Have I wasted my life?
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 126
Have I wasted my life?
Have I wasted my life? (More on my first ACOA meeting)
At my first ACOA meeting, a man in particular there had something to share that I have been thinking a lot about…
He said… “I am 40 years old, and I feel like I have wasted the first 40 years of my life…to determine if this is true, I must ask myself, did I do what I wanted to do with my life?”
He paused, and answered, “I have to say no. I did what everyone else wanted me to do. I did what I was ‘suppose to do’, I did what I ‘should do’….BUT I never did what I wanted to do.”
I thought about this, and realized I had done the same…I have spent my life doing what my dad wants me to do, what he says I should do, what society says I should do… BUT NEVER what I WANT TO DO.
If you read my last post today (on addiction & my first meeting), you would know I made HUGE decision today. I temporarily quit school, in order to focus on my healing. I could not go on taking adderall pills (basically prescription amphetamines) just so I could have energy to go to class.
I let go of everything….all my worries…so I could heal ME. I am SO SO SO scared because my dad is going to completely and totally flip out! Like I said in my other post…
“My dad pays for everything for me…. my tuition, my books, my rent, my bills…all because I am in school. He is going to FLIP OUT! To say the least. But, I know I have to do this. I cannot go on. I have 2 choices: concentrate on “survival” which means keep taking the drugs and pushing through school…. OR stop this cycle now! And recover myself, my soul, and my poor abused body…. which means temporarily stopping school, and concentratng on myself. I chose the second option. (Any suggestions on what to tell my dad??? I have 'wasted' his money--in his eyes, and money is everything to him. I am TERIFIED).”
I am afraid this is huge MISTAKE….everyone in my family is counting on me to graduate…what if I don’t have money to go back to school? What if my dad disowns me? What will I do with my life?
On the other side, I am thinking…I can no longer WASTE my life worrying about what other people think about me, and what they will say and do. I have to do (for once!) what I want to do—and what I want to do is get better—get off these pills—heal my mind, body, and soul.
Am I making a mistake? I know there will be some MAJOR consequences to my decision (mostly coming from Rocco –my dad).
At my first ACOA meeting, a man in particular there had something to share that I have been thinking a lot about…
He said… “I am 40 years old, and I feel like I have wasted the first 40 years of my life…to determine if this is true, I must ask myself, did I do what I wanted to do with my life?”
He paused, and answered, “I have to say no. I did what everyone else wanted me to do. I did what I was ‘suppose to do’, I did what I ‘should do’….BUT I never did what I wanted to do.”
I thought about this, and realized I had done the same…I have spent my life doing what my dad wants me to do, what he says I should do, what society says I should do… BUT NEVER what I WANT TO DO.
If you read my last post today (on addiction & my first meeting), you would know I made HUGE decision today. I temporarily quit school, in order to focus on my healing. I could not go on taking adderall pills (basically prescription amphetamines) just so I could have energy to go to class.
I let go of everything….all my worries…so I could heal ME. I am SO SO SO scared because my dad is going to completely and totally flip out! Like I said in my other post…
“My dad pays for everything for me…. my tuition, my books, my rent, my bills…all because I am in school. He is going to FLIP OUT! To say the least. But, I know I have to do this. I cannot go on. I have 2 choices: concentrate on “survival” which means keep taking the drugs and pushing through school…. OR stop this cycle now! And recover myself, my soul, and my poor abused body…. which means temporarily stopping school, and concentratng on myself. I chose the second option. (Any suggestions on what to tell my dad??? I have 'wasted' his money--in his eyes, and money is everything to him. I am TERIFIED).”
I am afraid this is huge MISTAKE….everyone in my family is counting on me to graduate…what if I don’t have money to go back to school? What if my dad disowns me? What will I do with my life?
On the other side, I am thinking…I can no longer WASTE my life worrying about what other people think about me, and what they will say and do. I have to do (for once!) what I want to do—and what I want to do is get better—get off these pills—heal my mind, body, and soul.
Am I making a mistake? I know there will be some MAJOR consequences to my decision (mostly coming from Rocco –my dad).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Nearby
Posts: 231
>Am I making a mistake? I know there will be some MAJOR consequences to my decision (mostly coming from Rocco –my dad).<
I don't see how working on yourself and your recovery could ever be a mistake.
And yes, there will be MAJOR consequences to your decision. If your Dad is like most parents of adult children, since you're no longer in school, you'll need to get at job (or increase the hours at the one you have now) and support yourself. No biggie, it's pretty much just the way life works.
JMO, but your Dad doesn't "owe" you support while you fix the things in your life, even if he is in your view the cause. You "owe" it to yourself to be the owner of your own life. It is SSSOOOO worth the effort. Good Luck on your journey.
I don't see how working on yourself and your recovery could ever be a mistake.
And yes, there will be MAJOR consequences to your decision. If your Dad is like most parents of adult children, since you're no longer in school, you'll need to get at job (or increase the hours at the one you have now) and support yourself. No biggie, it's pretty much just the way life works.
JMO, but your Dad doesn't "owe" you support while you fix the things in your life, even if he is in your view the cause. You "owe" it to yourself to be the owner of your own life. It is SSSOOOO worth the effort. Good Luck on your journey.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
My dad used to hold me hostage emotionally by dangling financial support in front of me. I was never really living my life, bc I was doing what he wanted me to do, bc I thought I was not fit to take care of myself. I didnt think I could. You will be fine! Taking care of yourself is a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
"Wasting" your life is something only you can decide. I know people who have never done a single thing to benefit anyone other than themselves who feel that they have had a completely fulfilling existance because they got what they wanted. I also know people who do nothing but care for others and still feel as though their life is a waste.
You do what you need to do to be healthy and happy and at peace with yourself. Let the rest of the world deal with their own mis- or preconceptions.
You do what you need to do to be healthy and happy and at peace with yourself. Let the rest of the world deal with their own mis- or preconceptions.
Getting out of my own way!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Looking for a place to turn around
Posts: 257
I can tell you at 41..married with 3 kids....STOP it now...don't carry all this emotional baggage with you through life. It has messed up every area of my life...every single area...It controlled me...it destroyed me when I no longer needed it to survive but tried to use it to function. I know you are afraid and I have been there...but in the end....you deserve to have a healthy life...We all do....95% of my problems are based on what people think, and pleasing others at no cost...and that is not a way to live! ((HUGS)) Remeber..some days it seems so overwhelming...go slow and take things one day at a time...
Adore
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 50
When we feel we've wasted our time, this is normal but it's overstating it. Recognize this as a symptom of depression and ACOA thinking. This is our illness speaking, and it is only a passing state of mind.
There are moments when we have doubts about these issues, and then there are moments when we are living our lives and accomplishing things and we KNOW we are contributing and have value....
These feelings of awareness are really overwhelming...they can easily be like a drug...
I got a suggestion from somebody during each day, to write down 5 Things I Did Well, 1 Thing I Fear, and 1 Thing I Could Have Done Better.
it is working and giving a sense of control back to my life....best
There are moments when we have doubts about these issues, and then there are moments when we are living our lives and accomplishing things and we KNOW we are contributing and have value....
These feelings of awareness are really overwhelming...they can easily be like a drug...
I got a suggestion from somebody during each day, to write down 5 Things I Did Well, 1 Thing I Fear, and 1 Thing I Could Have Done Better.
it is working and giving a sense of control back to my life....best
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: stuck in the middle with you
Posts: 35
I have been told in more than one meeting "Wherever you are is where you need to be". We can't always (and usually don't) see our Higher Power's big plan for us. It doesn't really do me any good to sit and complain about where I should be at this point in my life - it is what it is. Try to find the lesson your HP is trying to teach you in whatever happens to you.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Tell him the truth, that you are burned out and feel you need to rest before going back to school. Tell him you have to take meds to make it through the day and that's not how you want to live. Then, get yourself well and get back to school.
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