Mlynn

My "sister" and I have had really ****** up lives. We have seperate bio parents (sisters) but were raised together from near birth. My mothers side of the family was one time sane & very close, so we were together every day, our family was very tight, we went to the same schools, had the same friends exc. When I was 8 our grandmother took me in because my brother was ill, we almost lost our home from hospital debt, my father was deep into alcohol, and no one could care for me. Her mom was an alcoholic but her unplanned pregnancy "saved her life" according to our family. My Aunt lived in our grandparents house so our grandma was a main care giver. After our grandmother died when I was 12 & she was 10 the **** really hit the fan. She was the only sane adult we had. She held everything together. She was everything and we were orphans with out her. We did the best we could to take care of each other but what do 12 & 10 year olds know about that? We adapted to survive & became mini-adults who didn't understand fun, or play, or have time for school dances, or boys, or normal healthy childhood/teenaged development.

We had to live sepratley with our "parents" but were still together daily. Her mom has always been a bit "off". I believe she is mentally ill and fits EVERY symptom of NPD(narcism) perfectly. She is getting progressivley more and more unstable. She lives with my 2nd aunt(her other sister) in her home(which is only 2 blocks away from my parents house) with my cousin/sister. She relies on my 2nd aunt for everything and racks up debts and puts everyone's financial and emotional stability in danger. She is emotionally abusive and has physically assulted my cousin a few times. She wanted to use her for financial gain. Saturday my cousin ran to my house in tears with her mom stalking her in the car as she came over. She parked in my drive & wouldn't leave after I locked her out. Her mom degraded her & was angrey that she could no longer claim her as a dependant on her taxes(she's 19). She would have gotten 4,000 if my cousin was enrolled in college.....so of course she uses the fact that she's not in school to demean her, and blame her financial ruine on her(despite the fact that my aunt works a minimum wage job, racks up debts she can't pay, and puts the family into severe debt due to irrisponsibility). "YOU ruined my plans for that money because YOU are to lazy/stupid to go to school" is essentially what she said. My cousin is pretty good about letting things go in one ear and out the other.....but she just had a breakdown. The constant emotional abuse finially wore her down. She had the nerve to leave sevral nasty voicemails abusing her even more. My coiusin just gave in and decided to go home even when I urged her to stay. I decided to go home with her and my aunt put on a nice lovey act...WTF??!!! She expected my cousin to forgive her because get this......she did it for A's own good.......so that made her a good person? She made up a story that she was going to use that money to surprise A with a vacation(lie...she lies constantly) and when she got a lesser amount she was "devestated" because all she wanted was to use that money for A (lie).


So her mental state went something like this " I said I was going to do something nice for you, you should appreciate the intention even if it was a lie or i never fallowed through, this "good intention" gives me the right to abuse you, after I abuse you you should forgive me or cherish me because I told you that I intended to do something nice, infact the abuse is your own fault, your lazy/stupidness is the reason that I can't do the nice thing I intended to do, Infact you shouldn't only forgive me but YOU should be begging ME for forgiveness because this is YOUR fault in the first place. How dare you be angrey with me when I was just being selfless and intended to do a nice thing for you. I am the victom. "
She twists things like this to make her self out like the victom and anyone else like the bad one. I am so done with this family. I'm sick of suffering & I'm sick of watching the person who I care about most suffer. I want to save my "little sister" but i'm stuck in my own negative patterns that keep me trapped. If only I made enough money to get an apartment, if only I trusted my self enough not to fail, if only I could be "good enough" to get us away from here I know we could be Ok.I have self-sabatage issues and every time I start to climb my way out of the darkness the fall is worse, farther down, and more painful. For the past year I have just been too injured and wounded to even stand to my feet nevermind attempting to make the rocky and dangerous journey twards the light. I have just laid injured in my little pit of darkness and I feel like I will never find a way out. I just want us to have a good life but I feel like it's never going to happen.

DesertEyes

Hey there Mlynn,

Sorry about your family, and about your sister. Sounds to me like you got a lot of messed-up relatives. I have my own share of sick relatives, so I know a little of what you feel.

I have found that the best way to help somebody else get their own life together is to let them see how good _my_ life is. That's called leading by example. When people see how _I_ work my program, and how that program has helped me, it helps them understand that they can have a good life too.

So what are you doing for _your_ recovery, Mlynn? How are you building yourself a life that is happy, joyous and free so you can _attract_ your sister into building one of her own?

Mike

elizabeth1979

I have alot of thoughts of helping my brother and making sure he has a good life and this sort of thing, also due to our nothing short of screwed up childhood.

I am reminding myself alot though, that he is not my responsibility, he is an adult. I am my responsibility. I must take care of myself. I found recovery on my own out of my sheer disfunction. I can pray and hope he will too, should he decide he wants to.

I overidentify with him alot. But, really, in my life, I have found that handling my own stuff is the best thing I can do for him indirectly and of course directly best for me


Hugs