*FEELING* these feelings...
 

FEELING this feeling


Just this very second I thought about the appoitments I had slept through today, the homework I didn’t turn in, the doctor appointment I missed, the advisors appointment I didn’t schedule…

I felt bad inside…really guilty.

Almost as quick as these thoughts came over me I pushed them out. I closed the “word document” processor on my computer, b/c I didn’t want to think about the unfinished homework staring me in the face.

Now I’m thinking…I need to FEEL these feelings.

For one, I need to realize what it is I am feeling.

I need to recognize my feelings of guilt and shame --over what I didn’t do today.

Then I can understand that I have been connecting these feelings to my self-worth.

I am not a bad person because I didn’t do these things. No one loves me less.

My other fear is confrontation. I do not want to go into my classes and face my professors…I am afraid to be yelled at for my laziness. I am afraid the doctor office will yell at me for missing my appointment, I am afraid they wont let me come back. I am afraid of going to my advisor and being yelled at for the classes I failed. I am afraid of admitting I was/ or am depressed, and I slept through the day. I am afraid I am a bad person; a lazy person.

God give me the strength to recognize, and release my fears.