Coping with "them" at Christmas
 

I found this forum at a low point back in August. Knowing how many alcoholics I've come across in my life, I was surprised at how few posts were on this board. Christmas is bringing an increase in that number. I'm thinking this may be because of the number of people who are able to stuff down their angst about their alcoholic parents and deny the situation for most of the year?

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my ways to cope with family dysfunction. (disclaimer: these are not necessarily "recovered" behaviors, just ways to get through the day)

1. Take a neutral party visit with you. My parents would never get but so abusive in front of my husband.

2. Visit early in the day. They might be hung over and surly, if so they'd also be weak and I could cope. Going later? They'd be at full tilt and looking for prey.

3. Have an exit plan. When things get ugly stand up and announce that you left a pot on the stove and must get home. I don't care if you're in Cleveland and your stove is in New Mexico. It doesn't matter. Chances are very good they're not going to remember anyway. If you're like me and find it unpleasant to lie, leave a pot on the stove. You don't have to say whether or not you left the burner on.

4. Plan an "after" event that you know you will enjoy. It doesn't have to be an expensive spa visit. You can look forward to watching Christmas Vacation cuddled up on the couch with your favorite pet and a cup of hot chocolate. Remind yourself frequently that you have something to look forward to.

5. Don't go. I have all of the acoa needs to please and I try to be polite about it. I try not to inconvenience anyone. I try to be clear about my plans. But the the thing I now ALWAYS DO first is protect myself and my children.

6. Read the sticky on guilt as needed.

Thoses are some good suggestions.... Thank you.

Very good suggestions - I suppose I never stopped to think about it, but I'm already doing those things. I've found "Oh shoot, I just remembered I need to be someplace else" works really well, especially if it's followed by immediately grabbing stuff and leaving. They don't remember, and if you're fast enough, it doesn't give them time to react. It's not really a lie. Usually by the time I pull that out of the bag o' coping tricks, I really do NEED to be someplace else - anywhere but there.

I find myself looking forward to January starting in about October.

Awesome Post...

Think I might try a few...guess it doesn't take money after all, to say, "Sorry, folks, but we have other plans."

Yes I agree I have palns to "NOT BE DRAWN INTO YOUR @#$%"

I told my husband one time. "If you see me take the keys out my purse....you better head for the car...cause I am out the door." It is nice to have a signal worked out in advance.

Also it is good to have clear "no way no how" events beforehand. Like if dad does this.....I...run like h$##. Or I go to the bathroom until the dust settles.

My brother always has a meeting to go to. It is almost like it is planned....hmmm...Holiday time extra stress...extra meetings. Don't ya love it.