Midnightfrost

Hmm. . . just wondering if any ACOA's have this problem. . . when I start to get to know someone. . . romantic or friendship when it starts to get intimate physically and/or emotionally I want to run away! I shut down and sorta start to panic. This huge wall goes up. Sorta feels like I'm looking through the wrong side of the binoculars all the sudden. I try to work past it but I've found romantically I scare all but the aggressive self centered types away. Definitely not who I want to be involved with! My xabf is one example. just wondering?

Cynay

yepppers I have been known to do that more then a few times.

For me it was the inside issues... things like not loving myself, insecurities, selfworth...etc...

I will try to explain better but I have to run right now. Did not want to leave you hanging but I will touch base soon.

kentg

midnight frost, yes, I do the same, having burned myself enough times its understandable to be cautious near the flame.

Cynay

Hi there... sorry I had to log off so quickly.

I find that when I push others away from me if they get too close is because Im afraid. Fear is such a huge motivator for me... even if it does keep me alone. It all boils down to the old tapes I play in my head. I shut it down before they can shut me out or reject me. It is much easier to build walls and not let anyone close to me then it is to go through all the worry, obsession, stress and pain of thinking if they really knew me they would not want to be around me. There is nothing worse the finally getting to the point of lowering those defenses only do have them decide Im not what they want and reject me.

I had to learn to love myself ... to appreciate who I am and know that if another person was not interested in me then it was not personal and was not ment to be.... The fear of rejection is an inside job to fix hon.

Hope that helps some.

utopia

knowing what i really want is key for me. step 4, really knowing myself, why i am how i am, what i do presently and why and what i want to change into being. step 4 is painful but liberating and informative. learning about my fears of rejection, failure, success, wanting to be rescued, looking at abandonment, frustration, what is sex to me, what is INTIMACY to me? do i just really want hugs, comfort, attention, validation. do i fear committment? do i fear being controlled, trapped, manipulated. my relationships with my parents have HUGE influence on my present and future ones esp when addicitions, dysfunction is there and needs are not met.

being with others there is a lot i am powerless over, control issues, so many boundaries that i have to express. fear fear fear. old demons coming up to haunt me. can i spend some time alone really thinking what DO I WANT? what DO I NEED?