Do you ever....?
 

Do you ever catch yourself doing this....??

I notice in my writing I tend to put quotes around many things. Sometimes it’s necessary, like when I am quoting a person or a common saying or phrase…but as I look back, I see times where I used “quotes” to undermine my feelings, or to hide what I am really feeling from others. Basically I use “quotes” to protect my real feelings. Example: I notice I keep saying my “RECOVERY” à like, I am embarrassed I had a problem, and am in recovery. Quoting it, makes it sound less real. I even had to stop myself right then from quoting this word as I wrote it again, haha.

I also use certain other WORDS to do the same—like saying “often”, “maybe”, “possibly” “could be”, etc—instead of just stating, “I feel ______” or “I am ________”. I am also finding myself again doing this by talking in the past tense—for example, saying, “I was feeling” instead of “I am feeling”. I need to try to work on this—because all these “quotations” and other words are just me holding back from my real feelings—me real self.

We all will hide from things every so often.
Even as I say... I am an alcoholic... I could be using that to hide from another issue.
I am impressed at how much you have learned and how you evaluate every thing. Some times though, we can over think things. Some times the answer is...just be yourself and slow down every so often as you do some thing nice for yourself. For me, spring will be here soon. I had seen my first robin of the season today. Below zero wind chill but I was able to slow down and just take a look outside and catch the moment.

Good insight, Layla... I do many of the same things. As much as I post around here, I am going to have to think about what you posted. It is good stuff.

((hugs))

I used to say "you" rather than "I".

As in "It's really hard to accept a compliment when all you've ever heard was what a failure you are." I had to distance myself from it because I wasn't in a place where I could accept that it was really me. So I would put it into second person.

I now am able to comfortably and peacefully say "I have problems accepting compliments, as all I was ever told was how badly I'd screwed up. I have difficulty believing that a compliment is true." (as an aside: although I may not agree with the other persons compliment, I now believe that that is *their* reality, and thus can accept the compliment fairly graciously, even when I don't agree. I used to argue with the person about how I wasn't all that great).

We all create distance because we have to. Imagine if all the awfulness that is inside you came spilling out at once - you'd be a complete mess or a sociopath. The great thing about our brains is that they will protect us from ourselves and our surroundings. That is how we survived. During the recovery process, the brain will continue to protect you from overload, often by creating distance until you are ready to handle whatever it is that you are dealing with.