Ahimsa

Its been almost a month since I cut off contact with my mom. She hasn't attempted to call/email/write, or contact me through anyone else either. Which I guess is what I wanted. But I am still having trouble with the whole letting go of our relationship thing. Not that we had a relationship worth holding onto right now, but somedays its still so hard. I am an only child and was always very close to my mom before she hit her downward spiral.

I have only been to one al-anon meeting so far, and I have every intention of going back, just haven't had tons of time lately. I did attempt to go to two meetings, but got lost trying to find them. (Maine doesn't believe in road signs I don't think.) I know I won't be okay with things until I start my recovery, it just seems to be taking a long time to get started. Ordered some books, and they still haven't arrived yet.

I was just wondering, was there one event, one piece of wisdom, or one moment that helped make things okay while trying to keep up the detachment with your parent(s)?? Just feeling kind of lost I guess, wanting to be at peace with my choice, but still feeling like I am in Limbo.

GingerM

I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I can't relate to detaching from parents, although I've detached from numerous toxic intimate relationships. For me, it was just time. There was never any one thing that made it better.

But that was also before I really started recovery - although I'd been heading that way for many years, it just took me a decade or so to get serious about it.

I wish you peace and good fortunes in your progress.

DesertEyes

Hey there Ahimsa,

The way it works for me is called "balance". I spent over a dozen years getting "brain-washed" by my toxic family. The most impresionable years of my life too. Turning around that baggage into something healthy took me a whole lot more than the 30 days you've had of no contact. It also took me a lot of reading, lots of meets and a couple good shrinks.

If there is one "slogan" that I would suggest for you is "Baby steps". You are feeling in limbo cuz you got off the rollercoaster of your parents' insanity and you are now standing on firm, healthy land. It's just the your head is still going round and round as if you were still on the rollercoaster. It's going to take you a little bit of time to get used to being healthy. "Baby steps" is the short way of saying that your healing is not going to happen all of a sudden, that you need to allow yourself to heal _slowly_, that you need to be patient with yourself.

Am i making sense with this?

Mike

Ahimsa

Plenty of sense :0)

I have always been very impatient, guess I should work on that first!!! I am still very close to my Dad and we talk everyday....and they live together. So maybe I am just feeling like I can't really *fully* detach. I am hoping he will move on as soon as he is ready. Maybe I won't feel like I am still somehow in contact with her.