Please welcome leighx87
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: SCOTLAND
Posts: 3
am very new to this, but i am desperatly seeking help for my twin sisters. I am a 19 yr old who moved away from home when i was 16 due to the fact that my mother was an alchoholic and abused me emotianally and physically. When i was born i was givin up for adoption by a 17 yr who is my real mother, she gave me away to a couple who could not have kids and had been trying ivf for a while but was unsuccesfull, so thy decided to adopt, but i was adopted illegally thru exchange of money, the family i ended up with 4 yrs down the line tried for ivf once more and conceived twins, and have been my sisters ever since, my childhood years were never happy ones and have really affected my thoughts to life and people around me, i found it very hard to deal with finding out i was adopted and treated differently to the twins as i was adopted and they were my mum n dads real kids. I grew up feelin scared and lonely, which did not help with my mothers excessive drinkin, she used to take things out on me, this then resulted in me takin an overdose, from then on i was monitored by doctors and went to varoius couselling sessions, but still my mother did not change, it all came to a head wen i turned 16 and one of my mates had, had enough of my mums behaviour so took me to school guidance who took me too the doctors, who advised me i needed to get out of this enviroment so my aunt took me in for a yr, this also envolved social workers and all sorts, i never thought back then tht my mum wud then turn on the twins, recently my mum n dad ave split up and mums drinkin has got worse, i have my own life now but wori about my sisters as there health is going down hill due to my mothers drinkin please please can someone give me some advice
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Welcome, Leigh
(that is my first child's middle name)...thank you for opening up. I am the youngest, and the first to find recover (at 34 years of age), so never felt an older sibling's need to protect me, nor have felt myself the struggle of "getting out" while leaving anyond else behind.
You have my empathy. I will never understand people who go to great lengths (like adoption and In-vitro) to have children, only to abuse and neglect them.
Maybe you could offer to take the twins out for a day, or just invite them to your home, and let them know you care about them, and are there for them.
Maybe ask how things are going at home, and then (as they say in real estate)"shut up and listen."
Maybe share a little of your own E,S, and H with them. Share some ACOA resources, or invite them to a meeting with you.
Keep working on yourself...so that they may have at least one healthy adult role model.
(that is my first child's middle name)...thank you for opening up. I am the youngest, and the first to find recover (at 34 years of age), so never felt an older sibling's need to protect me, nor have felt myself the struggle of "getting out" while leaving anyond else behind.
You have my empathy. I will never understand people who go to great lengths (like adoption and In-vitro) to have children, only to abuse and neglect them.
Maybe you could offer to take the twins out for a day, or just invite them to your home, and let them know you care about them, and are there for them.
Maybe ask how things are going at home, and then (as they say in real estate)"shut up and listen."
Maybe share a little of your own E,S, and H with them. Share some ACOA resources, or invite them to a meeting with you.
Keep working on yourself...so that they may have at least one healthy adult role model.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Keep working on yourself...so that they may have at least one healthy adult role model.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Bucharest Romania
Posts: 8
Do you think it is time to have "the officials" step in. I have no idea how this works in Scotland. Really I don't know how it works anywhere..all I know is that is doesn't work "perfectly" anywhere....but if staying home with mom is dangerous, maybe it is time to look for other options. Maybe call a school counselor and get the information before you decide what is best.
Also an open AA or Alanon meeting might have resourses. I am sure most groups have dealt with this problem MANY TIMES.
The most important thing (in my opinion) is give them hope....things can get better, and aknowlegement....denial is such a part of this sickness that speaking the truth is almost like a foreign language at first. Also I have noticed that the person who speeks the truth first is the enemy...so don't be surprised if your mum turns on you...as a matter of fact expect her to turn on you and try to give you all the blame. Don't accept the blame..but do what you can to help the twins. Remember you are doing it out of love. you didn't cause the problem so assume no responsibility. Also you didn't "break it" so you might not be able to "fix it". You love them and want to protect them....but things might not go as you would like because as I said before you didn't "break it" (the whole family relationship..thing...I have no other words..sorry) So you might not be able to "fix it" Remember you are doing it out of love not because you have any responsibilty.
Work and hope for a better (not perfect) future for you and the twins
Also an open AA or Alanon meeting might have resourses. I am sure most groups have dealt with this problem MANY TIMES.
The most important thing (in my opinion) is give them hope....things can get better, and aknowlegement....denial is such a part of this sickness that speaking the truth is almost like a foreign language at first. Also I have noticed that the person who speeks the truth first is the enemy...so don't be surprised if your mum turns on you...as a matter of fact expect her to turn on you and try to give you all the blame. Don't accept the blame..but do what you can to help the twins. Remember you are doing it out of love. you didn't cause the problem so assume no responsibility. Also you didn't "break it" so you might not be able to "fix it". You love them and want to protect them....but things might not go as you would like because as I said before you didn't "break it" (the whole family relationship..thing...I have no other words..sorry) So you might not be able to "fix it" Remember you are doing it out of love not because you have any responsibilty.
Work and hope for a better (not perfect) future for you and the twins
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