Hello.
o.0
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 36
Hello.
Hi, my name is Ryan, i have posted on the other forum and they told me to check this one out...i am 14 and live in the midwest...this is my story: My father is an alcoholic, he has had back surgery numerous times and takes pain medication with his alcohol. He has done some things to me, that yes i can forgive him for...but thinking about them still hurt me deeply. He has ran off at 4 in the morning and disapeered for hours and we had to call the police, he has not woken up wen i have slapped him in the head so hard it hurt my hand...we had to call 911 once again. In all we have called 911 atleast 5 times on him. The night before fathers day he had come home drunk and passed out in our back yard, and i had bought him a 65$ fathers day present. Dont get me wrong, i love my dad so much...hes my father...and he always will be even if hes out of it and not here mentally. He is diabetic and has done a dive into the lawn...and nothing normal..it was a death dive i guess i could call it.....and he could barely breathe*once again we called 911* he has drivin drunk, come fishing drunk, played xbox/computer drunk, came to my football games drunk..i just really miss my old father (as my name says)..hes a great guy and needs help but just wont get it. I can understand why he doesnt...i guess the only way to put it is "a pride thing" its hard from what ive heard. We just started going to church and he hasnt been drinking quite as hard...but still drinks with medication. It hurts me so bad to see him drunk/stumbling/swerving in the vehicle. He once left for atleast a week because my mom told him to leave. He was leaving and taking the camper to a campground. He brought our golden retrievers with him and of course...beer. Hes a big guy and can handle alot of beer, but wen he takes it with his meds it makes him messed up, the last day he was there we drove back and he was really swerving and i was yelling at him to quit F*%^ing swerving! and he would just get mad and yell back at me. On most days off he is drinking...whether its beer, or vodka, he drinks. He can't do anything if hes not drinking, *except for work his job of course*. He loves me and my siblings and mother very much...but just doesnt understand how much it hurts me and my mom...i wish he did.
He has lost a friend that died 3 days ago last year...he was like an uncle to me also. He was a great guy and my dads real upset about that also...
They prayed for me at church the other day and i broke down crying because they werent even praying for what i was going through at home..it was about skool and such.
I lost 50Lbs over the summer...i got complamented by my dad 1 time because i mentioned it to him. A few more times he just sayd to my mom "ryan looks good" and walked away. Hes a great person...like i said earlier, i love him alot...but he needs to get help.
Thank you for letting me post here.
He has lost a friend that died 3 days ago last year...he was like an uncle to me also. He was a great guy and my dads real upset about that also...
They prayed for me at church the other day and i broke down crying because they werent even praying for what i was going through at home..it was about skool and such.
I lost 50Lbs over the summer...i got complamented by my dad 1 time because i mentioned it to him. A few more times he just sayd to my mom "ryan looks good" and walked away. Hes a great person...like i said earlier, i love him alot...but he needs to get help.
Thank you for letting me post here.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Ryan
Welcome to SR.
As those who have answers for you show, they will post replies.
If you read the posts above the blue line that say sticky beside them, you may find a few answers.
As for the prayers... Even before we pray, God knows our needs.
I will pray for you every time that you come to my thoughts.
I know how tough it is and it wasn't till I was 18 before I ever said anything to my parents. Believe me that I know what prayers you need and will continue them. Your not alone.
Welcome to SR.
As those who have answers for you show, they will post replies.
If you read the posts above the blue line that say sticky beside them, you may find a few answers.
As for the prayers... Even before we pray, God knows our needs.
I will pray for you every time that you come to my thoughts.
I know how tough it is and it wasn't till I was 18 before I ever said anything to my parents. Believe me that I know what prayers you need and will continue them. Your not alone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
hi ryan,
sorry to hear things are so tough right now. dealing with a parent that has some type of substance abuse problems is difficult at any age, but is even harder when you are underage and have no say-so in your home life.
my dad was/is an alcoholic, and it was really tough growing up with that. when my dad would drink he would get loud and violent towards my mom. he never hit us, but seeing it and hearing it was just as bad, if not worse. 15 years later i still have nightmares about that.
one thing i learned is that you can love and hate someone at the same time. i love my dad, but i hate what he does, and i hate that he drinks. feeling that way doesn't make me or anyone else a bad person.
even though there isn't anything you can do to stop your dad from drinking or behaving the way he does, do you have someone you can talk to? your mom? another family member? a school counselor? talking about what is going on and how you are feeling is important. if you keep all those feelings inside, it can really mess you up and cause lots of emotional problems down the road.
is there an alateen group where you live? that may also be helpful for you. i wanted to get my youngest brother (who is your age) in a group like that, but they don't have one where we live.
keep coming here as well. share what you are feeling, learn how you can help yourself. If nothing else it helps to know you aren't alone.
sorry to hear things are so tough right now. dealing with a parent that has some type of substance abuse problems is difficult at any age, but is even harder when you are underage and have no say-so in your home life.
my dad was/is an alcoholic, and it was really tough growing up with that. when my dad would drink he would get loud and violent towards my mom. he never hit us, but seeing it and hearing it was just as bad, if not worse. 15 years later i still have nightmares about that.
one thing i learned is that you can love and hate someone at the same time. i love my dad, but i hate what he does, and i hate that he drinks. feeling that way doesn't make me or anyone else a bad person.
even though there isn't anything you can do to stop your dad from drinking or behaving the way he does, do you have someone you can talk to? your mom? another family member? a school counselor? talking about what is going on and how you are feeling is important. if you keep all those feelings inside, it can really mess you up and cause lots of emotional problems down the road.
is there an alateen group where you live? that may also be helpful for you. i wanted to get my youngest brother (who is your age) in a group like that, but they don't have one where we live.
keep coming here as well. share what you are feeling, learn how you can help yourself. If nothing else it helps to know you aren't alone.
o.0
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 36
yes we have alateen here...me and my mom will start going *mom will go to alanon*
My dad hasent hit me EVER. Ive said things to him wen he was drunk and he didnt really care...he just blew me off. yes alot of the times i talk with my mom...the rest of the family lives in Arizona
I sometimes dont feel right talking to my mom about it..cuz she will go out and scream and yell at my dad...and it makes it worse cuz then he leaves and i worry about him...i think ive developed anxiety and depression...im always worrying about everything. I even worried i was going to have a heart attack...i mean. idk how to explain it, but thank you very much
My dad hasent hit me EVER. Ive said things to him wen he was drunk and he didnt really care...he just blew me off. yes alot of the times i talk with my mom...the rest of the family lives in Arizona
I sometimes dont feel right talking to my mom about it..cuz she will go out and scream and yell at my dad...and it makes it worse cuz then he leaves and i worry about him...i think ive developed anxiety and depression...im always worrying about everything. I even worried i was going to have a heart attack...i mean. idk how to explain it, but thank you very much
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Hi Ryan,
First off, both of my parents are still alcoholics, and were since before I was born. Living in an alcoholic household is extremely chaotic. I never felt like I knew what to expect from anyone ever, and I always felt completely alone.
You are not alone. The anxiety? It is 'normal' for children of alcoholics to have anxiety and even panic attacks. I am on medication for anxiety (I am almost 40). Worrying about everything is a function of the world you currently live in.
I do hope you go to alateen and that you stick with it. You will learn how to deal with some of the situations so that the anxiety isn't as bad and you will feel more at peace with the things you can't control.
We are always here for you to talk to. We may not always answer quickly, but we are here. Many people read but do not reply, so even if you don't get a reply right away, know that people are listening and we care.
We've been there. It stinks. With a bit of work and a bit of luck, you can change how your life will turn out.
First off, both of my parents are still alcoholics, and were since before I was born. Living in an alcoholic household is extremely chaotic. I never felt like I knew what to expect from anyone ever, and I always felt completely alone.
You are not alone. The anxiety? It is 'normal' for children of alcoholics to have anxiety and even panic attacks. I am on medication for anxiety (I am almost 40). Worrying about everything is a function of the world you currently live in.
I do hope you go to alateen and that you stick with it. You will learn how to deal with some of the situations so that the anxiety isn't as bad and you will feel more at peace with the things you can't control.
We are always here for you to talk to. We may not always answer quickly, but we are here. Many people read but do not reply, so even if you don't get a reply right away, know that people are listening and we care.
We've been there. It stinks. With a bit of work and a bit of luck, you can change how your life will turn out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Ryan, and welcome to our corner of recovery. Glad you found us.
Sounds to me like you have started your recovery just fine. I think Alateen will give you a lot of information on how to deal with all the "stuff" about your Dad and his drinking. Please take a few minutes and let us know what you think of Alateen after you go.
Oh yeah, congratulations on losing those 50lbs, and all in one summer? That's awesome. It's taken me 6 months so far and I've only lost 40, so you got me beat there.
Welcome again.
Mike
Sounds to me like you have started your recovery just fine. I think Alateen will give you a lot of information on how to deal with all the "stuff" about your Dad and his drinking. Please take a few minutes and let us know what you think of Alateen after you go.
Oh yeah, congratulations on losing those 50lbs, and all in one summer? That's awesome. It's taken me 6 months so far and I've only lost 40, so you got me beat there.
Welcome again.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 58
Hello,
Thank U For The Birthday Wish, I Have Been Reading Your Letters, And The One Individual Was Correct By Saying If Someone Has Answers They Will Reply, I Find Myself Not Having The Answers And Not Knowing How To Reply. I Wish U The Best With Your Father. My Father Died Young Of Liver Failure, And Even Though I've Experienced A Life Of This Disease With Him, He Still Was An Incredible Father, I Do Read Stories Like Yours And Realized How Extremely Blessed I Was Compared To What Your Living With Today.
Don't Get Me Wrong, I Had Many Hard Moments With My Fathers Drinking, It Was Not Easy Dealing With Someone U Love Fighting With This Disease. I Can Tell U Adore Your Father, Thats Why Your Even Reaching Out On This Website. My Only Advice Is, Continue To Ackowledge The Disease To Him, Don't Ignore It, Or Act Like It's Even Okay Sometimes. Hang In There.
Thank U For The Birthday Wish, I Have Been Reading Your Letters, And The One Individual Was Correct By Saying If Someone Has Answers They Will Reply, I Find Myself Not Having The Answers And Not Knowing How To Reply. I Wish U The Best With Your Father. My Father Died Young Of Liver Failure, And Even Though I've Experienced A Life Of This Disease With Him, He Still Was An Incredible Father, I Do Read Stories Like Yours And Realized How Extremely Blessed I Was Compared To What Your Living With Today.
Don't Get Me Wrong, I Had Many Hard Moments With My Fathers Drinking, It Was Not Easy Dealing With Someone U Love Fighting With This Disease. I Can Tell U Adore Your Father, Thats Why Your Even Reaching Out On This Website. My Only Advice Is, Continue To Ackowledge The Disease To Him, Don't Ignore It, Or Act Like It's Even Okay Sometimes. Hang In There.
o.0
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 36
No problem =) and also..thank you... i do love my dad VERYYYYYYYYYYY much...but it makes me hurt inside knowing how he can do it to himself and knowing that he is DEFINATLEY hurting me and others. Thanks again, your a very good person =) =) if there were more people in this world like you..i dont think there would be a single world war!!!
if there were more people in this world like you..i dont think there would be a single world war!!!
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
MND,
GIve yourself some credit. By the time I was 14, I hated my parents...both the unreliable drunk father and the angry mother...and haven't quite gotten over it. I'm not at a place where I can I say I love either of them. You're ahead of me on that one.
Congrats on the weight loss, too! You may be delighted with how much attention you'll be getting this fall when school starts(?).
Take Care,
GIve yourself some credit. By the time I was 14, I hated my parents...both the unreliable drunk father and the angry mother...and haven't quite gotten over it. I'm not at a place where I can I say I love either of them. You're ahead of me on that one.
Congrats on the weight loss, too! You may be delighted with how much attention you'll be getting this fall when school starts(?).
Take Care,
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