*Codependent Experience*
 

Today I went to see an IMAX film with my boyfriend and I noticed something about myself....I kept making comments to him during the film like, "Oh I'm sorry it's boring right now....I bet it will get better!" And I realized that I have been doing this my whole life! I feel totally responsible for everyone's feelings in situations like this.....as if it was my fault if the movie was boring?!?! I would even apologize to the people I am with if they didnt like the movie....as if it was my fault?!?! I would always do this....even when I didnt personally choose the movie.....I have always felt it was up to me to keep everyone happy.....and if they wern't happy, I wasnt happy.

Evertime I go to a movie, a play, a restaurant or wherever.....I feel like I have to "entertain" the people I am with. I am SO engulfed in how THEY feel (are they happy? are they entertained?) that I don't even know how I feel (Did I like the movie? Am I entertained?). After doing this for years I completely lost my identity in others. I am SO GRATEFUL that I realized this today.....I thought to myself.....Why do I need to worry if he likes the movie, I didnt make the movie.....its not my fault. So for the first time today I was able to enjoy a movie FOR ME.....I was able to decide if I liked it......I was able to decide if I was entertained.

I thank God for the knowledge and awareness that I recieve everyday....everyday I come a closer & closer to knowing the REAL me :o)
Thanks for listening!
Much love! ~Stephanie

Good for You !

I am really bad about apologizing about everything to people .. one girl at work told me to quit doing it..........caught me doing it again and slapped in the back of the head :) I needed that.

I'm really glad to hear you made this big step!

My guess is that you didn't lose your identity, but rather that you were never allowed to have one in the first place. We, as AC's, have difficulty setting boundaries because we'd never been allowed to have them in the first place.

Perhaps that's just my own issues talking, but it does seem to be a common thread that the environment ACoAs grow up in tends to be completely lacking in boundaries. If you've never seen one in your life, how can you hope to make one?

I'm glad that you're able to see where you may still be lacking in boundaries now, hopefully you'll be better at finding a way to set them and make them stick!

That is an awesome revelation (sp?)!!...and, IMO, one of those "fun" parts of recovery people talk about...which movie you gonna watch tonight?

I love the "A'ha's" It is so exciting when the light bulb goes off over our heads. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Layla, this sounds just like me. I've always been like that. Always trying to please and smooth things over. Now, I need to think about myself, lol.

Good for you. It's an important step to realize that. I've done that so many times too. It takes a conscious effort to stop myself.

Ginger, were you lurking in the shadows of my childhood? LOL!! You described my upbringing PERFECTLY!!!!

Boundary??? What's that? Is it like the border lines that surround states on a map???? LOL!!