work won't be hard or demanding. I understand that work isin't a play time and that it is nessicary for survival exc exc.
What I am having trouble isin't "regular" work related stress or burn out exc. I am having NEGATIVE patterns of behavior that stem from being an ACOA that effect my ability to NOT self-sabatoge. Self sabatoge that results from being an ACOA or from PTSD is part of a emotional or mental inbalance (well sort of) and stems from negative patterns of behavior and survival skills that were instilled from growing up in a toxic/abusive childhood. I am looking for ways to overcome these toxic behaviors NOT complainging about work. I like my job. I enjoy it. I am trying to cure myself of the negative and toxic self sabotaging behaviors that MIGHT cause me to loose it in the future. This isin't something that I can just suck up and get over and tought it out through. This is something I am trying to get help with through recovery.
I wasn't saying that work won't be hard or demanding. I understand that work isin't a play time and that it is nessicary for survival exc exc.
What I am having trouble isin't "regular" work related stress or burn out exc. I am having NEGATIVE patterns of behavior that stem from being an ACOA that effect my ability to NOT self-sabatoge. Self sabatoge that results from being an ACOA or from PTSD is part of a emotional or mental inbalance (well sort of) and stems from negative patterns of behavior and survival skills that were instilled from growing up in a toxic/abusive childhood. I am looking for ways to overcome these toxic behaviors NOT complainging about work. I like my job. I enjoy it. I am trying to cure myself of the negative and toxic self sabotaging behaviors that MIGHT cause me to loose it in the future. This isin't something that I can just suck up and get over and tought it out through. This is something I am trying to get help with through recovery.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Carl I can assure you mlynn did not delete any of your posts nor did any of the other regular members.
Mlynn. Recovery gives us the abilty to regain control of our lives. Today you know better and you know enough about yourself to recognize destructive patterns as they emege. You have it within you now to make the right choices.
Mlynn. Recovery gives us the abilty to regain control of our lives. Today you know better and you know enough about yourself to recognize destructive patterns as they emege. You have it within you now to make the right choices.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Sometimes, work is just a means to an end.
I can work to pay for my house and food... but what I do to feed my SOUL is something else entirely.
I've taught classes before ... I enjoy the HELL outta those. That feeds my soul. I've volunteered before... THAT feeds my soul. I've done public speaking and writing creative stories THOSE things feed my soul.
But I have other needs ... I like sleeping in a warm, dry bed. I enjoy eating regular, hot meals. And my WORK gives me those.
I agree with Carl that there are days that WORK SUCKS!
But I also keep work "in its place". It is not everything... it is only one thing.
Now that competition thing... yikes. I DO have to watch out for that demon. That really is part of my addictive personality.
In my current position, there are only 20 employees. Two of us share a similar skill-set. There is an unspoken "competition" between us that makes me not only want to do better .... which can be good, or which can burn me out. But it ALSO tends to get me thinking things like... SHE gets all the good jobs... SHE gets all the "fun" tasks... SHE gets all the attention.
That is a part I have been working on... by praying, by talking to my sponsor, by writing about it in a journal and by asking my HP for guidance.
((hugs))
I can work to pay for my house and food... but what I do to feed my SOUL is something else entirely.
I've taught classes before ... I enjoy the HELL outta those. That feeds my soul. I've volunteered before... THAT feeds my soul. I've done public speaking and writing creative stories THOSE things feed my soul.
But I have other needs ... I like sleeping in a warm, dry bed. I enjoy eating regular, hot meals. And my WORK gives me those.
I agree with Carl that there are days that WORK SUCKS!
But I also keep work "in its place". It is not everything... it is only one thing.Now that competition thing... yikes. I DO have to watch out for that demon. That really is part of my addictive personality.
In my current position, there are only 20 employees. Two of us share a similar skill-set. There is an unspoken "competition" between us that makes me not only want to do better .... which can be good, or which can burn me out. But it ALSO tends to get me thinking things like... SHE gets all the good jobs... SHE gets all the "fun" tasks... SHE gets all the attention.
That is a part I have been working on... by praying, by talking to my sponsor, by writing about it in a journal and by asking my HP for guidance.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Mlynn,
I think that's awesome, Mlynn. You are aware of the patterns in your life that cause you harm. You mentioned in another post that you had a plan to see a therapist, to build up some savings before you go into housing, that you have signed up for driving lessons.
You know, what _I_ see is that you have a lot of _positive_ patterns that you have started in your life. You are making plans to improve your housing, you are taking action to increase your independence, you asking for help from people who are experts in helping us ACoA's. Gosh, I see you having all kinds of wonderful, positive growth.
You keep doing what you're doing and you're going to be just fine
Mike
Originally Posted by Mlynn 
... I already feel myself falling into some negative patterns that I am afraid of tho....
You know, what _I_ see is that you have a lot of _positive_ patterns that you have started in your life. You are making plans to improve your housing, you are taking action to increase your independence, you asking for help from people who are experts in helping us ACoA's. Gosh, I see you having all kinds of wonderful, positive growth.
You keep doing what you're doing and you're going to be just fine
Mike
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: south florida
Posts: 80
i know mlynn did not deliet or did any regular members deleit any of my post. that was a side note to the moderators,I should of made a note of that in the post ,sory for teh confusion.
I my self mlynn came from a abusive child hood , i had a bit of it all growing up. i was hit allot,i was allways neglected, my parents were drunks and drug importers and distributers,i used drugs from young child hood on to adult hood,
the school said i was emotionaly handycapt.
what i can gather about that is that ,i am not stupid ,but i can't seem to learn on anyone elses terms, i have to do it all myself.and i like to punch any school bully in his nose if he gives me any trouble.
so i have allways been a little nuts in the head. and honestly i have done so many bad things in my life i dont allways like to go out to places like grocery stores or shoping malls. i will go though but i dont feel good in them.i some times think people are loooking at me or talking about me.i have a very guilty concience. the funny thing is i had no problem shop lifting all those times.LOL.maybe becasue i shop lifted like it was my job?i can steel anything . i was good i had skills.
but anyway back to about work,i go through all the different feeling and fears and thoughts at work constantly,and all my own wierd head trips and sick day dreams and fantacys,the thing is I belong at work. so i can do anything i want because in this world i belong at work,that is were i am suposed to be and it is what i am suposed to be doing.So i can be any kind of way i want to be and as long as teh job gets done can't no body tell me ____.
I say that whatever is going through your head just ,or if your stuck in your head,just roll with it. your at work what the hell else do they want from you or what the hell else are you suposed to be doing.
It is good to laugh at your self, i keep my self in check,and laugh when some one else calls me out,if i am F-ing up.
if you catch your self slipping, just think WTF am i doing ,and get back to work.
I have been i wacko my whole life.and the way i see it ,it's the worlds problem not mine.a long time ago i just gave up and said $#%$ it ,it's not me it's the world ,and just ran with it,We have to live .
I my self mlynn came from a abusive child hood , i had a bit of it all growing up. i was hit allot,i was allways neglected, my parents were drunks and drug importers and distributers,i used drugs from young child hood on to adult hood,
the school said i was emotionaly handycapt.
what i can gather about that is that ,i am not stupid ,but i can't seem to learn on anyone elses terms, i have to do it all myself.and i like to punch any school bully in his nose if he gives me any trouble.
so i have allways been a little nuts in the head. and honestly i have done so many bad things in my life i dont allways like to go out to places like grocery stores or shoping malls. i will go though but i dont feel good in them.i some times think people are loooking at me or talking about me.i have a very guilty concience. the funny thing is i had no problem shop lifting all those times.LOL.maybe becasue i shop lifted like it was my job?i can steel anything . i was good i had skills.
but anyway back to about work,i go through all the different feeling and fears and thoughts at work constantly,and all my own wierd head trips and sick day dreams and fantacys,the thing is I belong at work. so i can do anything i want because in this world i belong at work,that is were i am suposed to be and it is what i am suposed to be doing.So i can be any kind of way i want to be and as long as teh job gets done can't no body tell me ____.
I say that whatever is going through your head just ,or if your stuck in your head,just roll with it. your at work what the hell else do they want from you or what the hell else are you suposed to be doing.
It is good to laugh at your self, i keep my self in check,and laugh when some one else calls me out,if i am F-ing up.
if you catch your self slipping, just think WTF am i doing ,and get back to work.
I have been i wacko my whole life.and the way i see it ,it's the worlds problem not mine.a long time ago i just gave up and said $#%$ it ,it's not me it's the world ,and just ran with it,We have to live .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 323
Originally Posted by Mlynn
So I have an update.
My new job is going well. I am going to work every day and doing my best. I already feel myself falling into some negative patterns that I am afraid of tho.
The worst thing is approval seeking behaviors. I notice that I am always needing reassurence that I am doing the right thing or aying the right thing. This is something that I am worried about now.
I also noticed that once I start getting comfterable in a job...my job prefromence
starts slipping. I get burned out quickly - and start doing little things that add up - and make me seem like a bad employee. For example - I will see other people slacking off - so will tell myself it is ok to slack off "a little bit": because that it how the other employee's do it KWIM?? Then something will happen while I happen to be slacking off and I will be punished.
I feel this pressure - to be the best at everything all the time - to learn the qickest -do the best job exc. That runs me out you know. I feel like I will be looked down upon if I am NOT over-exerting myself - then that over-exertion leads to burnout and self sabatoge when I get to a point where I am so over loaded that I can't function anymore.
I don't know how NOT to burn out. I never learned. I need to get into therapy if I have a half of a chance of finding myself in a normal life, fallowing normal NON-DESTRUCTIVE patterns of behavior, and a balanced life style.
My new job is going well. I am going to work every day and doing my best. I already feel myself falling into some negative patterns that I am afraid of tho.
The worst thing is approval seeking behaviors. I notice that I am always needing reassurence that I am doing the right thing or aying the right thing. This is something that I am worried about now.
I also noticed that once I start getting comfterable in a job...my job prefromence
starts slipping. I get burned out quickly - and start doing little things that add up - and make me seem like a bad employee. For example - I will see other people slacking off - so will tell myself it is ok to slack off "a little bit": because that it how the other employee's do it KWIM?? Then something will happen while I happen to be slacking off and I will be punished.
I feel this pressure - to be the best at everything all the time - to learn the qickest -do the best job exc. That runs me out you know. I feel like I will be looked down upon if I am NOT over-exerting myself - then that over-exertion leads to burnout and self sabatoge when I get to a point where I am so over loaded that I can't function anymore.
I don't know how NOT to burn out. I never learned. I need to get into therapy if I have a half of a chance of finding myself in a normal life, fallowing normal NON-DESTRUCTIVE patterns of behavior, and a balanced life style.
This sounds just like me. I'm about to start working again...I think, lol. I'm waiting on the lady to call back. But I'm already worried about this. I'm so nervous.
I'm supposedly Bipolar. A psychcologist told me that I had a "Touch" of Bipoalr. What??? Either you're Bipoalr or not, lol. My mom is Bipolar. I've been dx with depression and OCD. Every job I get, I get burnt out so quickly. I wake up and as soon as I open my eyes I'm anxious and start obsessing and dreading the day. I get to the point where I call out. I just hope that it won't be this way with this job as it seem like it is a good one. I'll have health insurance after 90 days ( I haven't had it since '05), 2 weeks paid vac a year. I can't wait to go to the doctor and get a true dx of what is wrong with me. I also have Hep C so I don't feel good a lot of the time.
Sorry, I'm rambling, but I can totally relate Mlynn. I just want to be "normal"...whatever that is.
I hope it gets better for ya.
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