Completing Projects
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Completing Projects
One of the traits of ACOA listed in the sticky is the inability to follow projects through to completion.
I was diagnosed with ADD about the same time I realized my drinking had crossed the line from social into alcoholic. I thought it was the ADD that caused me to fail to finish jobs. I'd be doing something and suddenly remember something more important that needed attention. I'd move from job to job all day that way, rarely completing anything.
Does anyone have any idea about what it is about growing up in an alcoholic home that fosters that behavior?
I was diagnosed with ADD about the same time I realized my drinking had crossed the line from social into alcoholic. I thought it was the ADD that caused me to fail to finish jobs. I'd be doing something and suddenly remember something more important that needed attention. I'd move from job to job all day that way, rarely completing anything.
Does anyone have any idea about what it is about growing up in an alcoholic home that fosters that behavior?
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I don't know for sure, as I was one of the "overacheiver" "overresponsible" ACoAs.
I'd take a couple of guesses though:
1. Family life was so chaotic that nothing ever reached it's natural conclusion, therefore the follow-through skills were not learned as they weren't needed in any way. Actually, in those circumstances, the ability to NOT need completion may have been a survival skill, as you would not have been likely to ever get resolution to anything anyway.
2. Fear of failure: if you never complete a task, no one can ever say you did poorly on it. If everything is always "in progress", then they can't say you 'did it wrong' because you're still 'doing' it - there's no pressure. As long as it remains 'unfinished', it can't be critiqued - another survival mechanism to save what little ego was left.
But those are just a couple of guesses.
I'd take a couple of guesses though:
1. Family life was so chaotic that nothing ever reached it's natural conclusion, therefore the follow-through skills were not learned as they weren't needed in any way. Actually, in those circumstances, the ability to NOT need completion may have been a survival skill, as you would not have been likely to ever get resolution to anything anyway.
2. Fear of failure: if you never complete a task, no one can ever say you did poorly on it. If everything is always "in progress", then they can't say you 'did it wrong' because you're still 'doing' it - there's no pressure. As long as it remains 'unfinished', it can't be critiqued - another survival mechanism to save what little ego was left.
But those are just a couple of guesses.
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2. Fear of failure: if you never complete a task, no one can ever say you did poorly on it. If everything is always "in progress", then they can't say you 'did it wrong' because you're still 'doing' it - there's no pressure. As long as it remains 'unfinished', it can't be critiqued - another survival mechanism to save what little ego was left.
One of the most disturbing aspects of being an ACoA is that I cannot succinctly recall the events that occured in childhood that could be directly tied to this behavior in me, but I know they were there; they had to have been, as I can still feel the smarting from it, but any examples seem foggy, like bits and pieces of some puzzle I can't put together. I think it's because life wasn't ALWAYS bad, and there was some good in there, or at least what I perceived as good at the time, but I second-guess myself and wonder if those instances were dysfunctional as well. With no real point of reference as to what supposedly constitutes a functional household in those days, I just sort of guessed at it. This makes the bigger picture so much more difficult to sort out.
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Ghost Dog,
The memories will come back when you're ready to face them and no sooner.
One of the main traits of an ACoA is having to 'guess at what normal is'.
If it makes you feel any better, you sound like a perfectly normal ACoA. Which doesn't make it better, but it does mean you're not alone and there are plenty of people who understand where you're at and the struggles you will have. And we're here to listen and offer support whenever you want/need it.
Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as a 'functional household' or if there are just varying degrees of dysfunction.
The memories will come back when you're ready to face them and no sooner.
One of the main traits of an ACoA is having to 'guess at what normal is'.
If it makes you feel any better, you sound like a perfectly normal ACoA. Which doesn't make it better, but it does mean you're not alone and there are plenty of people who understand where you're at and the struggles you will have. And we're here to listen and offer support whenever you want/need it.
Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as a 'functional household' or if there are just varying degrees of dysfunction.
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Originally Posted by Ghost Dog
... One of the most disturbing aspects of being an ACoA is that I cannot succinctly recall the events that occured in childhood that could be directly tied to this behavior in me, but I know they were there; ...
I just assume that my entire childhood was dysfunctional and move forward from there. The occasional good memories I have I consider freebies. I know that when I start to focus on my past I fail to do something constructive with my present, and that just messes up my future.
Mike
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I'm a contradiction when it comes to completing projects.
On the one hand, I'm an over-achiever like Ginger. Definitely in my work environment, I'm seen as accomplished and responsible, often over-delivering.
But often with other things, I can procrastinate, knowing I want to get certain tasks done, but find reasons not to tackle them. I'll even avoid things when there's anxiety built up around them.
I think a lot of us are walking mixtures of things and it's hard to categorize in black and white.
gf
On the one hand, I'm an over-achiever like Ginger. Definitely in my work environment, I'm seen as accomplished and responsible, often over-delivering.
But often with other things, I can procrastinate, knowing I want to get certain tasks done, but find reasons not to tackle them. I'll even avoid things when there's anxiety built up around them.
I think a lot of us are walking mixtures of things and it's hard to categorize in black and white.
gf
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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This is one of those small things I can now (on occasion) congratulate myself for....i.e. "I made that phone call, I followed through with some piece of paperwork, I did it when I needed to so I wasn't rushing around later trying to look 'overworked'," etc...I feel just a little glad when I can see the difference from how I used to proscrastinate because I just "di'nt WANna," to now, telling myself that if I do it now, I won't have to later.
Want to form an alliance? :.)
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Originally Posted by Easeful
One of the traits of ACOA listed in the sticky is the inability to follow projects through to completion.
I was diagnosed with ADD about the same time I realized my drinking had crossed the line from social into alcoholic. I thought it was the ADD that caused me to fail to finish jobs. I'd be doing something and suddenly remember something more important that needed attention. I'd move from job to job all day that way, rarely completing anything.
Does anyone have any idea about what it is about growing up in an alcoholic home that fosters that behavior?
I was diagnosed with ADD about the same time I realized my drinking had crossed the line from social into alcoholic. I thought it was the ADD that caused me to fail to finish jobs. I'd be doing something and suddenly remember something more important that needed attention. I'd move from job to job all day that way, rarely completing anything.
Does anyone have any idea about what it is about growing up in an alcoholic home that fosters that behavior?
You're overworked. You're very stressed, and you sought out alchohol for a quick-fix; which in some instances can be natural... Afterall; nobody wants to live in a life where they feel burdened all the time.
The catch-22 is this: prioritize and manage your time. Forget the bull-sheet ADD, and believe what YOU believe. Don't go on the advice of some doctor who thinks that just because you fit the exactness of some list that you have some sort of "disorder".
Time management is the key to your door which is success. Focus and concentration (peace of mind) are the hinges. Your WILL is the handle. Go turn the knob...
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Hello Wolf,
I appreciate your taking the time to post. Please note that only licensed medical professionals are allowed to provide medical diagnosis and advice. Your statements where you diagnose the original poster as not having ADD are out of line, and so is your advice about _not_ seeing a physician.
You will limit your posts to sharing your personal experience with the subject of the thread. Since you are not a physician, and you have not been diagnosed with ADD you will kindly refrain from making comments on that subject.
Mike
I appreciate your taking the time to post. Please note that only licensed medical professionals are allowed to provide medical diagnosis and advice. Your statements where you diagnose the original poster as not having ADD are out of line, and so is your advice about _not_ seeing a physician.
You will limit your posts to sharing your personal experience with the subject of the thread. Since you are not a physician, and you have not been diagnosed with ADD you will kindly refrain from making comments on that subject.
Mike
fairyprincess
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South Jordan, UT
Posts: 25
I think as you get older and more responsiblities come your way, busy with kids or work or whatever....you tend to lose focus...personally I swear I hate lists and organization, but lately I have been doing lists and not starting new projects until others are done....it takes longer, but ultimately I don't feel so much like I have early onset Alzheimers or Adult onset ADD. However, you should never rule out talking to a professional about these things, especially if you feel strongly that there is a problem....instinct is something we were born with for a reason...we all should listen to it more!!!
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