Sober Father...Surgery Tomorrow - very scared
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1
Sober Father...Surgery Tomorrow - very scared
Today is the 1 year anniversary of my fathers sobriety. Huge congrats to him...god knows its hard for him and he is doing it to save our family. One year ago he collapsed in his offce and we found a huge stash of pain killers. After completely a month in rehab he has come out a stronger and better man, husband and father. I will always be so thankful for his recovery.
Anyways, a year later, here I am, 2000 miles away from my father in Law School and he is having surgery tomorrow for his back. It is some kind of spinal fusion and I cant see how it can be done without some type of pain killers. That is my fear, that this will provide the excuse or need for them again...and they will once again enter our life and destroy our family. My mother has told me that the doctor knows, but he has manipulated doctors before...i just am sitting here, and instead of reading Civil Procedure, i think about the time we all spent worrying, the time i spent in rehab with him and the time i have spent trying to rebuild the relationship that we almost lost to his drugs...
Anyone with advice....would really be appreciated. Thank you so much.
Anyways, a year later, here I am, 2000 miles away from my father in Law School and he is having surgery tomorrow for his back. It is some kind of spinal fusion and I cant see how it can be done without some type of pain killers. That is my fear, that this will provide the excuse or need for them again...and they will once again enter our life and destroy our family. My mother has told me that the doctor knows, but he has manipulated doctors before...i just am sitting here, and instead of reading Civil Procedure, i think about the time we all spent worrying, the time i spent in rehab with him and the time i have spent trying to rebuild the relationship that we almost lost to his drugs...
Anyone with advice....would really be appreciated. Thank you so much.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi and welcome to SR!
It's great your dad has accumulated a year of clean time. I guess you already know that you can't control what he does, but that doesn't make it easier does it?
Many people have found ways to control meds when in recovery. The risk is always there and that is a frightening fact. On the other hand, if your dad wanted to use- he would not need this surgery and the pain meds to do so.
There are many I've known who have someone else administer the meds and/or try to use them as little as possible.
I hope you can get your thoughts focused on things you can control, such as your schoolwork.
From what you have said about how much you love your dad and the closeness you share, I think he is blessed to have a caring son like you. Love, support, an informed dr, your mom to keep watch...plus your dad's desire to stay in recovery.... make for alot of pluses.
I hope you will continue to come around to read and share whenever you need to... and good luck with your homework!
ps,
Please let us know how things go with the surgery...
It's great your dad has accumulated a year of clean time. I guess you already know that you can't control what he does, but that doesn't make it easier does it?
Many people have found ways to control meds when in recovery. The risk is always there and that is a frightening fact. On the other hand, if your dad wanted to use- he would not need this surgery and the pain meds to do so.
There are many I've known who have someone else administer the meds and/or try to use them as little as possible.
I hope you can get your thoughts focused on things you can control, such as your schoolwork.
From what you have said about how much you love your dad and the closeness you share, I think he is blessed to have a caring son like you. Love, support, an informed dr, your mom to keep watch...plus your dad's desire to stay in recovery.... make for alot of pluses.
I hope you will continue to come around to read and share whenever you need to... and good luck with your homework!
ps,
Please let us know how things go with the surgery...
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Does your mother still live with your father? If so, whatever pain killers he's given (and yes, there really isn't any way around it with back surgery), suggest to your mother that she put them somewhere where your father doesn't know about them, and she gives him the pills on schedule, just like a nurse would do in a hospital. That will help prevent your dad from relapsing.
As for you, things will be what they will, and unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it. You can't change the future - which is what you're worrying about. The only thing you can do is live in today and hope that what you do today makes the future brighter and happier. If you can accept this, it may help stop the catastrophising which is tearing you up so badly. (I often catastrophise, and I have difficulty bringing myself back to the present, so please don't read that as "oh, it's so easy, just don't let it bother you", more as "this is what my therapist tells me every time I start worrying about what might come to pass")
Ginger
As for you, things will be what they will, and unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it. You can't change the future - which is what you're worrying about. The only thing you can do is live in today and hope that what you do today makes the future brighter and happier. If you can accept this, it may help stop the catastrophising which is tearing you up so badly. (I often catastrophise, and I have difficulty bringing myself back to the present, so please don't read that as "oh, it's so easy, just don't let it bother you", more as "this is what my therapist tells me every time I start worrying about what might come to pass")
Ginger
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