nolan

Im not sure wher to start, so I will just state the facts. I am a 47yr old that has just realized that I need recovery after growing up with a drug addiced/alcholic mother. I become her primary caregiver 23yrs ago when my father suddenly died, and as she is getting very old and requiring more care from me, I came to the crossroads of discovery, of how I just can't do this anymore. She robbed me of my childhood and now she is controlling my adulthood, by being so needy. I am so angry! Where have all the years gone?and why is the struggle so evident all of a sudden? I am lucier than most, as I have created a good life for myself , but not without struggle. Im looking for someone out there that has had the same horrible childhood.

shockozulu

Welcome Nolan. Many children of addicts and alcoholics have similar experiences. Just remember that she is only controlling you as much as you let her. That is a hard lesson to learn.

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we are glad you found us...

Yep Im an Adult Daughter of a Mother who was an Alcoholic.... Yea childhood was a tough time for me as well and I took that into my Adulthood my Marriage to one and relationships with many others.

After many years of Theraphy, Al-anon, SR, Open AA meetings and reading I am finally coming to a place where I do take care of myself first. My Mother (and father) have passed on now and I never had to take care of her, but I certainly have done my share of taking care of Alcoholics and that is not an easy or pleasant job for sure.

I look forward to getting to know you... keep posting and I might suggest you read the stickies at the top.

TheGirlInside

I TOTALLY Get that, Nolan. I'm 36, and began my journey in recovery at age 34. I used to be SOOOO ticked off that I didn't come to recovery sooner...I wouldn't (maybe?) have been in my second abusive marriage, looking at a second divorce, with two children to drag into it...and on and on. I would think how much I wanted to go back in time and assert myself to everyone who had hurt me over the years, including my family of origin.
But then I realized that I could have waited until I was 50, 60, 70, or older, or never come into recovery. That thought gave me a lot of peace.

Someone once said, "God's timing is perfect." I don't always want to believe that, because I want EVERYTHING BETTER NOW (wah!). But I am very thankful that I found my recovery and my way out of abusive situations with others and a new way to live while my children are still young. I pray that my recovery will help me to stop the cycle. I know for a fact that my girls are much more confident than I was at their ages, and that is a start.

It does get better. Not all the time, not every day, but if you keep at recovery and asserting yourself (kindly), setting boundaries, etc... things do get better. Others will put up big resistance--because you are changing, and in our families, change was never, and will never be "okay." Just remember, when sick people are judging you, they are judging you using distorted standards.

Keep coming back,

nolan

Thank you Kari!!!
I have started my day today with reading your reply, and I can already feel that it will be a better day knowing that someone else out there feels my pain.
I,m so amazed at what is happening to me at this time in my life, and I plan on embracing it and learning as much as I can, I,m hungry to discover what it was about my childhood that has made me who I am today. It is a little scary, but I will see it through! My experience as a child has made me be a very stong and responsible person, at the same time it has affected me in negative ways, and I want to change that. I have already raised two children that I am very proud of, but in hind site, things could have been different in some of my decision making had I come into recovery sooner.I'm a optimist, and I believe that we can learn something new each and every day. I'm looking forward to my journey. Thank you for caring. Nolan