jacksdaughter

I can't believe I still haven't heard from my parents. We had a family party on Saturday no call no show. How can they act like somehow we are the at fault ones... For anyone who doesn't know my dad put himself in the hospital by drinking so much he caused a seizure and whacked his head etc... Mom still tried to pretend he wasn't drinking when in fact he had a bac of .298. When I finally wrote them a letter indicating I could no longer be part of this alcoholism and they would have to get help in order for us to repair the family .. she (I never even heard at all from him) acted like I was the one who destroyed them etc etc. the usual guilt trip stuff. And of course more of poor her.... She claims he is going to AA but somehow I find it hard to believe .. Sorry I just needed to vent about this as it is so very sad.

DesertEyes

Hey there jacksdaugter,

Yes it is very sad. I think you've done the best you can, it's really up to them now. Hopefuly your honesty in telling them how you feel about their behavior will be an incentive for them to take positive action.

I hope you can enjoy the peace and tranquility of a holiday without crisis or drama.

Mike

jacksdaughter

Thank you Mike, I'm trying. And I do feel that if they are making positive changes and the drinking stops and they are happier I guess them not speaking with me is not so big a price. It's better than being part of him killing himself with the booze and just acting like that is okay. Happy New Year to you!

GingerM

It isn't just him that he's killing either. Look at your first post. Alcoholics spread chaos behind them wherever they go like a vapor trail.

I wish you the ability to separate yourself from that vapor trail and not get sucked into it any more than is absolutely necessary so that you can find peace in the coming year.

jacksdaughter

Thank you... I do feel better today and I am working hard on finding peace with this and will continue to do so.

blessed2be

Your post could have been written by me, Jacksdaughter. We went to see my parents out of state over Christmas. Both my parents are addicts/alcoholics. It was horrible. My Dad completely ruined it by his outbursts, crude and negative behavior. My Mom completely ignored that anything happened. I didn't call after we left and she never called me. Almost a week after we got home, after much chatting, my hubby and I decided to leave them to their own issues and disconnect with them. I can pretty much handle never having a relationship with my Dad, but it would be tough not to talk to my Mom ever again. It is going on two weeks and I have heard nothing. My Mom blames my husband and I on ruining Christmas, as well as "setting" off my Father.

It is tough not talking to them, but I feel I need to stand my ground to prove to them that I have my own family to protect. I want to be consistent. I don't know that this will last forever, but we did decide that unless there was no drugs/alcohol in their lives, there would never be a reconciliation. I am just taking things day by day. Hope your situation works out for you.

Thanks for sharing,
Jennifer

jacksdaughter

Jennifer,

You and I do seem to be taking the same stand. It is amazing how they twist it to blame us for their bad behavior, never will understand that one. We have to try to remember that "we didn't do anything wrong", they are sick. You'll hear from them and hopefully by then will be feeling stronger.

blessed2be

It definitely is amazing how things get so twisted and we get blamed. I have been going to Al-Anon meetings and been gaining so much strength. My biggest struggle is letting go of this whole thing and focusing on myself and my family. I have never really cut ties before. I actually hope that they don't call anytime soon. I really feel they need to take the time to take care of themselves, however that may be. Not sure what the future holds, but I am sure that I am making the right decision. Have to protect my babies (and myself!).