minah

Hi Everyone,
There is a strange comfort in knowing that there are many like me dealing with the consequences of living in alcoholic households. Thank you for your posts.

I have not yet had a chance to read any ACoA literature. I identify strongly with many of the laundry list characteristics I found. I have a lot of why questions....

Does anyone know why many of us ACoAs have hard time seeing a project to its end? That is me to a nutshell -a life full of stuff unfinished. Does it have to do with our extreme natures?

For instance right now I am all about Al-Anon and recovery but who knows if I will all of a sudden turn cold on it?!!! <--- I sincerely hope not though because I am working hard to understand the program and make it work for me.

Thanks for your time, Minah

Easeful

Hi Minah,

I don't know what the literature says, but I feel like the reluctance to complete projects is based on our tendacy towards perfectionism and more importantly a life time of harsh judgements. Judgements made by first our parents and later by ourselves.

If it's not finished, it can't be judged. Maybe someone else has more insight?

GingerM

I think Easeful has a good point. We spent our lives being told we were useless/hopeless/losers/couldn't do anything right.

So we still have those tapes that run through our heads. We have one of two choices - go the perfectionist route and drive ourselves insane trying to be the 'ideal' (which was the path I went down - great for the career, crap for your stress levels), or never finish anything - if it isn't finished, it can't be judged.

My husband has a horrible time finishing things. He's getting his MBA right now, and honestly, he'll finish a project/paper, then be totally down on himself that he didn't do it well enough/could have done it better etc. What I don't understand in him is where it comes from. He is not an ACoA, and comes from a family who was largely supportive of him in whatever he did. But that one trait of ACoAs he's got in spades.

He tells me he doesn't like to say he's finished a project because he knows he'll always look at it and think "Oh, I could have done this to make it better".

The flip side is that he helps me a lot with my perfectionist tendencies (why clean the sink til it sparkles when you could be goofing off?) and I help him with his inability to finish tasks (nicely, not nagging). Together we make a good team.

minah

thanks for your insights easeful & ginger.